I’m a guy who like conceptual frameworks. MRP works, but as I said in a prior post, I had become resigned to accepting that it’s a empirical/heuristic system, of techniques that don’t really hang together in a coherent theoretical framework. Just a collection of things that “work.”

But after reading a PUA by Tyler’s called Blueprint, I think there is an underlying theme that can tie everything together.

Women always say the number one thing they look for in a guy is confidence. What the fuck is confidence, you ask? Yeah, I never understood what that meant. Or to be more accurate, I misunderstood it. I would look at guys who girls said were confident and all I saw were jerks.

I would think, “hell, I’m confident. I have a good job, I have a good education, I am comfortable with myself. What women actually say when they say confidence is arrogance.”

After I read TRP, I was thinking “what women say they want and what they actually want are different.”

Now, that is a true statement but in the case of confidence, what they’re saying is just misleading, not wrong.

When women say they want confidence, what they mean is they want a guy who is confident that they deserve the girl. A guy who is confident that his SMV is higher than the girl’s. A guy whose frame is stronger than the girl’s. They don’t mean a guy who’s confident in his job, who’s confident in his video game skills, who’s confident with his friends. The only confidence they care about is how confident he is with her.

Or to put it another way, they don’t want someone who is needy, who is overwhelmed by the girl, who puts the girl on a pedestal, who wants to “woo” the girl, who think he needs to buy expensive presents in order to “win” the girl. (pedestalizing… thinks his wife is a 9… covert contracts… sound familiar?)

What she want is a guy who thinks “does this girl deserve me?” and “is this girl good enough for me?” and “what will this girl do in order to woo me?”

She doesn’t want someone who thinks he’s better than everyone else. That is arrogance. She just wants someone who thinks he’s better than her when it comes to the sexual marketplace.

Or to be more specific by what I mean by “want,” she is attracted to someone who’s like that. She may not like the guy. She may not actually “want” him in a logical sense. But she is turned on by that. It’s an evolutionary reaction beyond her control.

This is because women are evolutionarily programmed to mate with the highest quality male possible. And the best predictor of highest quality, other than social proof, are the subtle signals that the man gives with regard to what he himself thinks he’s worth. Who’s a better judge of the guy than the guy himself?

So if guy believes he’s punching above his weight class with the girl and he signals that, then it’s an instant turnoff. If he thinks he’s dumpster diving and he signals that, then it’s an instant turnon.

We say on MRP that your SMV is what your wife thinks it is. That’s true. But what she thinks it is is based on the signals you’re sending to her about what you think your relative SMV is. Do you snap to attention when she says something, either good or bad? Are you leaning into her when you talk? Are you watching her face like a hawk to see if she approves of something you said or did instead of not caring (if you’re doing this right, this is what it looks like: your buddy sees that you shaved your beard and asks you, “what does your wife think?” The right answer is, “She hates it but who cares?” The best answer is “Why would I even know what she thinks?”)?

These signals are very very subtle. That’s why she will often be unusually receptive after you come home from a good catch and release. That’s why the turning point for a lot of guys on MRP is the day after they decide they’ve had enough and are going to push the eject button, even though they haven’t told her yet. The subtle shift in your demeanor, which neither you nor your wife may be conscious of, triggers her response.

The reason that arrogant guys often get women is that they naturally give the signals that they have high SMV. This is because they believe that they are better than everyone else. Incorrectly high self-confidence -> signals of high SMV -> women

Good looking guys often get women because they naturally give the same signal, because 1) they have inner confidence of knowing they are good looking and 2) they have had success with women before. Good looks -> inner confidence -> women. However, we all know good looking guys who end up with FUW - fat ugly women. I had a friend in college who was tall, athletic, etc.

Neither of these are necessary, though. If you have the inner confidence you can get women. It’s just that if you have neither of these, it’s extraordinarily difficult to build the kind of inner confidence that allows you to go up to women and through the strength of your frame overpower them psychologically.

But it can be done. One cheat is to learn the outer game PUA techniques that disguise your inner non-confidence. The other is to become at peace with yourself. PUA have a saying: “I am enough.” It’s similar to “I am the prize” saying we have here but not quite. They mean that you need to get to a point where you purge yourself of your insecurities. You don’t worry about qualifying yourself to the woman.

Women are women. What works for PUA on women they don’t know should work for us with our wives.

So, many of the things we do here on MRP can be boiled down to this question: “if you knew you were way out of your wife’s league, would you be acting the way you are?” Would you be buying her expensive presents? Would you be running to fetch her water? Would you be butt hurt if she didn’t kiss your booboo when you fell (physically and mentally)? Would you be engaging in choreplay? So the Golden Rule could be Act like you’re way out of her league.

So… am I saying women are attracted to guys who are out of their league? No. They are attracted to guys who think they’re out of the girl’s league. Subtle but important difference. Girls would rather screw guys who are not out of their league but think they are than guys who are actually out of their league but think they’re below her league.

For example, let’s take a guy who’s 6’3”, ripped, CEO of a Fortune 500 company, engaging personality, and maybe even a massive alpha at work. But if he’s placating to his wife, at her beck and call, buying her presents all the time, rearranging his schedule to accommodate her, then her neurons in her reptilian brain responsible for sexual response will undergo what’s known as autophagy. That’s when the cells self destruct by eating themselves.

On the other hand, with a 5’8” out-of-work bum who comes around to paint the stucco who acts self-assured, teases her, and projects all the subtle signals that he’s out of her league, her neurons are going to be firing so fast they become radioactive.

I am not saying physical attractiveness is not important. It is important because it makes everything easier. It is important because it is very hard for most guys to have good inner game without good outer game. It is important because physical attractiveness is the only thing that can trigger sexual aggression in women (as PUA define it, e.g., women approaching you), vs sexual receptiveness, which is really what we’re talking about on MRP, and which make up most of women’s sexuality.

Being ripped will get you halfway there, and it will be much easier. And you need to get thin if you’re overweight—there doesn’t seem to be any successful fat PUA, in the same way there are hardly any fat Fortune 500 CEOs—but there are a lot of not-so-good looking PUA. Obesity seems to an overwhelming single of low SMV. But it won’t get you all the way there. We know that there are guys on here who are ripped and in shape and are yet getting no sex. We tell them to give it time and to raise the dread level. And almost all of the time, that works.

But is it that the wife changes, or is it that during that time, the guy’s inner game strengthens, as he find more success with other women and his psyche catches up to his physique?

So how do you get to the state “I am way out of her league”? You have to believe it. If you try to fake it, and there is even slightest incongruence, she will pick up on it. There are a thousand signs. Like how much effort you put into building rapport (smiling, turning toward her, nodding, etc.) vs how much she puts in, etc. PUA can put up a front for 4 to 7 hours it takes to get laid, but we’re living with these female creatures for a long time.

One way of course is to become a high value guy of course. Lift. Get your life in order. Another good way is to do a lot of catch and release. Meditation. And definitely read Blueprint.

But the best thing? Stop trying to win her over. That simple act alone will get you halfway there. When you try to win her over, you’re doing the opposite of what you should be doing. Stop scoring on your own goal, and realize that where you need to get to is for her to try to win you. Turn around, and realize that you’re supposed to score on the other side of pitch.

So good luck.

Oh, and lift, bro. Not for her. For you.