I am at a loss...

oneiorosgrip · 2013-01-10T04:31:40+00:00

Just from seeing the short versions of guys' stories in MR and a few other reddit threads... that seems to be a pretty common M.O. for female rapists.

It sounds like you're dealing with a person who has on political blinders - "Rape apologist" is feminist for "I've already made up my mind. Don't confuse me with the facts."

If you want to back up your assertion with some links, these may be useful:

Society's betrayal of boys

The Invisible Boy report

Sexual Victimization in Juvenile Facilities Reported by Youth, 2008-09
Approximately 95% of all youth reporting staff sexual misconduct said they had been victimized by female staff. In 2008, 42% of staff in state juvenile facilities were female.

Men often coerced into sex: male libido myth puts pressure on both sexes

There's discussion on why research is so badly skewed (which also explains why male victim stats aren't easily found) and the feminist response to equal treatment regarding rape

Straus Exposes the Academic Veils Placed on Domestic Violence Research, and Bias Against Men and Boys in Mental Health Research.

Male Bashing in Mental Health Research
explains a strongly contributing factor to the prevalence of social perception of men and boys as violent and predatory

How the CDC is Overstating Sexual Violence in the U.S. (Washington Post article.)

There is also writing and other discussion specifically on the topic of female perpetrators:

Feminist groups have actively opposed treating female rapists as equal to male rapists under the law.

female abusers have frequently gone unreported, but can have a profoundly damaging effect.

86% of survivors of sexual abuse were not believed when they said the abuser was a woman. (Warning - some NSFW discussion on this page.)

Female perpetrators and male victims - why they are so invisible

An Interview with "She Stole My Voice" Filmmakers Justine Chang and Armand Kaye (Link NSFW, Interview text relevant, but includes trailer for documentary which is graphic and violent.)

DavidByron · 2013-01-10T04:01:02+00:00

her claiming she would say I attacked her if I didn't

Does anyone know of any survey that alleges to measure false accusation of rape that would measure this one?

When I challenged her on that, I was told I was a rape apologist

Ironic, since she (or he?) was the one being the rape apologist.

2013-01-10T03:24:05+00:00

I'm sorry to hear about your experiences; threat of proxy violence can be just as damaging as direct violence, especially given the examples of men being beaten half to death on an accusation alone. I am glad you've been able to move on from it though.

Don't sweat the rape apologist slurs either; they are pretty standard for most of us when questioning the status quo. I hope you stick around and are able to find a more plausible reality than the one being toted by your supposed friend.

typhonblue · 2013-01-10T03:53:52+00:00

When I challenged her on that, I was told I was a rape apologist.

Did you tell her the situation you went through? Did you ask her "how many men report their rapes?"

Also:

http://www.avoiceformen.com/sexual-politics/evo-psych/manufacturing-female-victimhood-and-marginalizing-vulnerable-men/

ibm2431 · 2013-01-10T14:16:24+00:00

Tell her that if anyone is a rape apologist, it's her for actively trying to marginalize male victims raped by females. She knows that males can be raped, she knows that females rape. Her statements about the 'majority of rapists' (which as you know, are inaccurate) contribute nothing to a conversation on rape, and offers no solution. The only reason she says it is to try to downplay how often women rape men.

Call her out, publicly, for calling a rape victim a rape apologist. It was a completely unacceptable and despicable thing to do. State that it was, and that her gender gives her no right to say such things, let alone to someone who, unlike her, has actually been raped.

And then cease contact with her. She's just trying to paint herself as a victim due to her gender ("I'm a girl and girls are so oppressed! I'm oppressed!"), and she views anything that could shake that (you, a male rape victim) as a threat that she'll attempt to shame into silence. She is disgusting and should not be tolerated.

And this is the sort of attitude you should consider adopting towards the people that will come after her. As male rape victims not only do we have to deal with the rape itself, but a society that marginalizes us saying that we don't exist or were somehow lucky, and so-called "activists" who proactively try to silence us due to our sex - often by accusing us of the very thing we were victims of. These horrible people need to be confronted for what they are, and given no opportunity to gain leverage in the public eye.

C0CKPUNCHER · 2013-01-10T05:20:10+00:00

I'm sorry about the injustice you've been through, you probably will never get justice, but it is important you remember there is nothing wrong with you, or with you being upset, the problem is just that you want justice and haven't got it.

rightsbot · 2013-01-10T01:42:18+00:00

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Creature_73L · 2013-01-10T07:21:24+00:00

Stay strong my friend.

HumanMob · 2013-01-10T15:52:38+00:00

Did you tell you you were in fact raped/how did she react?

buster2209 · 2013-01-10T16:56:08+00:00

Whenever you are labelled a rape apologist, it is just the 'go to' statement to shame you into not arguing with them. It means they are have no substance to there argument so they must stifle debate at all costs in order not to look foolish.

The same principle applies to calling someone an anti-semite whenever they criticise Israel.

This_Quiet_Storm · 2013-01-15T04:47:06+00:00

I am so sorry that you were victimized and that you found no justice since. I am also very sorry to hear that you are unsupported in your experience and recovery. This doesn't help but it may be of some solace to know that you are certainly not alone and many rape victims experience similar reactions. It's not right, it's not fair, and it will get better...with time. It takes time for society to evolve...we are just coming out of racism and sexism in it's previous incarnations...it should come as no surprise that these issues will linger and yes even evolve into new, less commonly identified bigotry. Victim blaming is never okay, and that's where your friend's apologist accusation likely comes from. They were probably likening your opinion to the typical uninformed male perspective, which in fairness, has historically been the major advocate for victim blaming in rape cases.

It's just awful to hear stories like these...

The majority of my friends are male and I have heard at least 4 stories of sexual assault and rape from various friends. Some of these stories involved female rapists and one involved a male rapist. The genders involved shouldn't matter...rape is what needs to be stopped...not male rapists only. :(

I liken this to the need for equal HUMAN rights...not feminism or men's rights over the other...HUMAN rights. We are all equally human, no?

Title	I am at a loss...
Author	xelnott
Upvotes	69
Comments	21
Date	January 10, 2013 1:40 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/mensrights/comments/16abjs/i-am-at-a-loss/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/i-am-at-a-loss.1603729 https://theredarchive.com/post/1603729

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