The most significant aspect of "male socialisation" is coldness from strangers beginning at a very young age

Poly_and_RA · 2026-07-02T07:52:23+00:00

Yes. And if you call attention to it, that's usually met with "You're not entitled to friendship" (or whatever it is that you wish for!)

This is true. But it doesn't negate the fact that if systematically across huge fractions of life, people are systematically met with just a bit more hostility and indifference and just a bit less warmth and generosity because of who they happen to be born as, something they had no choice in and carry no blame for -- that'll have some sort of impact.

Nobody would do the same "you're not entitled" routine if research showed that systematically black people are met with more coldness than white people are.

Dizzy_Ad8555 · 2026-07-02T06:54:53+00:00

Well, yes, i think we need to see this in a compound way.

Generally, girls are treated differently than boys, i learned this very early in life. I was separated from my mother when we went shopping on a busy market day, i believe i was under 10 at this time, i literally ran from where we were, back to our house unaccompanied, crossing busy roads and it wasn't a short distance either, but here is the thing. Nobody said a thing, but, if the same thing happened and it was a girl, the police would be out, strangers would intervene and the sort. That would happen to be a bias which was there even before puberty. There is more focus on the girl than there is on the boy and this shows now.

Educational attainment is faltering in boys, employment opportunities are now being afforded disproportionately to women/girls, at least at the moment and there is a constant portrayal of men/boys as being problematic or threatening. The observable evidence suggests that institutions are against men and boys, that there is an anti-male bias and that itself is a problem and it is producing an anti-establishment sentiment which at present, threatens the rights of every single person irrespective of gender because those parties offering the anti-establishment option are in of themselves, not interested in the egalitarian application of laws, they are just career politicians who like money a whole lot.

There's absolutely a downstream effect of this.

I think we need to examine the archetypes that get sold for the observable evidence again, why is it that angry, balding men tend to lean in particular directions? We now should examine narratives, "gammons" for instance, this is quite a potent cliche. But, it will be placing the thumb on the scale.

On one hand we have -

- Women are vulnerable, Girls need to be protected

On the other we have -

- Men are angry, Boys are misguided

You can see the bias cutting straight down the middle, one side is coddled, the other is not.

There is a host of other institutional examples, such as with how we treat false allegations between the genders too, all of which points to a serious societal problem which hasn't been challenged in decades. We've over adjusted for the protections of one, while ignoring the other for far too long and it is only now that we have educated masses and the internet, that we are able to give it form, it has been a long time in the making, unfortunately.

SvitlanaLeo · 2026-07-02T17:48:57+00:00

What is typically called male socialization is actually called abuse of boys, but people are not ready for this conversation.

rump_truck · 2026-07-02T18:59:56+00:00

There is a proverb that goes something like "The child that is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth", and I think that is very nearly the most compact and efficient expression of men's issues possible in the English language.

Boys are given a taste of warmth as children, then it is taken away when they hit puberty. After that, the only places they are allowed to feel that warmth again are in the camaraderie of competitive sports and the military, or in romantic relationships. If you're not fit enough for sports or the military, and you're not attractive and charismatic enough to find a partner, apathy is the best case scenario. No wonder the only things men know how to express are aggression and lust.

Gender roles used to strip women's autonomy from them to force them into accepting obviously bad deals. Men still to this day have their humanity stripped from them to force them into accepting obviously bad deals, and this coldness is the mechanism for that.

faithinteapot · 2026-07-02T06:23:31+00:00

I can't speak to sociological concepts with academic credibility, but what you describe seems to align with a general principle of how people actually learn or cultivate behaviors as a function of their genetic and environmental predispositions--and the interplay of these two forces.

Crucially, something doesn't need to be directly taught in order for it to be learned, and I think it's uncontroversial to suggest that the overwhelming majority of human behavior is contingent on unconscious processes of acquirement.

Therefore, it's important to, as you have, call out the mainstream tendency to compress the immense complexity of what constitutes people's behavior into overly simplistic and comfortable explanations that delude us into taking the problem for granted.

As for your specific theory, I think what can most confidently be said about how men are socialized revolves around an internalization of traditional norms--which many attest to, often to dismissive responses from those to whom the description simply hasn't applied--that reduce men to their functional, often expendable, value as opposed to anything intrinsic, of which this baseline coldness from others is one contributing part.

There's a lot of talk about wanting to liberate men from patriarchal standards or traditionally masculine norms--whatever one elects to call them, without accounting for the why and how tendencies towards these become internalized in the first place, namely, I'd argue, as survival mechanisms, for there isn't enough general recourse in society for healthy alternatives.

Dry_Fact_4584 · 2026-07-02T12:27:02+00:00

I don’t know if my experience counts, but it is honestly complex and puzzling. I can’t easily clarify it here because I fear being misunderstood, so please don't judge me. This seems to be, “Sex Taboo Culture” and “ Protecting Innocence Culture” (My therapist described last quoted one tho).

As far, I can remember, my childhood, it felt like my parents tried as hard as possible to shield me. They made sure I never saw anyone's skin, like a woman's belly, chest, or butt. They did this with men, too, including just my dad. They completely blocked out anything related to sex or sexuality, including media, newspapers, and ads and anything…

The confusing part is that they kept doing this through my teenage years and into adulthood.

As their behaviour felt so extreme, it made me feel like I was a pervert. It made me feel like I was always being inappropriate and keep trying to look at private parts and nudity.

It keeps me questioning myself and feeling puzzled, because this is definitely not a healthy way for parents to keep kids or teenagers safe.

perascopr · 2026-07-02T15:37:02+00:00

This is a huge thing I've noticed in myself that's been ingrained and I'm trying to work on, where I'll see a young girl and smile at her on the street, but not a boy, and i realised its because I've been taught to be so afraid of men I'm afraid to smile at literal children. So, I'm trying to be warm and give random compliments to men and boys the same way I would women and girls. And so far, it has been absolutely lovely. There are two common reactions: first is bewilderment and fear bc the boy is so unused to smiles or compliments and thinks I must be making fun of him, or second an intensely bright smile and joyous social interaction.

Puzzleheaded_Award88 · 2026-07-02T08:56:59+00:00

Gender development is messy.

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Pecuthegreat · 2026-07-02T23:16:56+00:00

Honestly, this wasn't across the board my experience, like in some situations there was coldness but it wasn't generalized until I was older and it was a bit jarring for me when that started.

griii2 · 2026-07-02T10:28:01+00:00

I challenge this - it does not align with my lived experience.

Do you have any data or stats to support this?

Title	The most significant aspect of "male socialisation" is coldness from strangers beginning at a very young age
Author	R3aperF4n
Upvotes	235
Comments	24
Date	July 2, 2026 4:25 AM UTC (2 weeks ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/1ul81dv/the_most_significant_aspect_of_male_socialisation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/the-most-significant-aspect-of-male-socialisation.1584084 https://theredarchive.com/post/1584084

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