Wife kind of freaking out, anyone ever dealt with this?

strategos_autokrator · 2015-07-22T14:03:06+00:00

THe problem is you. You took the red pill and then asked her to change. that is a beta puke. You take the redpill and change and that will motivate her to change. The pill is not to change her. Is for you to change.

It takes time to make these changes. 4 weeks of reading and one night of talking is beta. You don't negotiate these changes with her, as you tried. It only makes you more beta in her eyes. YOU change first. She will notice. Actions is the only thing that matters. Talking is just feeding her hamster.

Hamsters take logic and shit more hamster.

Jessie_James · 2015-07-22T14:38:58+00:00

I'm kind of where you are - married, two kids (3 & 1), she's a SAHM.

I'd like to know more about this:

We had a decent discussion about two weeks ago where I explained all of the things that I was not happy with

Such as what? Details needed.

and things that I felt we needed to work on as a couple.

Such as what? Again, details needed.

I held frame the whole time and rejected pretty much every thing she threw at me

Such as what? More details needed.

even when she started crying a couple of times because I don't think she was used to my tone of speech or me not apologizing for everything all the time and just doing whatever she wanted.

It sounds like you went from doormat to asshole, and not in a good way, and not at a good time. The captain doesn't overload the first mate, and then punish the first mate for not being able to handle the load, and it sounds like you overdid it. That's a bad captain. If she is on maternity leave, she will also be more hormonal and exceptionally prone to depression. In my opinion, it was a very poor time for you to start doing "My way or the highway" on her. It shows a complete lack of sense to do that. You have to adjust the level of change (load, responsibility, whatever) to something she can accomplish.

Give us some more details and maybe we can suggest a different course of action. I am not suggesting you back down, but you have to use some common sense here. You can't just flip a marriage upside down in one hour and expect her to love it, especially considering her status with a new baby.

BluepillProfessor · 2015-07-22T13:43:32+00:00

wife on maternity leave. I take care of stuff at home, clean, cook, etc.

What does she do?

I don't want to cause her any undue pain because I do care about her

You're such a nice guy

You have to think of it from her viewpoint. You were a weaksauce betafuck whom she controlled. Now, you're starting to take back the helm, except you can't just take it back after she was driving the ship for so long.

This is why we suggest making improvements without talking to your wife about it. It becomes a more gradual and natural transition. You straight up sat her down and said, No, I want it back. give me the Captain hat, the captain pants, and the helm of this ship.

Of course it's going to confuse her. Hence, following the advice instead of fucking winging it as you go. Now you've got the helm and have no idea where to go and how you should navigate these waters.

Obviously it's too late to go back, so buckle down and prepare to ride out the shitstorms that are heading your way.

She isn't sleeping because of marriage stress? Tell her you guys will work the stress out tonight, naked, and end up totally exhausted so you both get a solid nights sleep.

you're the Oak dude. Leave her parents early if you want to. Don't get kicked out of the vacation. If you do truly want the week to yourself, then own it. tell her you agree and you think a week apart will be a good things to help you both figure shit out.

Tell her about how you're going to be going to the gym, grab a few beers at the bar, get some solid reading in away from the kids. It's a week, you'll see them soon and you hope they have fun. Do not entertain the springloaded response that will follow this.

Oh, you want to go do x, y, and z while I have the kids - blahblahblah it's her call to have you leave, so do it (again, if you want to). Fuck entertaining the bullshit that falls from women's mouths.

Acta, Non Verba

You want to steer this ship and be the leader of your clan? Take care of your family. She shouldn't be crying over you fucking her right, owning your shit, and improving. If she's all fucked up it's either from the transition or you're being a dickhead about it.

We all care about our wives. Taking the Pill isn't a negative, it will bring joy and tranquility to your life as a Masculine Male which will, in turn, increase her quality of life as she has an Alpha dude who owns his shit

itstartstoday123 · 2015-07-22T16:41:24+00:00

I was given some Great advice recently because of my wife's adverse and frankly overly emotional responses to the rapid changes I was implementing. It was a mistake for me to go full alpha. Comparing it to lifting it would be like you going from 135 lbs bench to suddenly thinking that you can do 270 without anyone getting hurt.

