I love reading what all of you post, but there was one thing I struggled with... the idea that I need to get married.

I married a LVM and left when I got severely depressed with his toxicity. After MUCH therapy, I’m finally feeling myself again. I am learning to set healthy boundaries, not giving people more than they offer me, seeing all of the ways I let many people try to control me and take advantage of me.

I’ve been with my bf for 5 years. I know I know some of you are like that’s WAY too long... run. We’ve both been divorced and we have kids from those relationships but not together. We moved in together and I see that mistake.

The thing is, he is so amazing. He has encouraged me to be my best self, given me opportunities that I never knew existed.

Let me tell you, I started feeling like I was in some kind of diamond cage. I put in so much emotional work. I support him through his emotional baggage and I see him doing the work. He’s been the bread winner in every relationship and I see from the outside how people would be confused by me walking away from this. I have all of the financial support I could need. I have emotional support. We have an amazing sex life. We even work together which has been going really well and I’m helping to grow his businesses, getting flexibility to work when I want, and we agreed on a salary so I’m financially independent.

But... when things are bad, he hits the emergency button in anger and tells me it’s over. He calls me names. He throws things. This is abuse. It’s control and I’m not putting up with it anymore. I don’t care about the stuff, I care about SECURITY which means being consistent to build TRUST.

I’ll happily go back to being poor and single. I deserve better and I have a lot to offer someone else. Most of all, I’m happy being alone with my kids if it came down to it.

So I told him I need a big commitment. Ladies, this is about a partnership. I don’t work for free. Why should I be a wife to someone and let them leave me with nothing just because they feel insecure and angry? I deserve better. Y’all deserve better. If he’s still unsure about me, then it’s a no from me dawg. It’s not an ultimatum, it’s up to him to meet me up here or I demote him back down where he belongs.

Don’t move in until you have a contract to protect yourself and your kids. If he can’t take you seriously, leave.