Can’t Stop Falling Into Traps

darmitage55 · 2026-05-05T10:14:49+00:00

You're not an idiot. Eleven years of someone learning exactly which buttons to push, that's not a character flaw, that's just being human.

The hardest part is the reaction happens before your brain even catches up. Stay for your daughter. Just get really boring about it. Flat voice, short answers, leave the room.

painfulletdown · 2026-05-04T20:20:57+00:00

I tried noise cancelling headphones - that doesn't work. Going to sleep doesn't work if she's crazy. Best is to leave the house or area. I would also go to the bathroom and lock the door. Another thing you can do is videochat with someone, and then if they hear and see what she is doing - they could potentially be a witness on your behalf.

nicarras · 2026-05-03T23:55:55+00:00

Working on grey rock mastery too. I have someone who likes to be a reactive abuser, so working my hardest on no reacting since the work they do to trigger it in the first place never gets address or any accountability there. Only thing to do is to work on how I react to situations and bring the rest to personal and couples therapy.

akihonj · 2026-05-03T18:13:55+00:00

You do realise that the filming is because she's gathering the evidence to show you as unstable. If she doesn't use it in court she will certainly be using it with her friends. No matter what she's done that is going to be her evidence to justify what she did.

So what outlets do you have for your anger, what other things do you have that enables you step back from her button pushing and respond the way you want.

The point I'm making here is she's laying these traps knowing you'll fall for it and filming it when you respond. She has all of the power and control at the moment but the moment you stop giving it to her things are going to get really spicy and she's going to flip when she feels she's losing that control. So why give her that control and the ammunition.

Try to understand, regardless of what happened, who filed, cheated, lied etc you're in a war and you have to think strategically.

MonkeyBranchBuster · 2026-05-03T08:10:08+00:00

Total silence and ignoring her like she is a ghost. Though mine found a way even around that, leaving me with the kids when I had to go to work so I would be late.

Put a rubber band on your hand and snap it every time you want to say something. Don't.

alkemist187 · 2026-05-03T04:39:56+00:00

Pls install or wear a camera

Motor-Hat-3061 · 2026-05-03T02:49:10+00:00

Stay away from her as much as possible. Get out when you can. Burn your frustration out on long walks, runs, gym, cycling, whatever you can. Never engage in person.

ProofConnect6521 · 2026-05-03T00:59:24+00:00

Like what? Are you yelling? Cussing? What? You are allowed to have emotions. You are allowed to not get a long. You are allowed to argue. Courts care far less than people think. Don’t put hands on, don’t curse, don’t be excessive. My wife recorded everything and nothing came up in court and so have plenty of ammunition. Courts simply don’t care, there are time limits, there are priorities. It is not Perry Mason..,it is not a murder trial. Judges see drama every single day. The paranoia about stuff being used in court is overblown

Title	Can’t Stop Falling Into Traps
Author	TrillHartman
Upvotes	5
Comments	9
Date	May 3, 2026 12:04 AM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1t25yoq/cant_stop_falling_into_traps/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/cant-stop-falling-into-traps.1579449 https://theredarchive.com/post/1579449

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