I’m 47m with 12 and 9 yo boys in Texas. I broke the news to her in April. I’m still in the house and we are negotiating temporary orders. I have a rental picked out in the same hood and we are about to execute settlement of temp orders where I can finally move out and we are aiming for 50/50. She has been on thc for several years and I told her I would divorce her if she didn’t stop. It was the root of many problems. Her anxiety, going to bed super early, loads of behavioral problems with my 9yo, etc.

She never got a decent job since they would test in her field(finance). We had a prenup about her thc use and she didn’t smoke for the first 6 years. Then for the last 7 she’s been high from 8am until (her) bed time at 8:30pm, daily. Often mixing alcohol with it and finally the kids starting to recognize her drunkenness. Kids are both in therapy, me too. Tried marital therapy and only heard how when I yelled at her “in her face” that I was abusive. It was the 11th time I had begged her not to wake me up intentionally while I was sleeping. I yelled because I was so pissed that it was driving me to want to get an apartment and divorce her. And she snickered when I initially got upset.

Had a chat with my neighbor tonight and got pretty pissed off that she is telling me I should give my stbxw some grace. I fucking gave her several years of notice and opportunity to stop. She didn’t do anything, so I let her know I was filing. Now she’s decided to get clean. My neighbor tells me I should give her some grace now and work shit out. The grace was given. It ended. WTF. At some point if your boundaries don’t hold, they aren’t boundaries…. What does Reddit think?