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How fast you can get setback

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January 4, 2019
10 upvotes

First real set back since taking the red pill. Too much red pill rage over how fucking pathetic I have been and how long it’s gonna take to fix and victim puked to my wife and was an insecure little bitch. Can’t even believe I did that, like WTF first rule is STFU....and I blew it.

Well that put me back a few weeks if not months. Any pointers after a serious blue pill meltdown moment? Gonna shut the fuck up now......


Post Information
Title How fast you can get setback
Author Mrp-InProgress
Upvotes 10
Comments 29
Date 04 January 2019 07:47 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/203699
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/acfyom/how_fast_you_can_get_setback/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
the red pillthe blue pill
Comments

[–]40mullet16 points17 points  (16 children) | Copy

You didnt blew anything. This is reality. Right now you are the guy who victim pukes to others. And a guy who needs online validation.

Next step is to become a guy who says himself after fuckup "I am not there jet" and moves on.

Just a remainder:

You cannot negotiate desire, respect, following to your leadership.

Every time you do not get those, you know where you stand and what needs to be changed.

[–]Mrp-InProgress[S] 2 points3 points  (15 children) | Copy

too true! I am really struggling with seeking validation everywhere but from myself. I’ve realized that has been a big deal with me and sex. It was constantly for validation and missing the enjoyment of it, more of a challenge completed.

The odd thing to me is that I never felt insecure before red pill and I know that I should feel less insecure now that I have made so much progress from where I was but since I am still looking for validation elsewhere I don’t accept that I’m making progress.

Half the argument with the wife was over her not communicating with me while out with friends and ended up into some serious insecure mate guarding and desire negotiation, both of which I accept are pointless but just didn’t stop myself.

Gonna re-read NMMNG and WISNIFG and see if I can work through this validation issue.

[–]redismyfuture8 points9 points  (7 children) | Copy

It took me about 6 months till I realized that this whole mrp journey I was taking was a giant covert contract with myself to get more validation from friends / the wife / total strangers.

It wasn't until then the paradigm shifted for me.

[–]Unfugwitable0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Can you explain more about this?

[–]Kpwn881 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Do you know what a covert contract is? If not, read NMMNG.

In other words, all your hard work and sacrifice may not be recieved by others the way you wish it would. Don't enter the red pill thinking you will get everyone else on board. Do it for yourself, not because you want others to change.

[–]Unfugwitable0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I’ve read it, and I know what covert contracts are. I was looking for more information on how you had covert contracts with yourself.

[–]Mrp-InProgress[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

My understanding which sounds similar to me is that I am doing this journey with the expectation the my wife will start fucking my the way I want and women will react to me, rather than doing it to make myself better regardless of how the wife reacts.

[–]Kpwn880 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don't.

[–]rocknrollchuck1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This should provide some insight: The "Dancing Monkey" Attraction Improvement Programme.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This shift was massive for me too.

1) you are in this alone 2) frame is everything. Even dread is mostly temporary.

TWOTSM is an excellent book for this

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy

I see a lot of similarities between us... my guess is you are an instant results guy. And measure yourself by where you think you should be versus honest assessment of where you are. This makes you a victim immediately (and me too since I do it). We have to stop doing this and the only way I've found that I'm improving is recognizing that this is a journey, ask myself am I improving each month, and what I can do differently. You need some self-reflection here. I can't stop myself either sometimes... but the frequency of not stopping myself is less than it was a month ago, and is drastically less than the first week after taking the pill. So fuck up, recognize it, move on.

Overall, if you look at yourself now compared to before RP - are you happier? Are you a better person? If the answer is yes, just keep going and know you'll have more set backs. If the answer is no then you're not doing something fundamental.

[–]Mrp-InProgress[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Spot on, the weird thing is right now I don’t feel happier but i know it’s a blinded by the light kinda feeling right now. Definitely struggling with the red pill rage right now, like I know once this journey progresses I will be happier but right now I’m struggling through all my trash, just realize how much I have fucked up and how much I have left to fix but absolutely want it right now.

I have to get past this instant mentality, just as far as physical gains I have 40-50lbs to lose and it seems like a lot and not happening fast enough. but have to realize I’ve already lost 40lbs in 9months and am way happier and getting more compliments and looks now then I ever have. So I’ll focus on the little wins and not the elusive major victories.

On a side not I was browsing through MAP this morning and read that section on how all the little changes will eventually fix the big problem and that’s right were I am right now.

Thanks for the understanding and insight

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Great on the weight loss. 40 lbs in 9 months is very good progress. I still have BF to lose but got my weight down from 265->208 in about 2 years with a lot of fucking around. With the weight loss - think of it this way. If I lose x lbs per week then in a year I'll be x weight. And just know as long as you're hitting your weekly goals, you'll hit your long term goal. Also I remind myself that it took me 18 years to get into this mess and me to instantly fix it is a retarded way of thinking.

[–]Mrp-InProgress[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That last sentence is exactly me!

[–]Kpwn881 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I don’t feel happier

How many real, tangible changes have you made so far? Do you still watch porn? Do you work out 3-4 times per week? What is your diet like? Drug/alcohol use? This shit effects dopamine levels.

