NYT article by therapist admits role of appearance in attracting a mate: lambasting ensues. I agree with the author; it's absurd that his attempts to address his patient's love life through her dowdy appearance are derided as being sexist. Thoughts?

SouthernPetite · 2015-06-23T18:25:25+00:00

Lol! "A woman dresses for herself." Well she can please herself then because no one else will want to.

I will never understand the childish obliviousness people will play in regards to the realities of physical attraction. I bet these are the same women who harshly judge men for their appearance, and control what their SO's wear... maybe throw out his favorite shirts, etc.

freebumblebee · 2015-06-23T18:53:44+00:00

I feel bad for her. She was obviously raised her whole life being told looks don't matter and that a real man will love her for who she is, whilst simultaneously being informed that the only thing men want is sex and that if she dresses a certain way men will only want sex out of her, not a relationship. It's messed up. It's just like all the men over on TRP figuring out that pretending to be someone's friend and being nice to someone won't make her want to fuck him. I feel bad for them too. Attraction is so important, from both sides of the fence.

I'm not disgusted by people like her. I don't hate them. I don't look at them with derision. I pity them. I feel awful for them. Everyone got the same general message, but only some of us were able to take the true bits and add in our own experiences. I can't imagine having to go through life never getting that family or husband you desire. It sounds horribly sad and disappointing.

lisfb · 2015-06-23T20:55:46+00:00

He obviously cares about her and her overall wellbeing; he had spent over ten years listening to her life stories, working with her and seeing her improve and grow. I’d like to think after a decade together of steadfast biweekly appointments - and then some when she moved back and opted to start visiting his office again - he knew Greta (her temperament, personality what she wanted in life) and he wasn’t making commentary to hurt her feelings or just for the hell of it.

He saw she was struggling, he thought that perhaps how she presented herself was a problem, and wanted to make sure, covering all bases/on the off chance she didn’t know, that maybe her aesthetic/the vibe she gave off was a possible deterrent (it was his office mate, a neutral third party who didn’t know her at all, who saw her and made the comment, describing her as dowdy).

I understand why Greta was immediately defensive (“my friends say I look great!” etc) and I get why the comment section took him to task over it…but I feel this is the sort of thing that leaves people trying to protect someone’s feelings to that person’s own detriment. I feel this is why people opt to tell little white lies to people they care about (or, depending on the situation, people they don’t care about) because, hey, don’t kill the messenger. People, understandably, don’t want to feel bad for making others feel bad/uncomfortable and it’s easier (in the moment, anyway) to be merciful and keep untoward opinions to one’s self.

Pink_acetaminophen · 2015-06-24T03:20:59+00:00

Pfft "circle of friends","New circle of friends". If your so called friends watch you be alone and miserable from being frumpy and ugly but don't tell you you're ugly to your face then they're not friends.

NJP_M1CK3Y-0F-M0U53 · 2015-06-24T09:01:30+00:00

What I took from the article is that, looks do in fact matter. Society teaches us that if you have a great personality, you can get a great husband/wife! But that's false, aesthetics are hard wired into the primitive parts of our minds to desire better looking men and women than the less built, "Nicer" gals and guys.

untouchedURL · 2015-06-23T16:26:08+00:00

Here is a non-mobile link: http://nytimes.com/blogs/opinionator/2015/06/12/the-dowdy-patient/?_r=0&referrer=

^Sourcecode ^| ^Feedback?

Evileddie13 · 2015-06-25T04:35:36+00:00

Damn, that's a sad story.

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