When people ask how I got so good at cold approach, I tell them I learned it from my dad.

My dad was not a pick-up artist. Rather, my dad was a happily married man who (as far as I know) never cheated on my mom, but he was also a friendly, outgoing, positive guy who loved to talk to strangers. Growing up, I saw him constantly start conversations with random people – the teller at the bank, the old man with the cute dog, the lady at the gas station pumping gas next to us, etc. He would crack jokes, give compliments, or just small talk about whatever was happening in the moment. There was a purity to these interactions – my dad was not trying to get anything from the people he was talking to and they were not trying to get anything from him. They were just two strangers sharing a moment, two strangers who might never see each other again.

Of course, as an angsty kid, I hated the fact that my dad talked to random people. “Why are you talking to this lady behind us in the grocery line?” I would mutter under my breath. ‘It’s so weird.” But I eventually realized that my dad was not doing anything weird or wrong. In fact, almost everybody my dad struck up a conversation with seemed happy to talk to him. Maybe it was because my dad was a friendly older man and was not “hitting” on anybody, but he never suffered the kind of humiliating rejection that pick-up artists have nightmares about.

My dad’s interactions went well because he was charming, which means he made people feel good about themselves. My dad always had a giant smile, had very warm body language and eye contact, was extremely friendly, genuinely listened to whatever people were saying, and let people talk about whatever they wanted to talk about (rather than whatever my dad wanted to talk about). Given that my dad was only spreading positivity and not trying to get anything, it was hard to resist feeling good when talking to him. For the same reasons, by the way, my dad was also amazing at sales and became a very successful businessman.

Watching my dad, I learned that most people are more than happy to have a friendly, positive conversation with a complete stranger. On the outside, people in public often look like they are cold, closed-off, and do not want to talk to strangers, but people only project that image because they think OTHER people are cold, closed-off, and do not want to talk to them. But if you have the rare power to warmly approach a complete stranger and make them feel like it is ok to have a conversation with you, more likely than not, people will open up to you. The truth is that most people, even hot girls, are lonely, starved of emotional connection, and unhappy with the relationships in their life, so being approached by a random friendly stranger is like a breath of fresh air.   

When I was 16 years old, I went on a vacation to Europe with my family. One night after my mom and sister went to bed, my dad offered to take me out drinking. I agreed, and we ended up in some hole in the wall bar that was completely empty except for two smoking hot chicks. At that time, I had just started reading about game, so I kind of wished my dad was not there so I could approach them. At the same time, I also knew I would not have the balls to approach even if my dad was gone.

As I tried to stare at girls without my dad noticing, my dad looked at me and said, “Want to go talk to those girls?” “Hell no!” I said, recoiling. “Why would two hot girls want to talk to a man in his 50s and his 16 year old son? That’ crazy.” “Fine,” said my dad, shrugging his shoulders. “I’ll go talk to them myself.” The next thing I knew, my dad was walking over to approach the girls. I looked away because I did not want to see my dad get rejected, but after a few minutes, I looked back over and saw my dad and the girls having a grand old time laughing, touching each other, and having a fun conversation.

My dad noticed me watching and motioned to me to come over and talk to the girls with him. I thought about it for a second and decided to not go. It was just too weird. After he realized his son was a fucking pussy, my dad stopped talking to the girls and came back to me. That was when I realized that any man can approach any woman, so long as he does it right.

When I started studying game, I quickly realized that the attitude most guys have about approaching women is completely wrong. Most guys see an “approach” as a grand, dramatic gesture where you put your ego and dignity on the line to validate yourself to a random woman by “demonstrating high value.” That’s completely wrong, and if you look at approaches like that you will be anxious, weird, and beta.

When I go out, my goal is to not get laid, get phone numbers, or even to approach girls. My goal is simply to have fun. Some nights I approach tons of girls, some nights I approach 0. It depends on how I’m feeling. I also don’t worry about “openers” or manipulative tricks like talking to the ugly friend in the group first. Instead, I just compliment anybody who has done something to deserve it. I see a dude wearing a sick T-shirt? I compliment him. I see a girl with a cool or creative outfit? I compliment her. I see a hot girl fall? I make fun of her. I don’t care if the hottest girl in the club is surrounded by 100 horny dudes waiting in line to talk to her. If there is something about her worth complimenting, I walk to the front of the line, compliment her, and move on. And almost every time, the girl ends up chasing me because I was the one guy in the club that was not being needy, weird, or anxious.

You should think of yourself as like a little kid having fun who is not self conscious at all, who does not care what people think of him, and who does not “want” anything except to have fun. You should also think like you can get all the women in the world so you don’t need to focus on any particular woman or interaction. Even if you suffer the harshest, most humiliating rejection in the history of game, you have tons of other girls that like you so you don’t care. Once you start taking this attitude and talking to everyone, you will eventually find yourself in a fun, interesting conversation with a hot girl who wants to fuck you, almost like the universe magically makes it happen or you.  

Of course, if you approach a hot woman at a nightclub or compliment a woman’s dress, she will know you probably want to fuck her. That’s ok – you cannot and should not try to hide that. It’s totally ok to express your sexuality to beautiful women. But you also need to also make clear that your fun comes first. You want her to think that fucking her would be hella sweet, but your fun comes first, so if she is not positively contributing to your emotional experience, you will move on.

Women love attention so they love to be approached, even by guys they are not attracted to. But what women DO NOT like is the feeling that the guy who just approached them will hang around all night like a pimple on their taint. Unfortunately, this is the vibe that most men give when they approach and why they get instantly rejected. But if you make clear that your fun comes first and you will move on if the woman is not contributing to your fun, women quickly see that you will not become an annoying pimple on her taint like most guys. Once a woman knows you will move on if she is being boring, she will be more likely to feel comfortable talking to you.

By complimenting girls but then quickly moving on if I am not having fun, I “plant a seed.” I may or may not see any particular again, but if you plant enough seeds eventually one of them will bloom into a beautiful flower of sex. There have been times when I talked to a girl at the beginning of the night, and at end of the night we run into each other again and go home together. Contrary to what some pick-up artists say, you don’t need to be up a girl’s butt all night to go home with her, unless of course, she is showing extreme interest and wants you to be up her butt.

Another mistake that a lot of guys make is staring at the one girl they like and waiting all night until they have a chance to talk to her. That’s wrong. Even if there is only one girl at a venue you think is attractive, you should still talk to everybody and not focus on her. Weirdly enough, by talking to everybody you are more likely to end up talking to the girl you liked than if you sit there staring at her like a creep, waiting for your turn.

Talking to random people may sound like a waste of time to a guy that just wants to get laid, but it often  pays off in weird and unexpected ways. For example, even though I am not gay, there have been times when I have started talking to a random gay guy and then suddenly his 4 hot girl friends show up. Now we are all hanging out, and the random gay guy is my biggest cheerleader because he knows I wasn’t just there to perv on his friends.

If you are too scared to talk to random people, start small. Just say “Hi” to people as you are walking – don’t stop to say anything, just say “Hi” and walk by. If you are too scared to say “Hi,” just wave at random people. Sometimes when I am walking and I see a hot girl drive by, I wave at her. Surprisingly, the girl usually waves back. I promise you that waving at a girl who is driving a car while you are walking is the most non-threatening way to “approach” a girl there is. Once you get comfortable saying hi, just compliment people and keep walking. “Hey, I love your shoes.” Don’t linger around, don’t ask for anything, just give the compliment and keep it moving. Eventually, you will see that the people you compliment will want you to hang around and keep talking.