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“Are you mad?” “Is something wrong?”

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September 14, 2018
11 upvotes

I think I’m one of those “used to be Alphas” that got beat into submission. One of my kids (a girl) has a lot of emotional problems and that has made us focus on her instead of ourselves. I realize I need to be a man again (for me and for my son) and I’ve been reading everything I can. I’ve adopted a mentality that I will no longer be shaken by things or freeze up from fear. These are things I didn’t do when I was young and I’m sick of being like this. Maybe I don’t understand the STFU approach well enough. I’ve started working out and losing weight and started doing home improvement things on my own without discussing any of this with my wife. (In other words, getting off my ass and being a man again) This is not the problem. The problem is: What do I say or do when she asks me, “What’s wrong?” “Are you mad?” “I was going to say we should go out to lunch but you look like you don’t want to.” etc? Also I think I have resting bitch face. I don’t want her to think I’m mad at her. I’m just trying to do the STFU thing. Maybe I’m approaching it wrong.


Post Information
Title “Are you mad?” “Is something wrong?”
Author BramStroker47
Upvotes 11
Comments 36
Date 14 September 2018 01:29 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204019
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/9fs01q/are_you_mad_is_something_wrong/
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Comments

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why would I be mad? What makes you think something is wrong?

Pressure flip. This worked well for me when my wife assumed I was butthurt after rejection. If you are mad, let her own hamster figure it out.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

Normally I would say who gives a fuck what she thinks. But in this case, take it as constructive criticism. Right now, you’re owning your shit, learning, studying, and implementing, etc... but probably coming across too serious and zoned out.

But let’s not forgot about the frame you must be in: I call it “walking through the world with ease”. You don’t react to the world. You are the cause, not the affect. Don’t let the bastards see you sweat. Make it all look easy and no effort -law 38.

Yes, work hard, be a leader, etc. but a red pill man is happy. You have the tools and mindset now to see the matrix and it’s affect on betas. Are you having fun? Teasing her like a girl on the playground. Walk around the house as a King would - with your dick out.

The king is happy and brings the party. Invite her into your world.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret11 points12 points  (4 children) | Copy

I don’t want her to think I’m mad at her. I’m just trying to do the STFU thing.

If you aren't mad at her, you can say so. Sometimes I'm irritated by something, nothing I can do about it, and yet, there's no smile on my face. I'll just say "Yes, I'm mad, nothing to do with you and I don't want to talk about it. I'm trying to let it go."

If you are angry about something, it's a mistake to think you can hide it fully from a woman. They are plugged into this shit. So acknowledge and diffuse.

On the plus side, it's generally a good sign that she gives a shit that you are angry.

[–]BramStroker47[S] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Thank you. I’m not mad at her so I didn’t want her to think that. I thought that might be a good sign too.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, I do this with my employees too. Sometimes I'm off my game and I don't want to compound the issue by people acting weird because they think I'm pissed at them. Got enough issues.

[–]juliusstreicher0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you're not angry, it isn't BP to let her know you're not.p

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I use this Aswell. "Its my own personal bullshit, it has nothing to do with you."

It only works though if you have a life outside of your marriage.

[–]tempered_man7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, when I am done doing x, I want to go to x place. Grab me a drink, Ill be in the x room.

Why? You want angry sex? I’m down. Let’s do this.

Your frame. Not hers.

Edit: spelling.

[–]2ndalRed Beret13 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy

"What's wrong?" is a classic shit test. My wife does this constantly, because I get lost in my thoughts and do a shit job projecting positive body language.

Here's the thing. Your body says more than your words do. The simple answer is you're letting your body language take control of the message you're putting out every day. So you need to work on projecting a different message with both your body and what you say. The latter is pretty easy, the former not so much.

I suggest reading What Everybody is Saying to better understand "nonverbal intelligence," how to read people, and how to project with your body language differently. Until you're putting out a different story with your body language, your wife is going to continue to latch on to your stoic/resting bitch face and use it as a shit test to prove that you're butthurt just because you don't have a quick response to her demands for an answer as to what's wrong.

But you still need to pass those shit tests. The worst thing you can do is say nothin' and get upset that she is asking you the question, which is how I used to handle it.

