An interesting discussion popped up in this thread regarding the position of MRP on open and/or polyamorous marriages as a viable solution to marital problems.

I have an open marriage myself, and my views on this subject seem to differ with some of the community. To explain my views, allow me to start off with itemizing my understanding of the core principles of MRP. Feel free to correct me on any point.

  1. MRP is not necessarily "pro-marriage".
  2. However, many of us got married prior to discovering TRP, or are seeking marriage and want to make sure we get it right.
  3. Once married, MRP is strongly in favor of staying married, and does not resort to "nexting" as quickly and ruthlessly as the main TRP sub is.
  4. MRP is focused on helping men achieve increased marital and life satisfaction by utilizing a red pill understanding of the reality of human sexuality and gender relations.
  5. As I've recently been told, MRP is also opposed to plate spinning or any other form of extra-marital sexual relations.

With those premises in place, there are a few instances in which I can see there being conflicts of interest and even contradictions. For example:


The man actually wants an open marriage

One possible scenario:

  • BP beta man gets married under the pretense of his Disneyesque, BP, feminine imperative conditioning
  • Suddenly realizes he's not really happy, isn't having enough sex, realizes he's not really attracted to his wife, and/or feels like he missed out on all the hot sex with other women.
  • Doesn't want to leave his wife for legitimate reasons, i.e., has kids and wants to give them a stable family, gets along great with his wife otherwise, etc.
  • Decides he genuinely just wants to sleep with other women and stay married.

In this scenario, MRP premise #5 would seem to be in conflict with premises #3 and #4. Opening up the marriage would increase his marital satisfaction (albeit, arguably*) without resorting to "nexting" his wife or rushing for a divorce just because he wants strange pussay.

Edit: *I know the position of TRP is often that open/poly relationships are a ploy by women to get lots of strange dick while the guy gets stuck jerking off and frustrating himself on dating sites getting nowhere. But I truly believe that a RP man, upping his SMV, working on his game, etc, can have at least as much success if not more than his wife. The problem with open/poly most of the time is that the guy is just too BP/beta to make it work for him.


One or both partners is a compulsive/perpetual cheater

This could be because of psychological issues (i.e., cluster B personality disorders, etc), significant disparity in libido and sex drive, or even just a personal ethic and world-view regarding monogamy and commitment. MMSL does have a lot of advice on affair busting, but we all know that once that line is crossed, the trust is usually never truly restored, and a history of cheating is a strong predictor of future cheating.

In this case, premise #3 above compels us to work to stay married. And since the fidelity of the relationship has already been broken, the cheated-on partner might simply want to have a chance at their own extra-marital romps and escapades.


In fact, the possibility of countering an affair with an open marriage has even been discussed on the MMSL blog. Athol says:

The spouses capable and willing to try the open marriage route, are probably sexually open enough that it’s already on the table before the cheating in some sort of fashion. “Oh you were banging Tom? Why didn’t you tell me, I told you I wanted to watch if you did someone else.”

This combines the "compulsive cheater" with the "already wanted an open marriage" scenarios. This is basically my case summed up. I had always had a bit of a fantasy about swinging, threesomes, etc, and brought it up several times with my wife. She would sometimes be open to discussing it, but always ended up saying she wouldn't be ok with it. There were even a few times my wife would bring up some similar subjects, only to change her mind later in the discussion. So, we both already had at least some interest in non-monogamy, but neither of us really had the emotional wherewithal to actually make it happen. Until we both caught each other cheating. We basically agreed that monogamy wasn't for us, but neither of us wanted to split up. So, open relationship was the obvious solution.

(I do actually plan on doing an in-depth write-up of my back story one day, but it's really long and complicated and I barely have time to even write this up.)


TL;DR: I just wanted to get my views on the subject of open marriages out to the MRP community to start the discussion. I know I'm not the only one here with an open marriage, but I also know there are a lot of guys here who think open marriages are contrary to the principles of MRP. But I think we're all rational, level-headed men, and I think we can all learn a lot from each other with an open and honest discussion.