Working on my approach game, Never really worked out! Need advise.

Matter_Still · 2026-04-28T18:30:37+00:00

“People say its reps of how may approaches.”

Those people are wrong. They’ve adopted the tenants of “game” in the same way a person answers the altar call at a tent revival.

The proof that all that ( negging, calibration, push-pull, the horrors of the “friend zone” etc; ) is unnecessary is incontrovertible. A thousand years before Erik Markovic bought his first bottle of black nail polish guys were meeting, “dating”, “sleeping with”, and marrying women without having a clue what a “cold approach” or “day game” was.

Most still are today.

While it seems like “game” is as common in society as sliced bread it is in fact a very thin slice of how humans mate. Lurk on a discussion group about Wicca and you’ll think it’s used by everyone, rather than 1:300 people.

You’ve tried it. The results have been unsatisfying. Even worse, you paid some charlatan to solve your problem and were given the sage advice “approach as many women as you can”.

In the slang of wildcat oilmen you have been digging in a dry hole and been told “dig deeper”.

That advice has made a lot of fat cats poor.

You know the problem and “Game” can’t help you:

“I don't know what to talk about.”

That’s it.

The good news is you don’t have to. I have numerous friends who could do little more than grunt and they still got laid and they weren’t tall, wealthy, or “high value”.

They only believed they could.

Virgil, the great Greek Poet said, “They can because they think they can.”

It’s as easy as that, and at the core of game, those who soak you to pay to learn it, are just selling that: belief. They could put you in a locked room, have you write 10,000 times, “I will get laid in a week” and the results would probably be the same.

God made “chads” and he made “simps” and he made belief to level the playing field.

Just believe that what others have done you can do and never abandon that belief.

becomesharp · 2026-04-29T06:36:38+00:00

So 3 things going on here:

It sounds like you hired a bad coach who is in it for the money and not because he's good at teaching. I would never hire a coach who brags in general, but ESPECIALLY not one who brags about MAKING MONEY unless he's a coach trying to teach you how to make money. Otherwise, he's bragging about how effective he is at selling or potentially scamming. It's like trusting a doctor who brags about how much money he can make, not how much he can help patients.

Go find a coach who will work with you personally and give you specific action items and skill progression assignments, not someone who runs a generic course where you watch some videos and participate in some group calls and hope that you get good. It is likely going to be more expensive, but you'll actually get results if youre willing to put in the work.

The advice of doing a lot of approaches implies that you are course correcting, adjusting, and improving over time, now that youre doing the exact same approach and execution 10,000 times. That's just playing a numbers game, and there is no skill involved in that.
Money doesnt matter much in dating except at the extreme ends. If youre homeless, dating is going to be really really hard. And if you have enough money to buy hinge, your dating life is going to be a lot easier because you can simply ask the devs to always highlight your profile.

In USD, if you live in a high cost of living city like los angeles, money starts mattering when you make less than 50k/year and starts mattering when you make more than about 1 mil/year. I have PLENTY of clients making mid 6 figures or so who are still struggling despite making enough money where the average person assumes that they're "rich". But I have zero clients making over 50 mil and the few clients i had who were approaching that income confessed to me that this was way too much work when they could simply leverage their money to get dates.

P.S. try to use more paragraphs in your post. It was hard to read.

HomelessMilkman · 2026-04-28T21:57:34+00:00

I can't fathom why "Just be confident" is widely panned when "Just approach 100's of times" is cheered on, it's the same shit.

I've seen many people try to explain 'belief' and 'confidence' but never tangible enough that someone can pick it up and know what they're doing. They expect you to figure it out by accident for whatever reason.

'Belief', 'confidence', being 'unstifled', being 'in state', physically speaking is having a relaxed jaw, neck, shoulders, chest, gut. That's it. So your breathing isn't shallow and you can project your voice properly from your diaphragm; your nervous system isn't pinched, so your energy can flow freely through your body allowing you to convey some enthusiasm; you're not mentally in 'flight or fight', can be present, attentive, responsive and think of things to say, and so on.

The only complicated aspect, why it isn't so simple, why YOU specifically can't 'just relax' is because of conditioning. You've conditioned yourself over this time to unconsciously 'brace yourself' when you see a woman. That ONE aspect is the death of 99% of men who go on to overcompensate, act weird, needy, fish for validation, etc.

