How to deal with intense and irrational jealousy?

TheTerrorSquad · 2015-09-29T19:41:18+00:00

Given that you know there is no rational reason for ypu to doubt him and you're a aware this is all in your head doesn't this at least give you some reassurance?
Other than that you should know you could potentially kill your relationship. There is nothing fun about being with someone who is incessantly suspicious. It'll wear his love goggles out over time.
When it rears it's ugly head take yourself away and tell yourself ypu need to stop

[deleted] · 2015-09-29T20:15:18+00:00

Since he hasn't given any indications of untrustworthiness, the jealousy is your own issue. Don't bring it up to him or use it to cage him (ugh sweetie don't go out with your bros there might be a girl there you know I have jealousy issues =/ , etc ) as that will only lead to him resenting you and wanting to rebel.

Simply acknowledge the feeling is irrational, channel it into self improvement and being the best girlfriend you can possibly be, and beyond that, just accept the feeling as normal and ok. Just because you feel something bothersome doesn't mean you have to act on it, this is an important reality people must learn. It is perfectly acceptable to feel something strongly, accept that you can't change the way you feel, and just accept feeling it as just part of life. Which seems to be your situation.

I would not recommend professional counseling or therapy where you go to just sit and stew and reward an irrational feeling like this with your time and attention.

PremiumGoose · 2015-09-30T01:29:18+00:00

As someone who got out of the Corps as well and am now going to school to finish my degree, 18yr old girls to us are fucking retarded. If what you provide in your relationship and at home isn't as appealing as some silly girl who needs to snap and Instagram every moment of her life, or who has never had personal responsibility, or only has the same friends she went to high school with, you have bigger troubles.

Up your girl game, be supportive it's a rough transition, and don't worry so much. Sounds like you're nervous he will be having a new life and you won't be part of it. Offer to meet his new friends and hang out sometimes. Best of luck OP

closetrpw · 2015-09-30T14:37:20+00:00

If he cheated on his last gf with you, I don't think your fears are irrational, but I would keep reminding you that he CHOSE you over her, so you have proven yourself once. You're going to have to keep proving yourself.

Right now, I'd say you're experiencing light dread- he's just going back to school. Recognize that this light dread is what keeps you wanting him- and that's great! You're with a high quality alpha. Embrace the feelings telling you that you don't want to lose him. He hasn't flirted with anyone yet nor made any female friends yet, so just try to stay grounded and be the best girl you can be.

Your anxiety right now is coming from your need to predict or control the future. The thing is, you can't really control other girls or his actions, nor can you predict the future, so there is really nothing you can do except to be the best version of you, sit back, and to see what happens. This is where real surrendering and letting go comes in. If larger problems arise, you will cross that bridge when you get there. Accept the fate that he might find someone better- if he does, then in the long run, you will feel much better if you tried your best and failed than having a case of the what ifs ("what if I had worked out more or lost weight or was nicer...etc"). If he finds someone better- you don't want to be with him. You don't want to be a back up.

If and when any one of your fears materializes (say, on a specific girl), then you bring the problem to your SO. If he is a good captain and cares about you, he'll do what he can to make you feel secure.

frozen_strawberry · 2015-09-29T21:10:04+00:00

Can you elaborate on what made him cheat on his ex with you and not break it off first? What was their relationship like? Why was the end of their relationship and the start of yours so messy?

