OP - http://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2x00lw/alpha_noob_identifying_the_issues_and_diving_down/

TL:DR: 2 weeks of basic RP (stop Covert Contracts and over-communicating. Start making decisions, lifting, being independent, owning my happiness, etc.) is REALLY paying off. Anyone on the edge, just do it!

So many great things are happening because of MRP! Thank you all. I know this is just the next step, but I feel it's worth sharing for anyone else considering diving in. This is especially helpful for younger relationships that don't have as much negative to overcome.

I was taught to be Mr. Nice Guy. So when I got engaged I turned it on full blast to "Mr. Nice Husband". Add in stress from a new job and I was as meek and needy at home as I could have been. She tried to play along and be a supporting SO, but she resented it. It nearly broke our relationship. Below are the results of seeing my direct issues and tackling them head on.

  • "I've told her that I can be dominant if thats what she wants and she tells me." > Yes, this is Mr. Nice Guy (MNG) to a T. Yes, this is the wrong way to be. I am the Captain of my own life and of my family. She wanted (and now has) a RP leader and she loves it. I don't ask permission. That's a buzz kill. I make the decisions and I act. I ... uh... have learned a LOT about how she likes (LOVE) being dominated. BPers - at your pace, try it. You may awaken a dragon!

  • "I feel the need to talk in depth about every little issue. "Good communication" is my mantra." > More MNG training. I started off BP telling her "I'm going to tell you something. There's nothing to talk about. This isn't a discussion. ..." We're now having maybe 20% of the serious, relationship talks we used to have and life is 2000% better. Talking is not the answer. Understanding and action are the answers.

  • "I try to do things that make her feel loved and turn her on, but still get turned down for sex, then I get mad." > I cannot thank RP enough for teaching me about Cover Contracts. I was doing them constantly. I thought I was being smart by doing all the right things. I had contracts lined up. Now there are none. This is one of the biggest life changers for me. It's a huge stress off her shoulder b/c now she doesn't have to guess what response I'm expecting.

  • "She complains that I pout if I don't get sex." > Oh yeah, I'd pout like a champ. It was disgusting. I stopped that immediately. But, truth be told, I haven't been turned down since starting the RP journey. She loves it and is more turned on than ever. I know that when I do get turned down, I will casually find something else to make me happy and not worry a bit about it.

  • "When I pout she worries about me leaving her." > Haven't had to deal with this test again yet. I'm still learning about Shit Tests and the responses. Just knowing what Shit Tests are is amazingly eye opening.

  • "She wants me to stop being wishy-washy and just address issue with her head on." > 75% improvement. I'm trying to be direct. It's hard to change a lifetime of not wanting to step on toes. This may be the hardest one to conquer.

  • "I apologize way more than she does when we argue, to try to end the confrontation." > Haven't done this once since RP. Will try to not ever do it again. It made me feel weak and beta. I'm prepared to remain stoic and to avoid many arguments entirely.

  • "I give her wonderful praises and gifts. Then am butthurt when she isn't grateful enough." > Covert contracts - no more. I stopped giving little gifts for a bit. She was actually relieved b/c it meant that she didn't have to fain appreciation any more. Did a great little gift for her the other day just because I wanted to. She was thrilled, partially b/c she knew the pressure was off for her to appreciate it my way and b/c she knew there were no strings attached.

  • "I spend most hours with my bride-to-be, because we're supposed to be in love and inseparable." > This is the biggest change in us. We both have separate gym memberships now. This alone is causing us to be separated more than ever. She was really pushing me to do something with my friends on the weekends and I am now. We could instantly feel the difference in our relationship as our together time was cut in half. Now we actually get to miss each other, which makes the together time special again. She's said so several times. She loves the little sting of missing me. Don't join hips!! We're also converting our useless spare bedroom to a Play Room for either of us to go find solitude: my computer, my (new) guitar, her yoga pad, etc.

  • "I've leaned on her as a confidant about my stress with my new job, instead of leaning on my guy friends." > I can truly say she's my best friend and I don't expect that to change. But she will see only 10% of the previous stress that I was sharing. Now I get it out at the gym, chat online and chat with my friends about it. I'm rebuilding friendships which is great and she feels a world of worry lifted off her shoulders. Thanks to you guys, when I do share something it's now more vague and ends with "But I got it handled."

  • "I stopped working out. She's told me she likes a guy with muscle." > This was the first thing I changed. Now belong to two gyms: weights near us and krav maga classes. I forgot how amazing Testosterone is! I can do anything! When I come back from lifting dripping with sweat or from krav with my gloves on and a little bloody... I can see the lust in her eyes across the room. Sure I haven't packed on 20lbs of Dwayne Johnson muscle, but I do look better. Lift!! Plus, she's hitting the gym more now trying to keep up with me. That is increasing her self-image which is allowing her to be more "fun". Side benefit, I walk much straighter and feel better all day long.

  • "She's said several times that she just wants us to go out and "flirt", meaning be playful like we're dating again." > I get it. Some of it is Shit Testing. But most of it is just the need for female drama and fun. I resented it before. Now I love it and look for the opening to give her a zinger back. The girls love the banter.

  • "I stopped making decisions and started asking her about everything, desperately wanting to find what would make her happy." > This may have been the worst of my Mr. Good Husband routine. BPers - stop doing this! Enough with the "What do YOU want?" "What would make YOU happy?" . Instead I say "We're doing this" or "Here's the plan" and 90% of the time she loves it. I'm happier because I'm actually doing stuff that I want to do instead of 1) issuing covert contracts all the time and 2) asking her what she wants to do 3) pathetically hoping that she'll pick something that I want. She sees me happier and that makes her feel better and more fulfilled as my partner.

She's told me several times "Whatever you're doing, keep doing it!". I turned years of bad BP training around in 2 weeks thanks to your direction. She's jumped me more than ever in our relationship. We're flirting almost constantly and it's amazing. I literally keep asking myself "Are we really this happy??" It feels too good, and that feels amazing.

Next Steps: Finish reading NMMNG. Read MMSLP. Keep sharing RP with friends to establish my pier network. Go from lifting 3x to 6x weekly. Learn more about Shit Tests and the proper responses.

If you see any missteps or have any suggestions for my next actions, let me know!