There's a subset who got good early feedback, wasn't conditioned to recoil and walk on eggshells, became naturally charismatic and express themselves without restraint but if you're here it's probably not you. Undoing that conditioning - the tangible, visceral reactions you feel under social pressure - is specifically what 'building confidence' actually means.

In some sense, that requires 'exposure'. Of course. Though the whole process of normalizing that type of situation, acclimating yourself, calming your nervous system under pressure, is reduced by many to throwing yourself at a wall and 'hoping' you make progress.

Lacunaethra · 2026-04-28T17:55:24+00:00

Looks like your texting game could need improvement.

What are you talking about until the conversation dies out?

epimpstyle · 2026-04-28T18:31:10+00:00

The Main Problem: I don't know what to talk about, or how to be more playful,

You said you joined a coaching program, didn't they teach you how to be more playful ??? Also, if someone tells you to approach 1000 women, that's a huge red flag. It’s either incompetence or pure laziness, they’re just dumping all the pressure on you and praying you'll figure it out on your own.

Back2theCouture · 2026-04-28T17:33:22+00:00

Nah approach 1000 women but if you don’t learn to improve or see what you did wrong is useless. You’re a good example. And besides, looks like your coach didn’t transform you into a better guy, game wise.

Here are some pointers:

Avoid having a dinner date. You seem to still have a mindset of having to entertain and pander to women. Direct them to have a casual date. Start from low then escalate slowly higher. A lot of women want to have a dinner date right away because they want to set the standard very high which is problematic in and of itself. Once you fail that standard (that you always have to go above and beyond), you’re out. Not saying you can’t have a dinner date. But that should be reserved once you’re exclusive with her. Have a high value of yourself; you need to believe she wanna go out with you because she’s interested in you not because you provide her free dinner.
What to talk about. A lot of good infos on this one alone. Search this sub using words “cold reading” “flirting” “conversation filler” “verbal reciprocation”. Basically have the mindset of building a 2 way conversation (imagine like talking to your friend where you and him can talk for hours and feel like the convo is organic). So instead of giving her interview-style questions, take advantage of what she replies to your statement. When you’re getting better at this, you both can even talk for 5-10 mins or more based on ONE question or ONE topic you asked her.
The game is basically divided into 2; inner and outer game. Your mindset, mentality, frame, how and what to talk about fall into the former one. Has your coach trained you on the outer game? Upgrade your wardrobe for example. Or if you start losing hair, see if you can embrace it, like a lot of middle aged guys surprisingly look better bald instead of having a chunk of hair left on their head or having random bald spots here and there.

PostAvailable9966 · 2026-04-28T18:40:01+00:00

Everyone’s numbers are bad when starting out, and compared to other comments here, the so called “1000 sets of hell” are mandatory period even for the best guys. The majority report less than 10 lays in those.

Usually the correct advice is that after your first 1000 you will know if you have it in you to go on with this journey.

There are many resources, especially for daygame, which is probably the most documented and analyzed form of game out there.

Finally, a word on comparison in the looks/money/status and the time investment for lays. Game is about actualizing your potential. For most of us, that requires tremendous effort. Are there people who have it easy? Probably yes. Are you in that group? If not, then no point wasting brain power on it.

jsbach123 · 2026-04-28T18:01:07+00:00

If your PUA coach says to approach 1000 women, you should ask for your money back. Nobody can or should do something that extreme. That makes it purely a game of chance so I'm not sure what's the coach for.

I would chill about learning from PUA coaches. If you're super consumed with women and pickup, you'll fail at both. Women can smell desperation.

Better to work on your social skills and practise being with people, join meetups, take a class at a community college, join a political movement, etc. Just do the normal and natural way.

Title	Working on my approach game, Never really worked out! Need advise.
Author	EducationalSpeed2201
Upvotes	5
Comments	26
Date	April 28, 2026 5:03 PM UTC (3 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1sy7dix/working_on_my_approach_game_never_really_worked/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/working-on-my-approach-game-never-really-worked.1579102 https://theredarchive.com/post/1579102

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