I'm 20, almost 21, and Black, living in NYC. Where do I find a LTR with a high value man?

ragnarockette · 2016-04-06T14:32:24+00:00

Step 1 is always work on being the highest value mate you can possibly be. That means get yourself in shape (although if you're a dancer you could probably teach me a thing or two in this arena), find flattering hair/makeup/clothing styles, learn to cook, read more, make your home beautiful, find fulfilling hobbies and volunteer activities. We often refer to this step as "monk mode" because flirtations can distract you from truly getting you in order.

Step 2 is put yourself out there. Personally, I think letting your friends know you're interested in meeting quality guys is always a good thing. Most people love to play cupid, and these type of group dates are typically low-pressure. Beyond that, I think sporty activities like the gym, co-ed sports leagues, running clubs, and even fantasy leagues can be great places to connect with guys (bonus: they're fun!). I also have met a lot of high value and quality men through volunteer work. D-bags typically aren't spending their Saturdays working with at-risk youth, so they come virtually pre-vetted!

I think finding a man who will "wait to have sex with you" is tough when you frame it like that. Unless you're both religious, most men aren't going to wait until marriage. I think you should reframe your goal as "finding a man who you connect with relatively quickly who makes his commitment to you clear." Don't use sex to lure them in. And don't use sex as part of your vetting process.

bicepsblastingstud · 2016-04-06T16:22:28+00:00

Just wondering where to go to meet a man who would wait to have sex with me.

The wording on this is tripping flags for me.

Why is this the only thing you're seeing fit to look for? Is this what "high-value man" means to do? Did your ex refuse to wait to have sex with you? Is there some third factor going on here?

It's bizarre for your only criterion to be "someone who will wait to have sex with me."

abdada · 2016-04-06T14:13:20+00:00

Don't do modeling if you don't have an actual real manager to review your contracts, negotiate you the best rate, and make sure you're doing real pro-level modeling. If you can't get a real manager, don't expect it to take you far.

I'm not sure what "aspiring dancer" means. Do you mean ballet or theater?

If you want a high value man, you have to bring higher value to a relationship. What do you offer that a high value man would want?

scallopkid · 2016-04-06T14:31:21+00:00

From what I can see of abusive relationships, they are very destructive to self esteem. I think it's important to try to work through this, because otherwise you are more vulnerable to another person with abusive tendencies, and may even subconsciously seek that kind of person out. I guess it depends, do you feel ok in this regard?

Meeting guys during the day or slowly through friends is going to set the tone for not having sex right away.

placated_doll · 2016-04-06T17:17:40+00:00

If you just got out of an abusive relationship, I would actually encourage you NOT to seek out a relationship, right now. You will, unintentionally ofc, bring some of that baggage with you. ETA: High value men in the same geographical location tend to be in one anothers' social and career networks, and they will talk about you at some point when they realize they both know you.

Try monk mode, instead. Improve yourself. Seek counseling to determine why you stayed in an abusive relationship. Focus on your career. Make good friends in your industry (some of which you may be able to leverage as part of a dating network, in the future).

EGOtyst · 2016-04-06T19:18:05+00:00

Go to industry trade shows. Full of professionals, mostly male, who are bored as shit. Go up, talk to them about their job. Ask out the interesting ones.

CamusSeesSumac · 2016-04-06T14:09:48+00:00

Are you in school?

MeditateErrDay · 2016-04-06T22:30:39+00:00

Don't rush into things. If you're needy, you're going to attract a needy guy.

What did you learn about the abusive relationship? Find some counseling and get a deeper understanding of yourself so you can be a better mate.

jm51 · 2016-04-07T15:53:17+00:00

You had sex with the other guy without getting married. Making me wait until marriage means (to me) that he has more value to you than me. Why would I want to marry a woman that values me less than her previous guy(s)?

Title	I'm 20, almost 21, and Black, living in NYC. Where do I find a LTR with a high value man?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	7
Comments	23
Date	April 6, 2016 2:05 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/4dlvcl/im_20_almost_21_and_black_living_in_nyc_where_do/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/im-20-almost-21-and-black-living-in-nyc-where-do-i.166787 https://theredarchive.com/post/166787

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