Debate, inquiry, whatever: How do YOU feel about marriage?

eggilicious · 2013-01-24T17:25:23+00:00

I want to get married but there are issues with the way divorce is handled

crankypants15 · 2013-01-24T20:22:10+00:00

I'm divorced in Michigan, which has the worst divorce laws I ever heard of. I will not be getting married ever again though I want a life partner.

A piece of paper will not guarantee we stay together. Our dedication and skills will.
A marriage license is really a license to steal unreasonable amounts of assets from the man. There is nothing in it for me, the man. Child support is fine with me, but Michigan amounts are way too high.
I can get legal documents to pass on my assets to my partner, give them power of attorney for medical decisions, etc.
The only question I have is how do I get them on my medical insurance.

Summary of Michigan divorce laws

My base child support amount is based on our combined income. So it was $1500 per month. Michigan claims it takes $1500 per month to raise a child. I disagree.
Michigan divorce law says I cannot move more than 50 miles away from my minor child. Even if I lose my job or the economy goes bad.
If I cannot pay for child support, I go to jail at taxpayer expense of $32,000 per year.
Child support arrears are for life. Bankrupcty will not erase child support arrears.
Prenuptial agreements are ignored for the areas of child support and alimony. So a man cannot protect himself and neither will the law.

memymineown · 2013-01-24T17:20:20+00:00

I don't need a piece of paper to proclaim my love for someone.

ceranna · 2013-01-24T18:15:48+00:00

I'm fully commited to my SO and I hope (in the not so distance future) to be married, grow old and raise our children together. I'm a child of divorce and I've tried really hard not to mimic the behavior of BOTH my parents that led to the divorce in my own relationship. Still though, when I get married I'd like to keep the finances completely seperate, and probably establish a pre-nup.

I don't think marriage is a sentance for divorce though. While the divorce rate is very high (40-50% depending on the study), there are a bunch of factors that help mitigate your chances of it happening such as education level and age.

2013-01-24T18:10:39+00:00

Hi, woman here. I love my marriage and I'm glad I did it, I find it much more meaningful than "it's just a piece of paper". Growing old together is a big part of it and sometimes it's terrible because you have to watch the other person suffer, and if you really love a person that can be a lot harder than suffering yourself. Also, marriage becomes very existential when you realise you are going to lose your mate one way or the other in the end. But I think marriage, like having children, is worth doing not because it's FUN but because it's a unique experience and very deepening and enriching.

Editing for confusing typo

Super_delicious · 2013-01-24T19:44:34+00:00

Marriage is a partnership. Each person needs to equally contribute to the house, the marriage, the kids and each others emotional needs. There needs to be lots of forgiveness, compromising and love. Divorce is never an option or even a word that exist concerning you and your SO. Marriage is also one of the most wonderful things in the world. Fill your marriage with love and support and it'll be the most wonderful thing you've ever experienced.

SuperUppercut · 2013-01-24T22:48:36+00:00

Marriage simply fails the cost/benefit analysis. It holds almost zero benefit for me but mountains of potential risk. However, women my age seem insanely interested in getting hitched and get quite upset when guys speak out against marriage. I solved this problem by raising my standards considerably. Personally I wouldn't marry a woman who I didn't trust with my life.

2013-01-24T23:34:58+00:00

I would love to get married. Male, 32 years old. Just don't see it happening.

But to be honest: After my longterm-relationships I am the happiest single ever. It would have to be a very special woman.

rightsbot · 2013-01-24T16:52:18+00:00

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truthjusticeca · 2013-01-24T16:59:14+00:00

Only romantic fools believe that relationships are forever.

I don't see any benefit for men, but there are a lot of potential negative consequences.

sibqm_lmvm · 2013-01-25T01:41:13+00:00

I just celebrated my two year anniversary with my girlfriend. We started dating about a week after we met and things are great. We live in Canada where the divorce laws arn't QUITE as bad as the US, but sadly still skewed towards women. However, she reads MR with me sometimes and strongly opposes the idea of taking half a man's things with divorce and ruining his life. She will graduate university with a Masters in Biology and will hopefully work with animals. She finds it sickening how some women play the victim card when they're clearly innocent just to take advantage of the law. She's proud and refuses to cheat the law even if she has to suffer consequences for her actions. We've talked about the prospect of marriage and if things go well the way they are, I have no objections to marrying this woman some day, but not for at least 4 or 5 more years. She's not controlling, she's not overbearing, there's no red flags and she takes my feelings and opinions seriously. She even likes my ideas for a...non-traditional wedding. Marriage is about partnership, trust, and equality. Don't ever rush into marriage after a few years of knowing a person. LIVE with them as if you were a couple before getting married. Living 24/7 under the same roof for a few years will be the actual test of your relationship and if things are as good or better than when you began, there's no reason not to. If you feel burdened with the idea of marriage, don't do it. Common law is great and puts less stress on everyone if things go south.

loose-dendrite · 2013-01-25T03:39:11+00:00

I want to get married a great deal but this is heavily tempered by the danger of divorce and how divorce colors the power balance of a relationship.

I am unwilling to marry if I don't know the woman very well and know I can trust her. So I develop my understanding of human personality. Sadly I've learned that I am very compatible with one sort of personality fairly common in women that also correlates with flipping from love to hate. Somehow when they feel hurt they don't register that their actions hurt others. It makes them passionate but also childishly evil. Unfortunately divorce law enables the worst but not the best.

...a bit of a mini rant but relevant.

ilovenotohio · 2013-01-25T16:09:34+00:00

I believe in marriage as the end-goal of a relationship and something that is beneficial to societal stability.

There are many, many kinks that need worked out as described by some of my friends here, but on the whole, I believe it's an important institution (I'm not religious, but whatever).

Title	Debate, inquiry, whatever: How do YOU feel about marriage?
Author	sibqm_lmvm
Upvotes	2
Comments	42
Date	January 24, 2013 4:33 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/mensrights/comments/1772fc/debate-inquiry-whatever-how-do-you-feel-about-/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/debate-inquiry-whatever-how-do-you-feel-about.1604797 https://theredarchive.com/post/1604797

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