I don’t feel like punching drywall anymore. After two months of sleeping in separate rooms I moved to my parents. It’s so goddamn depressing to be back in my childhood bedroom, like I got multiple degrees and worked my ass off just to be right back where I started with nothing to show for it. There was some semblance or normalcy when I had my kid, but I dropped him off this morning and now I’m just utterly lost. My only close friend in town was busy today, so I just don’t even know what to do with myself. I spent the last 2 months after she told me focusing on fitness and all the stuff you’re supposed to, but I can’t bring myself to care anymore. I went to the local state park to hike all day but just ended up crying the whole time. I can’t stand the thought of going back and sitting at my parents house so just sitting by a river typing this cause I’ve got nowhere to go and nothing to do. I know my son needs a dad but how the hell can I go on when every second I’m awake is torture. My family was everything to me and now I’ve got nothing.