My most common way of passing them are the classic AM or AA. If she catches me off guard, I will usually make up a humorously over-the-top thing to be upset about. What's wrong? Well, I didn't want to ruin the surprise but I bought you a pet hamster for your birthday [in six months] and figured it would survive in the closet until the big day but turns out it didn't. Have you noticed the smell? You have an imagination of your own, so use it in these scenarios to draw attention away from the interrogation and into some fanciful, distracting anecdote. And when she responds with Come on, seriously! like you know she will, just keep building on the story to make it even more ridiculous as you inch yourself closer to her to plant a kiss and grab her ass before exiting.

Edit: also the "what's wrong?" situation is so common there's a popular meme surrounding it. The joke is that women's hamsters run wild thinking something is wrong when you're off in your own head thinking about god knows what.

[–]BramStroker47[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wow. That is a good answer. Thank you!

[–]hystericalbonding6 points7 points  (9 children) | Copy

The anger phase is pushing you toward the wrong meaning of the word, "dread." She shouldn't dread interacting with you - she should dread the thought of losing you to other women, death, or your other interests. This undoubtedly applies to your interactions with other people as well.

Mayor game is one way to avoid becoming enervating.

/u/2ndal alluded to body language. Facial expression and body language influence your attitude, and your attitude influences body language. You can attack it from either angle. Pick one strategy each week. For example, for the next week, focus on open posture when you're interacting with your wife and kids.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (8 children) | Copy

Holy Shit, I just realized my wife is enervating to me. I get out to run or the gym, or hobbies, or house/car work and I get more energy.

I listen to her work stories, complaints, successes, struggles. I take it in like a starry night. Offer advice only when I have something worthwhile. But goddamn it, it's so boring. She can be funny, but she is so focused on work, she spends little time doing anything else.

If we are together and I'm not engaged with work, reading, or exercising, I'm falling asleep.

Fuck.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret8 points9 points  (5 children) | Copy

Your job to lead her to something better. She's filling the void with whatever she thinks you approve of her doing.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

I'm assimilating this more and more. I've always been driven to lead myself, but being BP for years told me to let her be... Obviously that doesn't work.

I don't have time or patience to spend much time doing non constructive things with her like video games. Neither of us play anymore. But we have started playing some card games like Timeline and Flux which are intelligent and thought provoking.

Unfortunately, she doesn't really go for a lot of things I enjoy like surfing, SUP, jet skiing, biking, lifting, or my hobbies.

Since taking the pill, we don't have as much in common as we used to.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

Since taking the pill, we don't have as much in common as we used to I realize we don't have as much in common as I thought when I was a simp.

More like that, I suspect.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Definitely some truth to that. On our first date, I had her in the ocean on a board. She went out with me one other time, that's it. She fooled me into thinking she would be my boardsport partner.

Since then, it's been like pulling teeth to get her to do anything I like: beach trip, SUP exploring, driving the ski so I can wakeskate, which was the only thing I told her I wanted to do last Father's day - didn't happen. I went by myself.

She's into work, reading, friends, and Facebook. She is one of those people who only gets into hobbies for 30-60 days. We hoard supplies for forgotten hobbies, sports, activities, and art. I'm the total opposite.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

This one was just mentioned not too long ago. You must have missed it.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's a good one, thanks.

I always was secure and happy to do things myself, since the friends I had were fucking losers that either had no interest or no money to pursue things I did like surfing, paintball, hiking...

Honesty, I should have ditched those losers years ago.

So, I'm good to do things on my own, but truthfully I need some good, male friends. And my wife seriously needs to find something to do besides work and bitch at the kids.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Why did you marry this boring person? Don't forget. There are no bad dogs.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She wasn't that boring, before we had known each other a while, and had kids, and she got started on her career.

Just like I wasn't so boring, until I turned full beta and stopped caring about, well, much of anything.

At least I am changing for the better. Better for me, anyway. She's laster focused on her career and I'm bored with her, I just want to go surf, honestly, and maybe pick up some groupie chicks.

She's headstrong. I'm looking for ways to guide her, but she isn't generally interested in the things I (and the kids) like to do.

[–]Code-Master134 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Just say "nope, just focusing", "Nope, just thinking about...(insert whatever here)", or for the lunch comment, just act like she didn't just give you a slight backhand and answer with "I'd love to go to lunch, smile, and (kiss her, smack her ass, or whatever you like). She'll adjust, she's just uncertain of your new habits, she just needs reassurance that you're ok, which means her & the kids are ok.

[–]BramStroker47[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thank you for this.

