Am I going wrong somewhere

TrainingTheBrain · 2015-04-17T19:27:59+00:00

I need you guys to give me some encouragement to keep going.

We aren't cheerleaders. We are other dudes sharing info on what works, what doesn't, and why.

"I did not know" and walked off. Ok cardinal mistake, I justified myself.

That's not justifying yourself, that's letting her know you weren't aware either. Not everything is worth looking to deep into.

Looked and my wife and said to her you need to take your pills

It might have been better to ask if she had remembered to take them. She's right, she's your wife not your child.

Should I maintain frame as I can't imagine leaving without giving her a kiss goodbye.

As Men, we truly are the more romantic of the sexes.

My advice, don't make this a thing. It seems like you are trying to be something instead of just being it. Have fun with this, it's not anyone's fault your parents showed up, drop the issue and refuse to give in to her hamster on that subject.

You are leaving, don't leave on a shitty note. Go out with her or her and your kid and have some fun. Lead your family out of this cycle of frustration and to the land where everyone is having a good time and you're all operating as a team.

Teamwork makes the dream work.

Countpudyoola · 2015-04-17T20:53:25+00:00

When I started posting FR's last year. It was once a week. It takes a while to digest, and implement. You absorb more the more you work things out yourself. Us cheering your every move or being Cyrano de Bergerac does your absorption a disservice. And since you'll need to train to be proactive, everything we advise on here can only be reactive or after the moment has passed.

Just assume , overall, we are all cheering everyone who comes here on to success. Leave the validation and need for boosting to the ladies. By becoming more Alpha you're supposed to need less of that.

"you should have told me they were coming"

I don't see anything wrong with saying what you said but I'd probably have leaned towards

"THEY should have let me know they were coming." and let her stew on that.

I'm trying to keep frame Should I maintain frame

I think there may be some confusion and oversimplification as to what your frame actually is. Your frame is your worldview. The house you live in. Not whether you're giving her dread or a.m. at any given moment. Those are just parts of your frame in your house grabbed when necessary. Wouldn't you normally kiss your wife goodbye before leaving on a trip? I would. Again don't let her pull your strings and affect your mood even if it's to do things supposedly rp like removing yourself.

Looked and my wife and said to her you need to take your pills (she's on some antibiotics), she just said "I'm not a child". I did'nt retort.

Adults tend to not like being micromanaged. I used to always check to see if my wife locked her car door. Since going mrp and one snippy retort when I told her she left it unlocked I don't anymore. Some teenager in the neighborhood want to steal her mp3 player and yoga mat...that's on her. She want to get sick again? That's on her.

You kiss her, you smile, you leave on a happy note. If she wants to be a sour faced shrew as you fly away that's her making it shitty.

Have fun, use that 7 days of away from her time to read up.

SorcererKing · 2015-04-18T01:45:12+00:00

Biggest issue I see is that her "stern voice" got to you so much. She still has the upper hand in that she controls your emotions. She can make you defensive at will. You're afraid you'll leave town and not get affection from her. I agree she doesn't respect you but right now you don't deserve it. When you achieve outcome independence and learn how to develop and maintain frame, you'll get respect.

Read more, understand more, do better. Did you follow the beginner's guide on the sidebar?

theultmatecad · 2015-04-18T05:35:55+00:00

Can't imagine leaving without a kiss? You have ALOT of work to do.....

whinemoreplease · 2015-04-17T20:11:51+00:00

Your first post was 2 days ago. You've been married 5 years.

Lurk more. Read more.

My post from your other whiny thread, to which you gave some bullshit answer.

You haven't internalized anything and you're already going nuclear. Good choice.

Men make their own choices. They don't pander to a crowd of fellow retards.

Think harder about what you want from your own situation.

You're not special. Your situation isn't special. Your failures aren't special. You're just a lazy fucking tool. Until you figure out how to do anything on your own, nothing's going to help you.

Go right on ahead, whine more, and feel insulted.

[deleted] · 2015-04-18T04:11:38+00:00

Guests gone, she looks at me sternly and raises her voice "you should have told me they were coming". I responded with just "I did not know" and walked off. Ok cardinal mistake, I justified myself.

I'd have probably flipped it around and said:

"Looks like you did a great job, though."

And felt her up.

That said, it actually wouldn't have been out of the question to briefly apologize and then move on. I know that apologies are not popular in TRP, but here is why they are occasionally appropriate. They demonstrate that you are responsible. If you brush stuff off all the time, you're not being responsible. Your wife wants to trust you with being the head of the household and that means you must be responsible when things don't work out. Captains take responsibility.

Looked and my wife and said to her you need to take your pills (she's on some antibiotics), she just said "I'm not a child". I did'nt retort.

Why would you even tell her that? Surely, she's able to do this herself. You're not her carer, right? If you seek to control her every move, you're in for a very bumpy ride that will eventually lead to her total rebellion.

To me it sounds like you're trying too hard. Loosen up and settle in for the long haul.

marxistbacon · 2015-04-17T23:40:48+00:00

Going to agree with everyone else: saying "I did not know" wasn't a bad response - it's simple truth. And you're trying to take responsibility for her when you bug her about antibiotics. You want more separation of your own self from her own self.

Don't spend too much time wondering what's going through her head. Don;t spend too much time getting all misty eyed about the prospect of the goodbye kiss. You can't force her to give you a long loving kiss. You're looking for validation from her that she's still OK with you, still not mad at you. Screw the external validation. Give her a kiss if you want to, and if she's pissed, just accept it and head out to the airport with your head still held high.

ZeeyardSA · 2015-04-20T07:21:53+00:00

Dude this is a work in progress and you get better with it as time goes along. You cant expect to want to achieve results overnight. You need to understand that you are the captain and you need to do what will make you happy. Will you be happy in leaving without the goodbye kiss? No then kiss her..There is no magic pill that will fix the situation that she has gotten used to. It takes time. You cant expect to switch of and change over night. Its a gradual process have the end goal in mind and understand what you need to do differently whenever you fail and you will, more often than you would like.

Title	Am I going wrong somewhere
Author	t-dog1982
Upvotes	1
Comments	11
Date	April 17, 2015 7:14 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/32yepu/am_i_going_wrong_somewhere/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/am-i-going-wrong-somewhere.202115 https://theredarchive.com/post/202115

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