What to do when woman says by text "I need to talk to you about something" and when you say "ok" she says "not now, later"

Archwinger · 2016-02-22T17:12:09+00:00

Women do this as a power play. They're imagining you squirming, wondering what she's going to bring up later. Hoping you follow up, keep asking, chase her, and try to get this out of her, as though she has something worthwhile to say.

If a woman really has something to say, she will say it. She won't begin with "I have something to say" or "Can I ask you a question/favor" or "We need to talk." There's no point in prefacing a conversation with non-words except as a power play.

The only responses in this case are to ignore or just say "k" and then act like it didn't happen. Never bring it up again.

nastynickdr · 2016-02-22T16:44:23+00:00

What she means is "I want your attention and i like drama"

"Ok" would be a good reply. And dont give a fuck about it.

capnpirate · 2016-02-22T18:28:26+00:00

Stop showing that behavior bothering you. She knows that's an emotional button for you so she pushes it. Women like sampling the buffet of emotions, even at someone else's expense. As others have said, ignore it.

youcantdenythat · 2016-02-22T19:39:12+00:00

Turn the tables.

Radio silence for long enough to get her wondering.. when you finally talk to her pretend like it never happened.

Don't make this fun for her. Amused mastery or Stoicism. When she finally does want to talk, tell her you were just about to go to the gym and that maybe you guys can talk later.

Drag it out until she realizes this tactic won't work on you.

RedPillAccount69 · 2016-02-22T16:39:12+00:00

"K"

Then talk later. She sounds pregnant.

RedPillAccount69 · 2016-02-22T17:29:42+00:00

Now, what I said is, "I have told you this before. If you are not ready to talk about whatever it is you want to talk about, then don't even bring it up until you are ready to talk about it".

Dude she is trying to get your hamster spinning with "I want to talk later." Mission accomplished. You have broke frame completely, it was extremely fucking easy for her. Next time, hold frame and say "K" to her first text. Don't even ask what it is. When unsure, treat them like you would a 5 year old. Would you ever get worked up by what a 5 year old wanted to talk to you about later? Proceed accordingly.

bsutansalt · 2016-02-22T20:04:33+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/3t65ba/we_need_to_talk_and_other_ways_of_controlling_the/

Don't fall into their frame.

When anybody says "we need to talk" and expects the conversation to take place in the future, respond with "if you have something to say, say it now." If they say it "needs to be in person" or they "need time to sit down and really talk about it," just tell them that you're not interested in playing games and if they felt the need to go out of their way to alert you that they needed to talk, they'd go ahead and say it, or forever hold their peace. If, in the future, they try to broach the subject again, shut it down and tell them that you do not tolerate drama and suspense building as a form of communication, and that their communication with you needs to be purposeful or not at all.

fnordsnord · 2016-02-22T20:30:04+00:00

This is a power play. She wants to be on your mind, and she wants you on the defensive.

Your first response should have been. "Ok." and nothing else. just wait.

When you get "not now, I'm busy." Ignore it. Do not respond.

When she DOES get back to you, put it off. I like the guy who said "Tell her you're headed to the gym."

maxofreddit · 2016-02-23T04:04:54+00:00

So much good stuff here, but here's what I've done in the past.

Option 1 - answer her preemptively with a nonsensical answer.

"...lets talk later."
"the answer is 42."

This does a couple things; it playfully lets her know that whatever it is, it isn't a big deal and your not stressed about it, and not giving it any thought. It also shows her that if she's being ridiculous, two can play, and you'll win. If it gets a laugh even better.

Option 2 - give an answer that could mean something, but it way out of left field

"...let's talk later"
"yeah, we need to decide on a color for the bathroom."

This also does a couple things, but primarily instantly starts her hamster in your favor...her brain is all, "Did we talk about painting the bathroom? How long has he wanted to change the color? Why didn't he say anything? What else does he want to change? ...and on and on.."

If she texts back ,

"What are you talking about?"

You simply reply, "not now, we'll talk later."

Edit(s) - formatting

PBRistasty · 2016-02-23T14:29:52+00:00

Dont respond to it, even in the context of the conversation.

Her next attempt at drama will be "did you get my message?"

Yup...Then shes left wondering why you dont give a shit.

stillnoturday · 2016-02-22T20:20:10+00:00

You should of just left it at Ok.

yGTWgtNrco · 2016-02-23T00:37:04+00:00

Men are more fixated on time than women are. We have larger geospatial cortex in our brains, whereas women have denser connections between the hemispheres.

I know when people tell me to meet at a certain time, it is my experience that the men tend to be on time and apologise for being late, whereas women don't seem to be as phased about it. Neither bothers me, very much, but I do respect the apology.

-Riskbreaker- · 2016-02-23T02:48:27+00:00

I would completely ignore the initial message and any follow ups that have the intention of drawing you into her frame. Even saying 'talk now or not at all' will end up pulling you into a text conversation which will just waste time.

LifeMedic · 2016-02-23T08:00:06+00:00

"We need to talk"

Options I've used with success:

"k" (easiest response)

"SILENCE WOMAN!" - turn off phone. Oh the rage, priceless, and they completely forget what they wanted to talk to you about. This has always been my go to.

"Yeah, we need to talk. But I think you should be sitting down when I talk to you and it should be face to face, so later works for me" - Depending on how well you've been applying dread, this one completely shuts down all uses of "We need to talk" conversations.

MeatCurtainRod · 2016-02-22T16:58:00+00:00

She got a rise out of you. That is all she wanted; drama. You failed her shit test. You should have just said "ok" and promptly forgot about it. You realize thinking about it and thinking about her is exactly what she wants you to do, as an orbiter right?

abdada · 2016-02-22T17:09:21+00:00

"And?"

speed3_freak · 2016-02-22T18:57:31+00:00

"There's something I want to talk to you about."

"No."

"But..."

"'No' means 'no.'"

[deleted] · 2016-02-22T20:57:32+00:00

IDGAF

but then when she really wants to tell you something, just say:

"Not now, I am busy, let's talk later."

nodoxsavefreespeech · 2016-02-22T22:38:11+00:00

spit it out now or don't bring it up again

50pluspiller · 2016-02-22T22:06:25+00:00

My wife did that to me, my response:

"Obviously it's not important then, no need to talk about it later, I'll be busy. "

Usually, she would hamster, I would be silent, then she would say," fine I'll tell you now. "

After I gave her more shit, I would let her tell me.

NotUpToAnythingGood · 2016-02-23T01:09:57+00:00

The rare occasion I get something like that from my wife, I tell her straight up "Now isn't a good time. I'm busy." as I'm typically at work when this sort of message comes up (they rarely do anymore for me).

Other good defusers are...

k
I'll be home at TIME_HERE, we can talk then
ignore the message outright

It normally works out well.

Title	What to do when woman says by text "I need to talk to you about something" and when you say "ok" she says "not now, later"
Author	RedPillAccount69
Upvotes	30
Comments	52
Date	February 22, 2016 4:36 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/471mhi/what_to_do_when_woman_says_by_text_i_need_to_talk/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/what-to-do-when-woman-says-by-text-i-need-to-talk.161103 https://theredarchive.com/post/161103

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