[–]Code-Master132 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ya man, no problem. It'll take some practice. Drastic changes are usually caused by unfortunate events in life. So it's not surprising that she's unsure of you're new routine. Just keep things light, don't take it personally.

Depending on your personality, you can also respond with some lighter reactions that deflect the original question.

Like (smile) "I'm great, but I could always be better", then give her the up & down look like you're undressing her with your eyes.

(smile) "I'm great, but I'm better now that you're here" twirl your finger as if you indicate you want her to twirl around. Smack her ass as she turns around. Grab her from behind and pull her into you, then kiss her neck.

There are a number of references that you can use to turn it into a sexual situation. Plus with the slight tension that she's feeling with the new you, if you swing it right you can really get her motor running.

If she rejects you're advances (like mine did at first), just smile and laugh, and say something to the effect of "Can you really blame me for wanting you?" if you're not bothered, then she'll come around.

You can always choose a non-sexual route and go with "Actually, I could use a drink of (whatever it is you like to drink, beer, water, soda, etc.)"

I just like to pump the sexual tension up when I can. Makes sex more fun later, or in that moment if it's an opportune moment. (ie: kids aren't around.)

Edit: Whatever you do, make sure you're confident. You're the leader. Tweak any suggestions you get from anyone to fit who you are. I'm a bit of a clown/jokster, that's my style. I'm serious when I need to be, obviously. You do you man, but make sure you lead, and handle it with the mindset that she's just checking in with the captain so she can feel reassured that the ship isn't in danger.

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thats her problem. She senses something, doesnt know what, and wants you to be the bad guy.

Start being fun.

[–]friendandadvisor1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"OOOOOOHHH! I'm so angry I could spit blood!" Then, immediately, follow up with a "No, just joking!"

That usually breaks the tension, and confuses them enough to get back to whatever dumb thought they were thinking.

[–]470_2_700_nm1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

What are your lift numbers? 5x5

Next: when she asks what is wrong, it means she sees something different in you and exploring that. You’re non verbal cues are yelling.

Try pulling your dick out and saying I’m not sad but my dick is. Here... look. I need you to fix my dicks feelings. Start by (instruct her on what you want in that moment).

[–]effyouasshole2 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy

Regardless of whether you're actually mad about something, reply with "No, why?" and continue doing what you're doing. If she keeps asking, assure her that everything is fine.

[–]2ndalRed Beret10 points11 points  (4 children) | Copy

This rarely works. Women are smart, especially when it comes to reading body language. Way better than men in my opinion.

99% of the time your response of "no, why" will continue to negatively compound the signals you were sending to cause her to ask the question in the first place. She'll keep piling on, demanding an answer and if you don't give her one she acts like it's some breach of relationship ethics. You never tell me anything! blah blah blah. And if you walk away you can be damn sure she knows something is wrong now.

You have to distract. Throw something shiny out there to catch her off guard and bring her back into your frame. See my other response.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

deleted What is this?

[–]BramStroker47[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I understand distraction with my kids. I usually go with something absurd to get them laughing and it works a lot. Not exactly clear on how to do this with my wife.

[–]RedPillCoach3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

The exact same. I have taken my lawyer wife by the hand when she is upset and shown her a shiny object in the next room. She thought it was very pretty and laughed. The key is that you DNGAF about her reaction. You are just having fun. What's the problem? Do you know?

Hint: It has to do with you actually giving a shit about her reaction. You cannot laugh and maintain the humor if you get drawn into her objections.

What if she complains: "I am not a child."

The answer is always Amused Mastery:

-We are all children of God, dear.

-You are my baby sweetheart.

-You are my little girl and don't talk back to me.

etc.

[–]effyouasshole0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I happen to have a great poker face (and matching body language), so the "No, why" works perfectly for me.

I'll agree that it doesn't work if you don't have a high degree of control over facial expressions and tone. Your method works a lot better in that case.

[–]BramStroker47[S] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

Ok. That’s what I did. Thank you.

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Skip the why.

"No" is more than sufficient.

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I’m just trying to do the STFU thing. Maybe I’m approaching it wrong.

Somebody should do a series of youtube videos on this problem. I would put it on the sidebar!

[–]capn_barnacles0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I get the "You're awfully quiet, is everything okay?" way too often.

Internally: Thank you for pointing out that I'm an autistic f*ck that gets stuck in my head way too often, and not being as fun as I could be.

Externally: I'm mentally preparing for the zombie apocalypse. How big of a bunker do you think we'd need?



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