Book Excerpt: Chapter 8: On Emotion-

I want more generic examples we can use and some critique on the concept and ideas. Thanks ahead of time!

The trick is to do both of these at ALMOST AT THE SAME TIME. That is, make her BOTH feel desired and comfortable AND that you don't need her.

Neg Hits

Once again the Pickup Artists have the answer for us and part of that is the use of those controversial “Negs” that women get apoplectic about (because they work so well on a woman who is too comfortable and needs to be taken down a few pegs). The art of “Negging” is to deliver a backhanded compliment. It is something of a put-down in the guise of a compliment and it evokes conflicting emotions in women that often creates considerable sexual desire.

The trick is to be light hearted and funny but “mean” at the same time. I will give you a few examples of “Neg Hits” that you might use in your marriage but don’t go whining and writing to me if you try any of this and your wife files for divorce. Caveat Emptor!! Once again, as with most of the concepts in this book, the use of Neg Hits requires you to use your own judgment.

A couple of things to avoid with Neg Hits in a marriage are especially sensitive areas and public Negs.

Sore spots are something to avoid when using a Neg. For example, if your wife is sensitive about her weight, then hitting her there is NOT a neg hit. In fact it is probably nothing but cruel (and pointless) manipulation. So squeezing your wife’s belly fat and commenting about how there is so much about her to love, is probably not a good idea. Try not to forget that Negs cannot be passive-aggressive but always must come from a fun loving place, or at least a place of deliberate calculation. Negs should never be delivered in anger because the point of delivering a Neg is to spark the Vaginal tingles, not to make your wife cry or feel bad. If you want to do that you are reading the wrong book.

Public humiliation is also something to avoid with Negs. For example, if your wife is not the sharpest knife in the drawer, then humiliating her in public about her intelligence or even teasing her in front of her friends how she could not figure out something or other is NOT a “Neg Hit.” Again this is cruel and pointless manipulation.

In particular you do NOT want to use Negs in public on topics that are particularly sensitive. If the subject of the Neg is a particularly sensitive sore spot then you really don’t want to humiliate your wife in public about it! That is NOT going to spark the Vaginal Tingles in the least.

Let’s take an example that serves as a warning. My wife is extremely intelligent. She flew through law school and passed the Bar on the first attempt. She has a friend (several in fact) who also went to law school but only barely graduated and never passed the Bar despite sitting for it over and over again. So the general background is that my wife is secure in her intelligence while her friend is not.

Despite my wife being secure, there is little doubt that my IQ, knowledge, and education level exceeds that of my wife (PhD > J.D.). Since this is one of the few areas I am actually superior to my hard working, well organized and hyper-competent, “Proverbs 31” spouse, I have been known to seize the opportunity to remind her who is the smarter, better educated, and more knowledgeable one in the relationship.

Am I an asshole? Why yes I am and fuck you very much.

I simply made a light hearted neg in front of her friends about how she never remembers her order because she is “legally blonde.” As an aside I want to say that is a damn fine Neg that references a (terrible) movie in context, references the fact that my wife is a lawyer so it is really a compliment, and taps into the stereotype of the dumb blonde making it a very backhanded complement. This is really a Neg work of art in my specific case. She flushed ever so slightly and scowled at me. Mission accomplished.

Except the friends husband thought it was a little too funny. He laughed out loud and muttered something incoherent but probably resembled agreement or understanding with what I had said- and his wife exploded. I mean she unloaded on the hapless Beta Boy so hard and for so long and was so loud it was frightening. We tried to intervene but she wouldn’t stop chewing him out and ranting uncontrollably. Eventually the waitress left, promising to come back.

Hopefully this shows how even a subtle neg hit even with a confident woman who likes what you are doing can still cause significant problems. Be aware of what you are doing, who is a party to what you are doing, and why you are doing it. Be aware of the emotional temperature of your wife and anybody else in earshot. Be aware of your goals and intended outcomes. Don’t come out of the box throwing out rude or obnoxious put-downs. The goal is to be cocky and funny, not obnoxious or rude.

So with that example and those warnings in mind, here are some Negs that you might be able to use in your marriage. I recommend you add 4 or 5 negs that are specific to your wife and your relationship to your MAP plan of action.

“That was the best sex I have ever had…with you.”

“You are so beautiful…I hardly noticed your scars.”

“Your eyes are so pretty…without the bags.”

“I love all of you” (said while squeezing a roll of fat- just be ready to block her punch).

"Laying on top of you is like sliding on a warm, gooey pillow."

“MMMM, Yummy. You must not have showered because you taste Tangy like the instant breakfast.”

[One proper Response to a micromanaged Honey Do List] “Yes mommy.”

[Deep inhale, kissing neck] “I love the way you smell. It is the perfect blend of Lavender and Grandma.”

Once again, these and similar ‘backhanded compliments’ should be used very, very sparingly until (or unless) you are able to establish a fun, joking style of interaction with your wife. These are NOT weapons. They are NOT insults. You are NOT trying to hurt your wife with this.

They are private little jokes that you can use to simultaneously show that you care and also that you don’t need her. You are showing her that you are your own man. Again, it is subtle and should never hurt your wife’s feelings. That’s not a “Neg” that is being cruel. Hopefully you get the difference and if you are in any doubt whatsoever, do NOT use Negs at all because there are other ways to make her feel desired- and that you don’t need her- which accomplish the same thing without the dangers that Negs bring....