I’m so confused by the whole ‘who pays for the date thing’...in my observation masculine men get really turned off when I pay?

NicoleInBlue · 2020-08-30T13:09:05+00:00

I personally believe that these men just weren't a match with you - no man who likes you would be turned off enough by your offer to ditch you.

However I don't think you should offer to pay so soon. It's important to show that you value yourself and you don't need to compensate him financially for taking you out. It's not gold digging or using him - he asked you out, he's the one courting you. Let yourself be courted and pay him back by showing him a good time - being pleasant, fun, cheerful and feminine.

fairydust91 · 2020-08-30T09:14:42+00:00

Hmm. I wouldn't personally offer to pay on the 1st date unless I invited him out which would never happen lol. We both know he's going to, so just let it happen and thank him for a lovely night. By date 4 maybe ask him out like "hey I know this cute coffee place" and you can treat him to that.

deleted-desi · 2020-08-30T21:30:51+00:00

In my opinion, you were behaving in a masculine manner. If you want to attract a traditional man, you should be willing to fulfill your end of the bargain, which is to be a woman. A real woman, which includes accepting financial provisions by your male date.

2020-08-30T13:13:33+00:00

I kept dates to coffee or a drink, unless he insisted on a meal. I never offered to pay, because I think the man should pay and that's pretty common in the South. I never had a man insist on splitting, likely because it was like $3. I never felt guilty, either, again because it was $3. If he insisted on a meal, that was on him, if things didn't go well.

My advice is to keep dates cheap/free and let him pay for the first few. After you get to know each other over a few dates, do something nice for him, like make him dinner or surprise him with tickets to a drive in to see his favorite old movie. I think it's less about you paying for something and more about you putting them on the spot by offering, on the date itself. This could also be regional. Most of the men I dated would have been equally turned off, because that's just not how it's done here.

unknownlady3245 · 2020-08-30T22:46:32+00:00

PS always let him drive, too. I never drove until I was actually married to my husband. And my car was better than his at the time, but I didn’t mind riding in his little truck. Don’t give it all away. Make him work for it.

yungsweetro · 2020-08-30T11:42:34+00:00

I’ve had no issues with men showing discomfort when I asked if they wanted to split the meal/dessert/coffee, but I never tried to pay for everything unless I was picking up coffee or some burgers for us. Personally, I’m totally fine with splitting but I can’t see myself ever wanting to pay for my date’s meal as well, so I naturally never offered to.

Perhaps they feel uncomfortable that you’d be ending the evening with them in the receiving position. I can sorta see why it leaves a sour note in their minds if their intention was to woo you and treat you that night.

If you want to show them that you’re grateful and interested in them without trying to foot the bill and deal with the awkwardness that may come with it, I’ve found that picking up coffees or pastries for your next casual hang out or preparing a picnic around date 5 or 6 is always a pleasant surprise for men. For the coffees, you can make it sound casual like you just so happened to walk by this cool coffeeshop on your way over and wanted to try it out. The picnic works better when there’s more investment on both ends.

TranslatedSky · 2020-08-30T16:25:56+00:00

Yeah it’s fine line between not wanting them to see you as entitled and being the receiving role. I always pull out my wallet getting ready to pay and the guy always stops me. You could do the same so there is no need to ask or offer, but it shows you don’t assume. You could also say, “do you mind if I get the coffee?”

Edit: you offering to get the coffee after the actual date isn’t a bad thing though. how are you defining traditional/masculine? Guys offering to pay for the meal is a normal occurrence. Getting their ego wounded for a girl offering to pay for a small cup of coffee in reciprocration after is weird. Better vet carefully.

2020-08-31T04:43:36+00:00

[deleted]

ThorsdaySaturnday · 2020-08-30T21:43:55+00:00

I let the guy pay on the first date, but will offer to pay or split the bill on a 2nd or 3rd date.

nocreativity729 · 2020-08-31T19:20:35+00:00

I let him pay for the first couple of dates and then I’m down to take turns. Not keeping track, but just, paying when it feels right.

BlueGluePonchoVilla · 2020-08-31T22:58:02+00:00

Coming from a male perspective, we like to show a woman we are interested in that we can provide for them by paying for their meal on a first date. There is also a societal pressure for us to pay on a date, and sometimes we wonder in our head if the waiter is judging us for letting our date pay and sometimes we'll wonder if our date is paying for her meal as a way of distancing and showing a lack of interest in us without saying so forthright or to not put herself in a position where anyone feels she owes him anything for the date. Which, of course, you don't owe us anything for accepting our offer of a dinner date. If you wish to pay for your meal but are genuinely interested in the guy and want a second date, it's okay to tell him so.

lemon_lips · 2020-10-26T05:15:52+00:00

The only line you ever need is a sweet-toned, “I can pay for myself.” It’s not insisting to pay, it’s just a polite thing to say. And it’s true.

jakethegreatwhite · 2020-08-30T13:57:15+00:00

I always go dutch on a first date, but if i really enjoy a woman's company i wouldn't mind paying from time to time especially if i made significantly more money then her. Some women try to get free meals yes, and if you're on your phone half the time idk why you would expect me to pay. There's a reason i stopped doing first dates that are anything other then a drink, coffee, or something interesting like a hike or dogwalk. Less risk for higher reward, i get rid of the meal ticket women and i have the power to leave early if we have terrible chemistry. I would be flattered if she offered to pay, and usually i would treat her to something nice afterwards. Alot of people also seem to forget that men have bills to pay aswell, and we can't afford to pay for so many expensive meals.

jadedbyhypocrisy · 2020-08-30T19:13:46+00:00

It's really strange you say this, because too many feminists have expected me to pay for everything, it was the reason I ran away from feminism!

OhioLax614 · 2020-08-30T10:58:12+00:00

Personally, I would enjoy having the meal paid for but really would feel more comfortable splitting it.

Remember that much of society tells us than the man is supposed to pay for the first date and he may be feigning discomfort since that is what is expected.

Title	I’m so confused by the whole ‘who pays for the date thing’...in my observation masculine men get really turned off when I pay?
Author	-ladykitsune-
Upvotes	22
Comments	37
Date	August 30, 2020 9:09 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/ij9wah/im_so_confused_by_the_whole_who_pays_for_the_date/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/im-so-confused-by-the-whole-who-pays-for-the-date.172131 https://theredarchive.com/post/172131

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