Wife asks "do you miss having sex with other people"?

[deleted] · 2014-04-09T04:16:34+00:00

I think I just heard "can I have sex with other people?" From her.

[deleted] · 2014-04-09T05:27:10+00:00

"Now that you mention it, yes." nod slowly smiling gently, looking into the horizon "Good idea."

whynotwarp10 · 2014-04-09T03:03:07+00:00

Your wife is either very immature, or you are making her feel extremely insecure.

robesta · 2014-04-09T10:44:15+00:00

She is saying she misses having sex with other people and asking if you feel the same way, imo.

Fucty_Artsy · 2014-04-09T08:57:57+00:00

This could mean two things, dependent on how she was delivering it:

1) She meant it as a loyality test to see if you are faithful to her. This occurs if you are alpha in your relationship and your SMV trumps her SMV. Give her light assurence you won't cheat on her ever as long as you're satisfied with your current relationship. If you fuck this up and deal it as a shit test chances are she's becoming more distant to mitigate her pain in case of a break up.
2) She meant it as a shit test to see if she could ride the cock carousel to find a more alpha guy than you are. Occurs if you're very beta and her SMV trumps yours. Become more alpha in your relationship and slap this shit test down forcefully. Chances are high she's already having an affair and is trying to get your agreement.

kempff · 2014-04-09T03:35:41+00:00

"Sweetie, do you miss having sex with other people?"

"[blank stare] I do now."

masterrod · 2014-04-09T11:27:24+00:00

You should say.. "Yes I miss having sex with the old you who would not ask me questions about fucking other people. "

bassivemalls · 2014-04-09T12:46:48+00:00

I'd have told her no because you have sex with strange women all the time--dozens, hundreds maybe; it's hard to keep count. Standard agree and amplify.

Invalidity · 2014-04-09T14:47:07+00:00

Women have a strong tendency to project their own thoughts onto others when they can't directly express it (ie. because it will likely be received negatively). When she's asking you if you want to have sex with others, she's trying to get you to be comfortable with the idea so that she can have sex with others guilt free. She likely already has guys in mind.

It's a shame you're married to her.

PumpingIron85 · 2014-04-09T13:48:45+00:00

You should have been more direct. Avoiding the question is roughly equivalent to stammering out some bullshit. From the get go you should have just said "Of course". The part about "subduing a large part of your biological drive" is good, but it seems like you phrased it as a sarcastic question. That's not alpha. Being cool, confident, direct, and collected is. Say "Of course I do, I'm a man. In order to be in a monogamous relationship I have to resist doing what my body is telling me to do".

As others have suggested, this is almost definitely her broaching the subject of having an open relationship. Either that or she is just really secure. You got married to a virgin. It's natural for her to wonder if she's missing out on something. Unless you're cool with being cuckolded you better nip this in the bud.

[deleted] · 2014-04-09T16:12:12+00:00

Well, Patrice O'Neal would pull the honest routine.

So instead of playing into the game, you can ask her back "Do you think I miss having sex with other people?"

But that all comes down to frame, and knowing that the whole discussion is fucking pointless.

You should be giving your gut response, saying something like "How fucking dumb are you to ask that stupid question, when you already know the answer?"

Don't play into the "make my wife happy game," you will lose. if she sees you as a loser, you've lost. If she sees you as a guy who doesn't take shit from people (like this particular question is), then she'll actually have some god damn respect for you.

welly321 · 2014-04-09T11:10:55+00:00

How should I have handled this?

"If you're asking that question you've already cheated on me." Then leave (at least for the night).

She may not have actually cheated on you yet, but the important point here is that you're both testing her response, and teaching her a consequence. She has to be taught that you are capable of seeing attempts at deception and will respond to infidelity with a thermonuclear retaliation. The goal quite literally IS to make her weepy and scared.

FloranHunter · 2014-04-09T04:43:42+00:00

Perhaps you could have handled that without attacking her. She wants to discuss something, and it would probably do you good to hear it even if you aren't going to agree to it.

sir_wankalot_here · 2014-04-10T03:20:45+00:00

Sorry I can't relate. My wife usually asks me if I enjoyed fucking our new fuck toy :-)

Title	Wife asks "do you miss having sex with other people"?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	16
Comments	43
Date	April 9, 2014 2:58 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/22kqq9/wife_asks_do_you_miss_having_sex_with_other_people/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/wife-asks-do-you-miss-having-sex-with-other-people.195761 https://theredarchive.com/post/195761

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