There’s a lot going on here with this post.

So about a month or two before I came back stateside, my wife started therapy and got put on Lexapro. Just a note for later. I got back to the states and I couldn’t take leave immediately because I wanted to take care of my wife during a surgery that starts a few weeks later.

Fast forward to those few weeks later- surgery happens, I’m taking care of her, (feeding, clothing, and bathing her) our dogs and our child. The whole time through this we keep bickering about how I’m not cleaning up enough, or how I’m not being a good enough father. Keep in mind, I’m still trying to adjust back to life. New toddler (instead of my son being a baby still), new routine, being around non military people- just normalcy. I believed I was doing a great job, but I just kept getting scrutinized for everything and not being good enough. We finally sat down, had a talk and we got ahead of the problems, or so I thought, and we kept pushing forward.

Next, comes the night it all started. The day prior I just got her name tattooed on me, and we were talking about going back to our home in another state so much up to this point (she lives with her parents, and so does the rest of our family).
So she goes out to a concert for her sister’s birthday while I’m at home watching our son. She meets this guy there and he forces himself on her apparently, and she essentially becomes obsessed with that. Keep in mind I’m at home watching our kid. She comes back super late, drunk, crying about how she loves me, misses me, doesn’t want me to leave, and how I’m such a good father and husband. I didn’t think anything of it. I just cleaned her up and put her to sleep. I hop back on a plane that Monday to go back to my duty station and get our home set up for her and our family to come back, but that following Sunday she sends a super long text asking for separation in hopes of coming back together. I saw through it. I had that gut wrenching feeling. Everything was just lost. Fast forward another week, and I find out she’s having sex with the new guy constantly, and I just have the feeling of giving up. I get put on a watch detail, and basically have no one else in my life at this point. Throughout all of this my wife is just constantly avoidant and saying everything is my fault, and that she’s been out of love with me for years. She stopped taking care of our dogs, and put her own “happiness” first, instead of taking care of our son. What I mean by that is, super early mornings, super late nights, no diet, cutting off all family members, and even pawning off our boy to random people in our lives. Every time any of us in her life tried confronting my wife on anything it’s just been, “nope, that’s not true. where’s your proof?”

It gets a lot worse, and I don’t want to go in more detail due to this being able to be tracked back to me. There’s been constant manipulation, pathological lying, and resentment/hatred from my soon to be ex wife.

This woman had a complete 180 degrees personality flip, and said this is who she’s always been. I don’t know if it’s because of the Lexapro, a manic episode, mental illness, or if that’s just the truth.
That this is just her, and 6 years of our lives just went down the drain. I know where I messed up a lot in our relationship, but I took accountability, sought therapy, a lawyer, and partook in a completely different healthy lifestyle.

I just don’t know if any of my life will ever get better. I don’t even want anyone else. I still want her. Even if she hates me to my core.

Do cheaters ever come back?
Does she even seem manic or mentally unwell from what little I’ve stated?
Is there any way for reconciliation at this point?

I know I’m just reaching at this point. It’s been a month and some change since this all went down. I’m exhausted, and I’m wanting the last little bit of hope to shine through. I don’t want a divorce. I still want her. She’s still the love of my life (I know that’s really messed up), and I just keep hoping she’s unwell.