Should k quit self improvement ? need advice

xvszero · 2026-05-22T16:20:51+00:00

The heck is a low value male?

And why do you need a partner before 30? Did some rich uncle stipulate this in a will?

princessbubbbles · 2026-05-22T18:29:33+00:00

Even if you get a partner right now, they don't have to live with you and be in your head 24/7/365. YOU do. What are ways you can make that experience better for you?

abettertake · 2026-05-22T20:30:26+00:00

It really depends on what you mean by "self imprrovement". The reality is that most things that fall under "self improvement" won't actually increase your chances of finding a partner. A lot of it can be good for you in its own right, but it's likely you were already in a good enough place to find a partner a long time ago - even back when you thought you were "low value" - and you don't actually need to "improve" any more to find a relationship, you just need to go out there and actually meet people.

The red pill pushes this ridiculous idea that we all have some measurable value, that you're "low value/status" until you do XYZ. The reality is that how much any person values you is entirely personal to each person you connect with, and where that value comes from is so wide and varied that it's impossible to measure it or define it. Dating isn't joining the army; you don't have to pass some fitness test to get accepted. You just have to spend time with someone, see if you vibe, and go from there.

Also, you're 23. Even if for some reason you did need a partner by 30 (which you don't. Plenty of people meet their partner later on), you've got SEVEN years. That is not a rush at all.

youalreadyknow07 · 2026-05-23T15:00:47+00:00

In my younger years (17-21) I was a low value / status male. A woman my same age was light years ahead of me in life.

Most of the years you are talking about are you as a teenager. How advanced or "high value" or whatever is a little teenager supposed to be?
What exactly made girls/women your age sooooo far "ahead" of you? You can't think of any struggles they might have been having during that time?

meleyys · 2026-05-22T14:30:10+00:00

You don't "need" to have a partner by any specific age. Do what you want.

Instigated- · 2026-05-24T08:27:11+00:00

I (23m) only self improve for the sake of getting my first girlfriend.

Self improvement is really meant to be about improving yourself for yourself.

Like maybe: - I don’t want to be so angry or sad, so I learn some breathing techniques that help me feel calm. - I care about feeling good in my body, so I eat healthy and get exercise. - I need to learn how to cook & clean because I want to move out of home and will need these life skills. - I want to be a good person with strong relationships so I read credible books by well regarded psychologists and philosophers that teach me about human behaviour, ethics, how to be a good listener, communicator, show empathy & care, navigate differences of opinion, etc (NOT redpillers)

This kind of self improvement is healthy and part of life - we never stop learning or improving. However it shouldn’t be so cumbersome that you feel burn out.

Unfortunately a lot of RedPill pressure to “self improve” to get a girlfriend is bogus, because it doesn’t focus on the right stuff and often increases anxiety, self hatred and body dysmorphia.

The whole concept of “levels” is made up nonsense. Ask your parents and grandparents about how they got their first girlfriend and you will see they didn’t do the stuff redpill is advising.

I only have ever had hookups and short flings / talking stages. Never have been in a relationship in my entire life.

What you’re doing so far hasn’t yielded the results that you wanted (a girlfriend), so it is worth reconsidering whether the advice you followed so far was bad advice.

Hookup culture is pretty toxic and anti relationship. That’s not to say people can’t hook up, but if you’re optimising for hookups you’re not optimising for relationships and may even be putting women off.

Have you met a single woman who you specifically like more than any other woman? And not because of what they look like, or how they dress, but for who they actually are? Liked that one woman enough that you abstained from hooking up with other women?

Because that is what you need to look for. Not “women” in the multiples but one person who stands out as a good match for you.

Most women want to date someone who sees them for who they are, accepts them including their quirks, and makes them feel safe, comfortable, cared for, and special.

If they see you hooking up with someone else, that is often a turn off, because it suggests you are not really into them.

If someone stands out to you, ask them out, however do NOT ask every female friend or woman you meet out. That makes you look like you have no standards and are just hitting up everyone, just want to get laid, which is not flattering at all, and can undermine women’s trust in you and men in general.

I’m perfectly content with my life right now if I didn’t have to have a girlfriend.

Awesome. By all means take the pressure off yourself and do things you enjoy and that are meaningful to yourself. You don’t need a girlfriend to have a good life. There is no “by 30” deadline.

I think it would be good for you to spend some time treating women as human beings, as friends and colleagues, rather than targets for your girlfriend goal.

With the pressure off, you might be able to relax and make more true female friends. In the long run, the more female friends you have, the greater chance you have of a friendship developing into romance or a friend setting you up with someone they know.

2_cider_jack · 2026-05-26T14:03:45+00:00

Brother you're looking at this all wrong. Self improvement is a great thing, but doing so for external approval will never make you happy.

Relax a bit, and try to ground your self esteem in your own eyes and not those of others.

GroundbreakingAct434 · 2026-05-26T20:44:56+00:00

23 is young. Work on career and fitness right now.

Title	Should k quit self improvement ? need advice
Author	Haunting_Ad_4179
Upvotes	2
Comments	17
Date	May 22, 2026 2:01 PM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1tkjw6f/should_k_quit_self_improvement_need_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/should-k-quit-self-improvement-need-advice.1580949 https://theredarchive.com/post/1580949

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