If you cut out the vices in your life, you will feel better. As you progress, you will feel accomplished and more in control of your emotions. This shit is key. There is no half asking it. All in!

Don't get me wrong. I shared a couple bottles of wine with my wife over the holidays, but I earned it by working so much overtime I was able to give my family a wonderful Christmas and relax for a couple days. Then, back to work.

The key to success and happiness is finding a mission/goal greater than one's self and focusing on it with laser vision. Figure out what it is you want and don't get sidetracked.

[–]Mrp-InProgress[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Let me start by revising that statement, overall I feel happier just struggling with insecurities that I didn’t have before, I was ignorant before and now I see all my faults.

My changes...

Lower carb 1800 calorie IF

Noporn/no fap for the last month, ( this has been great, realized I was finish fast with wife after this but overall enjoying the sex more)

No drinking but I was never a big drinker

Lifting at least two times a week for the last month, trying to do three or four, plan is to hit a few gym instead of garage weights within two months

But don’t have a clear mission beside becoming a better version of myself and need clear goals for all aspects of my life

[–]jcrptaRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You sound like me five years ago.

This is a marathon, not a sprint. If you haven't already, read MAP (it's on the sidebar and there's no excuse for not reading it; it's a lot cheaper than a divorce) and put together the list of things you're doing wrong. I wouldn't be surprised if there's a great big list of things you're doing wrong.

You are NOT going to resolve all these things overnight. You must learn how to cultivate self-discipline, you must prioritise things and you must recognise that it's okay if you're not Mr. Wonderful overnight.

Note that this isn't an excuse to slack off. You aren't going to improve by sitting on your arse. Instead, I think you should see it as a way to get some perspective.

[–]FoxShitNasty833 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

You just have to get the victim puke out.... All of it. I did most of mine here, went Rambo a few times but great learning opertunities.

Lifting heavy shit when you feel like a victim puke faggot helps 99.9% of the time. Followed closely by shutting the fuck up

[–]Mrp-InProgress[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

I usually do go lift when I feel like I’m losing frame (not that I have much lol) but I had literally just finished my lifts when she got home and the shit started.

And thanks for the advice, I didn’t sleep last night and I think it was from how pissed I was at myself because wasn’t looking at it like a learning opportunity but rather a failure.

I guess it really boils down to realize I acted like that on a daily basis for years so one screw up ain’t gonna kill me.

[–]FoxShitNasty830 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

It's not easy, but it helps if you can move to a not giving a fuck mindset.

[–]Mrp-InProgress[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Im working through that issue right now, I have moral convictions to marriage but I also see the wisdom in the willingness to walk away/spin plates but am giving myself at least two years to improve myself before I consider either option so hard to internalize a dngaf attitude cus I do right now

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Michael Jordan missed a jump shot once. I saw it.

Watch this movie

Laugh a bit. Start again.

I forgot to call you a faggot.

Faggot.

[–]Mrp-InProgress[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

So simplistically true!

[–]ex_addict_broRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Please notice that you victimized yourself over some earlier accidents in your post.

See a pattern?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yeah you fucked up... we all do. Fuck up less. I found the best thing to do here is self-reflection:

1) Why did I act that way?

2) Did it get me what I wanted? (I'm guessing this is going to be no about 100% of the time)

3) What can I do differently next time?

Don't dwell on it, that'll just keep your wheels spinning. I fuck up and do something I immediately regret like once a week still. Usually it's small shit where I know I was creating covert contracts in my head. Usually the victim puke is due to a covert contract... what did you do that you expected her to do in return? Was it you're exercising and doing all these things and she's not giving you any blowjobs? It's all ego. My therapist (yes I have one since my son died, but she's more RP than BP even if she doesn't know it) said it this way - there's a spectrum. On one side is the nice guy, please everyone, do what they want. On the other side is the controlling asshole. Either way it's ego and victim mentality. You want to be in the middle and lead from what you truly want to do.

Also, has she brought it up again, shit tested you for it? If not she probably will so just know that's coming.

[–]Mrp-InProgress[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Bingo on the blowjob....she had been responding to all my initiations well recently, kino and game all day and last minute she stays late at a friends house, which makes complete sense as her friend was visiting from out of town for her baby shower. I get pissed and weirdly insecure cus another one of our mutual friends (a guy) was there and stayed with them, irrational mate guarding and covert contract that I was gonna push for a blowjob...

[–]Mrp-InProgress[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She hasn’t brought it up yet, what kind of shit test should I be looking out for?

[–]Mrp-InProgress[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Too add a little more confusion to the mix...

She sent me unsolicited nudes (which has been a hard no for the last month of me trying) and arranged for her parents to take the baby tonight. So confused right now, just keeping my eyes open for a massive last minute shit test coming...

[–]DancesWithPugs0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like you're still judging yourself which will perpetuate the anxiety. Accept you are not He-Man or another impossible ideal, but you can become more effective anyways. Also be wary of splitting life into two colors, it's more complex than that thankfully.

Be the hero of your own movie, instead of frustrated you aren't being asked to be an acrion hero.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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