Sit down and map out by yourself the changes that you want to make. You do not need to discuss this with her if you are putting enough thought into and preparing for her reactions. Since you are the captain you have to make sure that the changes are realistic at the time frame that you want. For instance. This month I started to go to the gym five days a week. Next month I'm taking over the finances. I did not want to lay a list of things in front of her cause that would appear to be a hostile take over and considering the fact she considers herself the captain you will have to do it over time and she will realize that she does not want to be the captain. As you get better and better at running the ship it will be easier for her to accept the changes because she is seeing by now the stress levels taken from her, and she wants Her captain to make her life easier. Avoid making the initial mistake I made and overloading your wife and causing a shit test tornado to be leveled against you and for her to fight back against things she will accept freely, or with minor brooding, once she sees that you are owning your shit. The goal is not to cause a backlash but to have as smooth transition as possible to new leadership. There will be some backlash, but the reality is that the approach of gradually taking it over allows you time to read, lift, and allow your own mind to make the transition to captain also. Rome was not built in a day and captains are not born at the helm.

Do not make it worse by fucking with your wife's hormones after she had a baby. She needs a strong Man to handle the house not dry Up her milk supply with stress. Right or wrong she felt secure in having another kid with beta husband and changing to full alpha husband just after a baby blows her security and nesting instincts right out of the water. SLOW DOWN is the best advice to date.

NOTE: whoever gave me that advice. Thank you its working just as you predicted. A little brooding with New changes but I laugh them off, comfort when needed and do what I say I am without negotiations.

[deleted] · 2015-07-22T13:40:02+00:00

Did she give you any specifics on what was stressing her out?

From the little you've given us, it sounds like you are failing comfort tests. You might want to ratchet that up a bit.

[deleted] · 2015-07-22T15:04:00+00:00

My gut tells me it's a bad idea. the family should stick together on family visits so this is a shit test in a way.

The other thing is she could use the time with you away to work on her recruitment narrative. That's where women sway others to their side by creating a narrative that leaves out virtually everything she'd done wrong.

LaV-Man · 2015-07-22T14:02:33+00:00

I think I'm a few weeks (maybe a few months) ahead of you in implementing MRP.

I went through something exactly like this. I used to be a really passive guy, not a door mat but I just kind of went with the flow. When I took the reins it was a serious shock to my wife.

I went from a stand answer of "I don't care" to just about any question to not giving her an option fairly quickly.

The thing was (at least as far as I have gathered) she sensed a huge change in our marriage. Not sure yet if it was good or bad it caused her a lot of concern.

My wife was like a bird and our relationship was like her feathers. She was always cleaning and preening her feathers to make them look and function (for her) the best. She was very used to constantly maintaining and checking and working on our relationship.

So she was really stressed out.

The way I handled it may not work for you but here's how I addressed it:

Time, just have to refuse to buy into the stress and she'll realize eventually the relationship is just fine without her constant attention.

Reassurances, (not what you might think) I told my wife when she would stress that I am happy and living my life, she was welcome to 'come along' and as far as her worries about our relationship, either of us could leave at any moment so what's to worry about?

mrpCamper · 2015-07-22T14:04:19+00:00

I'm a bit excited about it.

Yeah, I'd be too. Not sure what the right move is here and a week by myself would be awfully tempting. Listen to some of the more sage advisors here on this one.

0kool74 · 2015-07-23T00:43:15+00:00

" I held frame the whole time and rejected pretty much every thing she threw at me even when she started crying a couple of times because I don't think she was used to my tone of speech or me not apologizing for everything all the time and just doing whatever she wanted."

Here you are making progress. You are no longer being a weak ass beta bitch fuck pussy worthless mother fucker that she can walk all over at her own whim. These passings may come more down the road, or they may not. But, you are headed down the right road with this reaction.

but just this morning she told me that she hasn't been sleeping because of the "stress in our marriage"

There is no stress in the marriage. There is just you no longer being a weak pussy like you have been before.

"I'm trying to become the captain and right the ship as much as I can, but obviously I don't want to cause her any undue pain because I do care about her."

This is where you are fucking up though. She doesn't give one rats ass of a shit about any pain of yours, so you should not concern yourself with any pain the "right" changes in you might cause her. The Allies would not have defeated the Axis of Evil in WWII if they concerned themselves about the pain of the enemy!

[deleted] · 2015-07-23T08:55:23+00:00

Self proclaimed: you aren't dreading, you are talking. Take a step back, this isn't red-pill buddy - this is just telling her your intentions. It's often stated that that change is 90% action, (f)acta non verba.

Do more, talk less. DO MORE, TALK LESS.

Mate, just read through some fucking posts, how many men have you seen make this mistake???

strategos_autokrator · 2015-07-23T13:09:19+00:00

I realize now that your history reveals you talked to your wife following advice from /r/DeadBedrooms. Here, we think very lowly of that sub because their advice doesn't work. So, take this as a lesson that indeed, it doesn't work.