[deleted] · 2015-09-29T19:35:56+00:00

Therapy might be an option. Jealousy is the fear of someone taking what is yours. Do you feel like he will find someone better than you? Do you remind yourself about your great qualities and the reasons he does want to be with you? I'd address how you feel about yourself vs what he could do to you. Jealousy is a tough one to deal with and it isn't healthy. It can generally lead to your SO actually leaving you which is what you want to avoid.

cats_or_get_out · 2015-09-29T22:18:51+00:00

I notice you're cohabitating. Was that your idea or his? Do you want to get married? If you want marriage and he doesn't (right now), then those feelings might be coming from there.

viriXXus · 2015-09-29T23:09:44+00:00

My guess: It sounds like you might not have the greatest self esteem if you are afraid he'll find someone better. The solution here is not to artificially inflate your self worth (like BPers would tell you to do -- "just love yourself the way you are BS") but to actually work on yourself. When you improve yourself and your life there's a certain confidence that follows, and it'll help negate this. I think this usually happens when a woman believes her man is high value (which is great!) but then she's unsure of her own value to that man. Fortunately in today's society, most women are pretty much not marriage material for a guy who leans RP. So if you can offer him your best effort in everything and he already likes you, you don't have to really worry much as long as you're on top of your game (a good rationalization to use)

And if you're just facing paranoid PMS/hormonal troubles, i find that going through old stuff (photos, saved chats/emails/texts, etc) or watching/reading overly sappy idealizing love stuff can help remind me he really loves me.

always-be-closing · 2015-09-30T02:40:46+00:00

This is happening because he is a high quality man

And you innately recognize that he has options if only circumstances present themselves.

This is the basic premise of 'dread game' wherein redpill Men are supposed to live so well and be so fulfilled that they inspire dread in a spouse who has not fulfilled her end of the bargain.

This is basically the advice we have for men:

Wife not giving you sex?

Lift, eat right, cardio, clean up well and dress nicely and don't initiate sex with her. Spend some time out of the house with your buds.

Girlfriend nagging?

Don't tell her a goddamn thing, and never let her get you upset, talk about other girls.

Etc.

In those circumstances, it is reinforcing "I have options, and if you don't uphold your part of the deal, I can walk without issues - - how about you?"

What you're feeling is natural, and it's a sign you should work on providing him value and recognize the ways you do make your relationship work and do already provide value to him staying.

Washiface · 2015-09-30T11:06:14+00:00

Jealousy is the most toxic and un attractive emotion. I have no advice for you unfortunately but I can say that your fears of your man flirting or having a female friend are worse in your head than they are in reality. My husband has 2 female friends, they have both been extremely helpful in his career. They are supportive and will tirelessly try and help him find new jobs (he's freelance). I know that one of his female friends used to have a BIG crush on him. So what? She still watched me walk down the aisle with him. If I expressed jealousy over the situation, it would make her feel like she is a threat and has power over me. I organise most of our little double dates together, I have no issue with them being friends. I know he isn't attracted to her. My husband is also a giant flirt, especially when he's been drinking. He'll flirt with the old lady taking tickets on the metro, pretty barmaids and women he detests at work. I just tease him about it, as it usually grosses him out the next day. He has those piercing blue eyes and random women (and men) will stop in the street and say 'wow!' But so what? They're my blue eyes! If your man is actually going to cheat, then it would most likely because of problems in the relationship. If you're having fun together, aren't arguing every week and have regular good sex then I wouldn't worry about an affair.

[deleted] · 2015-09-30T16:19:56+00:00

First I will start off by saying that I agree with the things other ladies have said here, regarding therapy and why did he pick you in the first place, etc. I have a big jealousy streak in me, both of my parents had multiple affairs while I was growing u,p and I seemed to enjoy dating morons in my early twenties and was cheated on then too. So I know first hand what that anxiety is.

What I do is make sure that I do everything I possibly can for my husband at home and really cater to him so he is so happy he wouldn't even think to look outside the relationship for anything - its all already there! I also go out of my way to have sex with him at least once a day because again, if he's getting it at home, he won't be going out looking for it. That helps me, idk if it will help you. I know my level of commitment may not be feasible to women who have children, I only have my husband to take up my time at home.

Title	How to deal with intense and irrational jealousy?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	14
Comments	28
Date	September 29, 2015 7:30 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/3mvdyc/how_to_deal_with_intense_and_irrational_jealousy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-to-deal-with-intense-and-irrational-jealousy.166470 https://theredarchive.com/post/166470

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