Anyone gone through this with a pension?

chrizzleon · 2026-05-06T11:53:44+00:00

This is similar to me, and dont count on them stopping there.

My ex is looking into my pension and a house I have owned since before I ever met her, both she contributed literally 0.00. She never said she would not go after the pension, so I had to go to my pension provider and get a 'cash equivalent transfer value' for her lawyer to see what is there for them to get their hands on.

As for the house, she is not automatically entitled to anything at all from it as its premarital, however if they think they can make a strong enough case that she would be unduly left without by not getting value for it they can go to court and try to force it. I told her that it is only the legal reps that win then via the fighting, and that obviously as she has no automatic right to anything from it that even the law basically says no to her. She agreed this was as waste and said she was fine with letting it go and that she would speak to her solicitor. 4 days later, she speaks to her solicitor and we're back to square 1, the agreement not to try to take what the defaults as her not being entitled to is out the window and shes back on for everything.

retired337 · 2026-05-05T01:05:14+00:00

Yes I had written everything up. She kept more assets but left my retirement alone. She agreed. Well her woman lawyer convinced her to get part of my pension she was entitled too by law. So she gets about 1/3 of my monthly pension payments for the rest of her life, to share with her pos boyfriend she was screwing around with while we were married. Sickening. Women are the devil

Accomplished-Tap1262 · 2026-05-03T15:21:47+00:00

Generally a QDRO is going to award your ex-wife 50% of your final pension, adjusted for the amount of time that you were married and earning the pension compared to your total service.

If you were working at your current job for the entire marriage (say 10 years for easy math) and then you work another 25 years there, she will most likely be awarded [50% x 10 (years of marriage) / 35 total years of service] of the final value you would get at normal retirement. This would work out to roughly 15% of your final pension.

If her lawyer is good, they'll put in a clause that she will share in the value of any early retirement subsidies you qualify for. If her lawyer is bad, they might miss this and/or not take the time to look into the actual forms of payment available in your plan that could have additional value.

All that said, everything in a divorce can be negotiated. If you want to try and keep her hands off your pension, you'll have to offer something else up. Potential good news here is that almost no one understands how to properly value a pension benefit, so she likely won't either.

StarXXIV7 · 2026-05-02T02:15:11+00:00

I’m learning this part myself. If you’re in the US, like I am, check your state laws regarding pension.

For example, in NY pension in a divorce is based on a formula: Years married divided by years of service then divide that by 50. My stbx says she wants half but in reality based on that formula she’s “entitled” to 25%.

I don’t have much more actual experience to share with you at this point, but I suggest you check your local laws regarding pensions in divorce. AI is helpful also along with the free consultation calls to lawyers…

Plastic_Efficiency35 · 2026-05-02T01:54:01+00:00

When I hear stories like these-Linda pisses me off! It’s dejavu all over for me-again!

Yeah, lawyers…even families and friends got in her head. I wish I have the answer for you. But if possible, try to settle out of court. Lawyers are in for the money. They can prolong it as long as you want. As long as you pay.

Yeah…… until you guys can settle ,it’s gonna get ugly. Mine put liens on all my properties and businesses. Until we settled.

BigBubbaMac · 2026-05-02T01:49:24+00:00

Your pension will be looked at by a forensic accountant. They will know everything there is to know about it.

Wolfjak · 2026-05-02T00:17:05+00:00

Stop, full stop

She’s assuming, and making you believe that it’s dollar for dollar.

It is not

Every dollar she claims of your pension is worth about 0.65-0.80 of real actual dollar today.

However you want to spin that, it’s an important note brother

DarthDad25 · 2026-05-01T23:44:07+00:00

They take the years you were married and divide it by how many hours you worked. So if you worked 30 years and you were married for 10… she is entitled to 10 years of your pension. But since only half is hers, is 5/30. So she would get 1/6 of your total pension payout, whenever that happens

Relative-Cicada1553 · 2026-05-01T22:04:28+00:00

Do a couple of consults with QDRO lawyers. You'll probably need one in the end anyway.