Don't do half MRP half Deadbedrooms. That is the worse. Take the red pill, or just take the blue pill.

cashmunnymillionaire · 2015-07-23T20:54:32+00:00

Acta non Verba bro. Just be redpill and correct behavior when it happens, don't lay it all out at once because it's too much to take in. Evolving into a RP husband takes time.

BluepillProfessor · 2015-07-22T16:26:28+00:00

There are (at least) 2 interpretations of this-

Comfort Test failed or
Dread Game success.

Comfort Test failed interpretation:

just this morning she told me that she hasn't been sleeping because of the "stress in our marriage"

You did a lot more than have an unnecessary conversation with your wife. You violated the central rule of MRP- Actus Non Verba!

Wife: "I can't sleep because of the stress in our marriage."

Proper response: "Aww" (then take her in your arms and hug her like you are leaving to go to war).

This is Amused Mastery and a potent tonic for her fears- the go to response for a comfort test.

Dread Game Success Interpretation: This could also be a wife who suddenly has The Dread and realizes that her husband is not 100% committed to her no matter how badly she acts. This is EXACTLY what you want with a sex denying, domineering, harpy screechtard. HOWEVER, you need to SHOW her how she can get comfort from you.

For this, the solution is to initiate sex hard, fuck her good, and then cuddle with her while whispering sweet nothings into her ear. If denied, remain OI but remove your attention and time, head to the gym etc. She will ultimately realize that the only way she can feel secure is by acting like a wife.

TLDR: Provide emotional support and pass a comfort tests but don't alleviate her legitimate Dread concerns. The path forward is determined by her behavior and you need to SHOW her that is the case and stop talking about your changes.

abdada · 2015-07-22T13:40:24+00:00

Tearing a bandaid off a wound hurts but that's what is needed to let the wound completely heal.

It has only been a few weeks. Of course there will be the appearance of pain as she lets go of her captain role.

fasterpussycatdie · 2015-07-22T13:58:20+00:00

Since then I thought things had improved but just this morning she told me that she hasn't been sleeping because of the "stress in our marriage" and we're supposed to go to her parents for a couple of weeks, she is now telling me to leave a week early and have a week to myself in order to have some down time and we have some time apart. Truly I'm a bit excited about it. But I feel like this is possibly emotional manipulation.

Sounds like she's trying to dread you. Like you're supposed to be in a time out to think about all the bad things you've done. You don't need a day, a week, a month. You are not going back.

Don't let her push you around. You'll go or not go, and leave or not leave if you want.

She claimed she feels like crying all the time now.

You're a rock. She's being a child. She's the oldest teenager in the room remember.

I take care of stuff at home, clean, cook, etc.

Why? What the hell is she doing all day? Stop. What dread level are you on?

[deleted] · 2015-07-22T14:19:25+00:00

fuck that tell her a week away on your own will be awesome! thanks baby! she'll flip out even harder but you hold frame even harder and stick to her guns that she fucked herself over with haha

SexistFlyingPig · 2015-07-22T14:36:15+00:00

Short answer: Yes, every single married man that swallows the pill gets this reaction from his wife. AWALT.

She's been steering the boat for most of the marriage, or maybe it's been a shared responsibility, and now you're stepping up to be the captain the whole time.

It's not easy being the captain. You have to think and plan and predict. You don't get much down time. You have to hold frame constantly, as you've already noticed.

So when she talks about "stress in the marriage", she seems to think that somehow HER stress level has increased. This should not be the case. YOUR stress level has increased because you can't screw around. You have to be the man all the time.

So, shit test #1: Her: "stress in the marriage".
You: "Honey, this isn't stress in the marriage. This is you not having to worry about things you worried about. This is less stress in the marriage, for you."

shit test #2: Her: "You should leave a week early to have some time to yourself." You: "We have a lot of new patterns to develop in our marriage. It would be a bad idea for me to leave a week early. Here's what we're going to do in the week leading up to our leaving together..."

When she's suggesting things, she's being the first mate. If you haven't thought through the consequences of what she's suggested, then absolutely under no circumstances should you accept what she suggests. She can have ideas, and she can voice them. They might be great ideas and absolutely the right way to go, but it's still YOUR decision to make. You cannot abdicate your responsibility in this matter. Decisions are ultimately yours to make. If she feels like she is running the show, then all the stress is back on her.

Title	Wife kind of freaking out, anyone ever dealt with this?
Author	canadianfitguy
Upvotes	1
Comments	23
Date	July 22, 2015 1:30 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3e72cw/wife_kind_of_freaking_out_anyone_ever_dealt_with/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/wife-kind-of-freaking-out-anyone-ever-dealt-with.201387 https://theredarchive.com/post/201387

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