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Wife Going Back to Work

[deleted]

September 23, 2014
1 upvotes
/r/askTRP
Archived from /r/askTRP

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Post Information
Title Wife Going Back to Work
Author

[deleted]
Upvotes 1
Comments 32
Date September 23, 2014 3:41 PM UTC
(11 years ago)
Subreddit Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2h8jtn/wife_going_back_to_work/
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/wife-going-back-to-work.194089
https://theredarchive.com/post/194089

Comments

[–]1Microfuzz10 points11 points12 points 11 years ago (17 children) | Copy Link

Why don't you want her to go back to her career?

[–][deleted] 2 points2 points2 points 11 years ago | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]asd1100 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link

I agree, she can't do all 3, hell she can't do more than one, but just as becoming a mother didn't make her less of a woman. Now I'll give you a hint why that is: she is married to you.

People are lazy, women exponentially more so. If you let her slip she will focus on the easiest/ high reward option: pushing papers. IF you make it very clear that at no point in time can her career make her neglect her role of being a mother I see no problem.

Regarding her wife role, yes she will want to wear pants, but as long as you draw a clear line that you don't like her attitude(which I am guessing you have no problem managing since you are at this point with a abitious latina) and her "pants" and you married a skirt : sex should become just a logistics issue.(which you need to work out on your own)

[–][deleted] 2 points2 points2 points 11 years ago | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]asd1100 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link

Once she's out there it will put me in the position of having to point it out if/when it happens. Placing me in the bad guy role.

Nonono, you are parents, good and bad isn't in relation to your egos anymore, it's in relation to your kid. Pointing out when she is A BAD PARENT makes you a good partner and parent. A red pill relationship is not one in which you allow your partner to do what they like, but one in which you place boundaries and point out what it in the best interest of you as a family. Sometimes that means agreeing to take second place as a bred winner, other times it means you don't do your grownup homework because your kid needed help with his homework.

The job I have I can't leave

I disagree with that position. If you need to leave, you leave. (this is not related to relationships, but you do not accept other people managing your time and when it comes to family your job always takes a back seat)

[–][deleted] 0 points0 points0 points 11 years ago | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]asd1100 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link

I know, but that is the thing, jobs, especially western employment is desingned so you can't leave, so you are for at least 40 hours a week nothing but a cog, you are not father, you are not human you are not alpha.

This is what she knows: what society holds dear, obedience. This is why women don't leave their jobs for their children but do leave when they have cramps. I only worked for 6 months as a employee, I saw how fucked up it is and I negotiated gtting me on as a freelance contractor, I took a massive pay cut and needed to find a second job. Now after 2 years I earn about how much I earned at the start but pulling in about 60 hours. Now the plus side is that I love it: in the corporate job I have flexibility and progress much better than my peers within another 2 years I will pull enough so I won't need a second job and then I can go freelance for spending money. And my second job is worth basically pennies on the hour but it doubles as a social life: bartending and again I have a very flexible schedule.

Now I can afford it, because like with women I had the nose to sniff out the matrix when it comes to the job market. My point still is if you let them they will make you a cog, you are the one that defines his job, the business only cares fundamentally about money(I now some supervisors get of on power, but I just fuck their egos) find out how to make more of it and take charge of your working life.

[–]4lonGterMgoalS0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

I know, but that is the thing, jobs, especially western employment is desingned so you can't leave, so you are for at least 40 hours a week nothing but a cog, you are not father, you are not human you are not alpha.

I can name a few "alpha" jobs that you really can't leave when you want or need to. Firemen, Police, Military, certain security firms.... there are a lot of jobs and if OP has one of those jobs then he can't leave.

[–]asd1100 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

Those are just female resque/male power fantasy jobs, they are not alpha.

[–]4lonGterMgoalS0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

How you figure that?

An "alpha" is an "alpha" no matter what job but the more aggressive a job the more likely the guy has "alpha" traits. Those jobs already require a man to be physically fit and strong.

[–]asd11001 point 11 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Alpha means you have power, you have agency and you have responsibility.

The female fantasy jobs do not have agency, they are sacrificial symbols for the safety of others. The perfect altruist.

The male power fantasy jobs not only do not have agency they also lack responsability. You are just a cog, a very powerful cog but still something controlable by a superior. The perfect weapon.

[–]lonGterMgoalS1 point 11 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

You are just a cog, a very powerful cog but still something controlable by a superior

Everyone answers to somebody.

Seeing as I'm one of those altruist cogs and not someone looking in from the outside, like you, it shouldn't come as a surprise when I tell you I think you're fucking wrong. Appreciate you clarifying your views though.

[–]asd11001 point 11 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

I was talking about the fantasy not the job its self.

Your job is far from alpha you are the quintessential beta: loyal, sacrificial and disposable.

Just because you see it from the inside doesn't make it more special. Just your perspective significantly more subjective.