The easiest way is to buy her out. And that's probably why her lawyers are taking interest in your pension. It's a lever for more cash up front. If you do buy her out, all the risk lands on you, so be conservative. Understand present value calculations.

akihonj · 2026-05-01T21:41:21+00:00

They calculate how much was paid in during the marriage and if she even has any right to claim any amount which she has to prove, she has to prove she contributed to your income through the marriage, so being a stay at home wife for example. If she was working herself then it becomes harder if not impossible to prove because she cannot support your career if she's managing her own. On the other hand she might also have her own pension going which you could, potentially have just as much right to access half.

notconvinced780 · 2026-05-01T20:27:09+00:00

I am not a lawyer but my understanding is She is only “entitled to” the present cash value of the amount that has been earned/vested DURING your marriage. If you are 25 years from retirement, and the periods during which you were married/working at the firm for which you one day hope to receive the pension, this is likely a pretty modest sum. If you aren’t vested it might be zero.

WhydIJoinRedditAgain · 2026-05-01T20:22:05+00:00

Your HR will be able to calculate it for the time you were married. I would reach out to them to get a pension benefits annual report. You wouldn’t be the first person in your organization to get a divorce.

My STBX is going after mine, it pisses me off so much. I put money into saving and retirement and she put every penny into her business, which I may never see a cent from.

Chillout2010 · 2026-05-01T20:12:00+00:00

I was served. Just retained mine. They had me come in and provide all the stuff I had. Signed the counter claim. Sent me home with a statement of net worth to fill out. I left the office feeling alot better. They should tell you the break down. What to expect.

RevolutionaryLaw8854 · 2026-05-01T20:03:01+00:00

Yes, if you’re a government employee, the administrator will be able to put a present value on the pension.

There’s money (either real or on paper) somewhere that will be paying you in the future. She’s trying to get a portion of that.

Additionally, your expert, her expert and the TPA may all put a different number on the net present value.

Buckle up buttercup, shits about to get real.

NOT-packers-fan2022 · 2026-05-01T19:49:01+00:00

For Fed employees they calculate a percentage, whatever she’s due she gets whenever you retire. So if she’s due 15% based on the length of your marriage, she gets 15% of whatever your monthly payment is after you retire. Eg you are 1000, she gets 150 and you get 850.

A way around that is to figure out a buyout amount and have her get it from your 401k. LET HER HAVE IT OUT OF YOUR 401k. Eg she wants 50k and she gets a 50k payment via QDRO. If she wants to access that cash SHE pays the 10% penalty and income taxes. If you take a loan for the 50k, YOU have to payback the loan. The bonus is she’ll think she’s winning because she gets money now instead of in 10, 15, or 20 years from now. She’s NOT winning, you are.

It sucks but in May of 2020 my ex wife got paid and mine was down to 90k. Now I’m really close to 500k. It’s only 6 years later. My advice, get it over with ASAP and move on with life to rebuild your funds. The longer this takes, the longer it takes for you to rebuild along with more legal fees. Don’t fight whatever it is she’s due, let her have it and move it along because she’ll be broke 6 months later anyway.

Hope that is a helpful perspective. Whatever you do, do not pay her from the pension directly.

Chillout2010 · 2026-05-01T19:36:35+00:00

You can pull the Pension information. I just pulled mine last week. It has current value.

Chillout2010 · 2026-05-01T19:34:24+00:00

They take half. That's how it works. Unless they have their own. Good luck.

Title	Anyone gone through this with a pension?
Author	SwanInitial7493
Upvotes	5
Comments	31
Date	May 1, 2026 7:27 PM UTC (3 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1t13bd1/anyone_gone_through_this_with_a_pension/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/anyone-gone-through-this-with-a-pension.1579360 https://theredarchive.com/post/1579360

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