Should I tell him about my gastric bypass?

teaandtalk · 2017-04-05T10:50:53+00:00

Probably #1. It'll be pretty obvious, don't try to lie to him.

[deleted] · 2017-04-05T14:10:34+00:00

Tell him you had it, why hide it? If you mention it a year from now he'll be out off that you kept it from him. I don't think you need to have a "coming to Jesus" talk about it but just steer a conversation your already having to the topic.

HobbesTheBrave · 2017-04-05T11:45:50+00:00

Don't lie. Let him know.

You don't want a guy you can fool, and thus dominate. You don't want him to resent the fact that he got fooled into marriage, and got to know this fact after he became legally bound to a deceptive girl. How is the rest of the marriage look like?

Would you like to be married with a guy who successfully lied to you about details you really don't want falsified? How would you feel being legally bound to a guy who made a fool out of you?

Do you think you could love a guy like that, in sickness, in poverty, in disasters? Do you think he would love you, in those awful, awful times?

cynicalhousewife · Wed Apr 5 12:33:18 2017 UTC

He knows you are already overweight and he is obviously OK with that. You say you still have quite a bit to lose. Only you can decide whether or not you want to tell him. Chances are he will probably guess something is up because people who have had a gastric bypass can't eat like everyone else can they?

youreallmeatanyway · 2017-04-05T16:03:13+00:00

I'd go with No.1 once you two reach the intimate stage of your relationship.

Relevant personal story:

The last woman I was in love with was a woman who spent several years growing unhealthily fat and had recently (like, last year or two before I met her) revamped her life and became very fit and strong. The end result was that she too had noticeable amount of excess skin and she too was a bit insecure about it.

I wont lie and say it was completely irrelevant. But I learned about this on like day 3 and we still went on to date for 6 months thereafter. She was just simply that amazing of a person (and lover).

What I'm saying is that if the connection and attraction you two share is sufficient, then this will be nowhere near a "deal breaker" for him.

Best of luck. :)

throwawayhophathako · 2017-04-05T17:59:45+00:00

Actually, there's a 50% chance that someone who's had gastric bypass will gain weight in two years, so I wouldn't count on him feeling this way after a single Google search.
This sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. He'll be shocked. You'll be heartbroken. Don't.
This is a lie by omission.
This is also a lie by omission.

He deserves to know about this, not only for physical reasons, but to understand a major struggle in your life. It's possible he might not be on board, if he really values fitness and is afraid that this is evidence you don't. Please don't misunderstand my response. I think it's wonderful that you've made a major move to change your lifestyle. Hopefully he'll agree, because it is a big part of your life, especially so soon after the surgery. You need to tell him about this, directly and with minimal drama. It is what it is and if he's not on board, he reserves that right, just as you deserve to be with someone who will support you for it. In the future, I'd be upfront with this a little earlier in the relationship, perhaps as a throwaway comment on an early date.

I've lost a lot of weight myself and while I don't have excess skin, I do have stretch marks. The breast reduction I had at 15 has left its marks, as well. I felt much more comfortable having shared these details, nonchalantly, on the second or third date. There were no naked surprises.

indianblanket · 2017-04-05T17:03:24+00:00

Please stop worrying about it so much. Your body is a work in progress. You look different from what you are used to. It's naturally going to cause some mental gymnastics, but you're working toward a better you. Think about the other things your bypass has affected, rather than how bad it looks right now.

I would talk to him about it, just because it's such a big thing in your life, but instead of hounding on how "I don't look like other girls", focus on the less personal things that have changed. You probably eat less and get hungry less often. Use these as an opener to conversation, and talk it out with him to prepare both of you. Just relax. While it is a big change, and not many people go through this, it's not something you need to worry about. Embrace it.

[deleted] · 2017-04-05T19:02:53+00:00

My ex's face was pretty f up....he copped to over text before we met. I was glad he told me. I just looked down every time I'd see a scar. Over time I got use to it.

HelloImRIGHT · 2017-04-05T15:00:55+00:00

I'm only here because yesterday I listened to Joe Rogan's podcast with Rob Wolf. A lot was on nutrition and ketosis etc..

However the issue of excess skin after weight loss came up. Apparently, fasting and intermittent fasting solves the issue of excess skin. I'm not an expert by any means but I do know the surgeries that fix excess skin are incredibly dangerous and there are alternative solutions that actually work better.

Ill share this: the guy Joe and Rob are talking about lost like 250 lbs fasting and after his skin was completely normal because he was fasting instead of more traditional ways of weightloss. The benefits of fasting and intermittent fasting are mindblowing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F68kmH1KIMc

[deleted] · 2017-04-07T01:06:22+00:00

Just tell him. I've had my ovary and appendix removed in emergency surgery (huge absominal scar), tumor removed, thyroid removed, and my tubes tied. If you take care of yourself, dudes don't hold flaws outside of your control against you.

babymuffy · 2017-04-07T06:47:48+00:00

If you're about to get physical it's definitely time to bring it up. I'm not sure how bad your excess skin is but I'm 90lbs down in my 115lb weight loss journey and mine is definitely noticeable. Like you I'm set on getting plastics when I'm at my goal weight (tummy tuck, arm lift, breast augmentation & lift), I look good with clothes on but I'm nowhere near ideal naked.

My husband is with me in this ugly duckling weight loss phase (he's lost almost 170lbs) and we have no issues with our sex life. What I'm trying to say is, it probably won't be an issue but I definitely wouldn't just spring it on your guy in the heat of the moment. Tell him about the surgery and that you plan on getting plastics in future, you don't have to go into the gory details but let him wrap his brain around it before you're both in a vulnerable position.

IIRC WLS patients have a particular diet you have to follow, maybe that's a good way to bring it up. Something like, "Have you noticed I never drink carbonated drinks, don't finish my plate at dinner, etc? Well a year ago I had gastric bypass..." so it's not just out of the blue. Good luck!

[deleted] · 2017-04-07T11:38:24+00:00

It's kind of an issue for everything including the genetics of your children (I assume if you did something as drastic as bypass, it's a health issue) so I don't see how you wouldn't discuss it

Willow-girl · 2017-04-08T12:18:18+00:00

Maybe you could ease into the subject by bringing up some celebrity (Mama June?) who has had weight loss surgery and see how he reacts.

Title	Should I tell him about my gastric bypass?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	9
Comments	19
Date	April 5, 2017 10:28 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/63kpba/should_i_tell_him_about_my_gastric_bypass/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/should-i-tell-him-about-my-gastric-bypass.167226 https://theredarchive.com/post/167226

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