Your right it doesn't surprise me, your ego needs to be wrapped up in your profession to actually to actually think it's anything more than a exercise in obedience.

[–]lonGterMgoalS1 point 11 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

You know nothing about me. You really think you saying my job isn't "alpha" means something? It's just a fucking word. Who I am isn't dependent on my job.

One job isn't more "alpha" than another. That shit doesn't even make sense. You can lift, make millions, have a prestigious job and read every book on game but none of that shit matters if you're a weak, scared bitch at heart.

As for my ego. It's fucking huge, but it's not wrapped up in my profession. I couldn't give a fuck about my profession.

[–]asd11001 point 11 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

but none of that shit matters if you're a weak, scared bitch at heart

I agree, that is why hierarchical jobs which require a high level of obenience are incompatible with an alpha.

but it's not wrapped up in my profession. I couldn't give a fuck about my profession.

Good for you, that is a great attitude. That is exactly my point, as an alpha you will never undermine your self for your job. Back to my point, once you have a kid, no job, no boss can prevent you from being there for your kid.

[–]lonGterMgoalS1 point 11 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Back to my point, once you have a kid, no job, no boss can prevent you from being there for your kid.

Back to my original point, I have kids but if I'm in another country I can't be there. OP may be in the same predicament. That was my only point. He could have a badass job for all we know. I get what you're saying but stop and try to see it from someone else's perspective. He said twice he can't leave so I'm guessing, he really can't leave. Telling him he can isn't helpful if he can't.

[–]asd11001 point 11 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

I know the perspective, you made a conscious decision to go there. "My boss told me to" is a acceptable excuse for a woman or your average chump. You should understand that you always have a choice, a shitty one but you have it. This is what taking complete charge of your life looks like, this is how honor, valor and loyalty was initially born, not by making obvious decisions but hard ones.

[–]AskTRP Endorsed Contributorbicepsblastingstud7 points8 points9 points 11 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

What, exactly, did you think would happen when you married a career woman with an agreement that she would go back to work after one year?

You need to talk to her, but good luck with that one.

[–][deleted] 0 points0 points0 points 11 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]AskTRP Endorsed Contributorbicepsblastingstud2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Ah. That blows.

Honestly, I didn't think the career she had where we lived would be that easy to turn into finding another career where we live now. I completely underestimated her.

This doesn't bode well. It reads like you made the deal, assuming that she wouldn't be able to follow through in the first place.

Given that you had other schemes using her MIL... I'm really hoping that you're not playing these weird fuck-fuck games.

Your only chance is to talk to her about it, then. Do you head the family? Seriously, though. Do you head the family?

[–][deleted] 1 point1 point1 point 11 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]AfterC0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

What's her field? Is their part time work available in the field? That would be ideal.

[–]1OneTouchHowMuch3 points4 points5 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

The family giving you large money gifts? Sounds like your wife is complaining about money issues to her family.

[–]tombreck2 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I hated working retail jobs so I don't blame her

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Anyway back to my issue. How do I get my wife to work but not go back to her career?

Why not?

[–]leodoestheopposite 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

If you married a bright and smart woman, would you want her to be underemployed in a crappy little job beneath her?

I like career women, that's all I date; bright, smart career women with advanced degree. My present gf has a PhD and doing very cool research work.

[–][deleted] 0 points0 points0 points 11 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]wickedwildewolf0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree with you. No job is beneath me, if that's what's available. But if I or my partner can do better, then why not go for that?

It seems to me it's your insecurities that are holding you back. As long as she agrees about the priorities of being a mother and wife, I think you should give her a chance.

Her children will always be important to her. So if things get out of balance, be the captain that reminds her of her responsibilities, be the leader that will find the best way to make things work.

[–]MarriedRP5 points6 points7 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

You sound like a misogynist of the worst kind. You want to be the breadwinner, but you don't earn enough bread. You want to financial leader of our household, and the only way you can do it is to hold back your wife. You want her to support you in your career while you actively sabotage hers. You moved her away from her successful career to a cheaper place to live so you could afford to be the earner for no other perceivable reason than to subjugate her.

My bet is she leaves you. Not because you're beta, or she's swinging to a better branch. But because sometimes people want to surround themselves with others who lift them up, not constantly hold them back.

[–]asd1100 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

You can't get a well of matriachal woman to bow before your insignificant salary. I know it stings but you have 2 choices:

  • let that insecurity dominate your life and your relationship until it either becomes unbearable or you break up(there are of course reasonable issues with her having a career, but you did not mention any of them, you only bitched about how she doesn't just give up reason and ambition and submits to your insecurity)

  • let go of that pride and be a man in the other aspects of your life: be a great father, get in shape, plan out the familly health and vacations(with the excess money), plan for some more sexy time.

[–][deleted] 3 points3 points3 points 11 years ago | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]Modtrpbot[M] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Confirmed: 1 point awarded to /u/asd1100 by TemporaryRP. [History]

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