If shes great in general (and pregnant) but NEEDY where is my line before it becomes codependent?

alphasixfour · 2018-05-03T04:55:02+00:00

Time to be the Oak. Yes it adds stress to your life. Yes it fucking sucks and will wear you out.

Guess what captain? It’s your job.

Pregnancy and postpartum depression hormones are serious shit. Pregnancy is the one time where they get a pass from most dread activities and withdrawing presence (within reason) especially if it is in the form of comfort tests and not shit testing or being generally shitty all together.

This is your opportunity to kick ass on a comfort test. Don’t talk so much like a sniveling beta trying to solve all of her problems.

Women want to vent the emotion, not have you solve everything. You take care of the important shit, be strong and quiet and firm and hold her. Let her feel your muscles around her. You are hitting the gym hard right?

Continue being funny as hell. Make jokes when you can that blow her fears out of proportion and make her laugh through the tears. Agree and amplify to the rediculous level. It’s fun.

My wife just totaled her car Monday. It’s a shitty time financially for it to happen. Guess what? I’m playing it off as no big thing, teasing her that I am going to replace it with a shitty minivan or a tandem bike built for her and our 4 kids. She laughs her way through the emotion and we’ve had sex twice since it happened.

Used to be that shit like that would stress us both out and sex would disappear.

Show her you aren’t worried about those things with some humor and she will follow your lead. Her mood should follow yours not the other way around.

Reassure her yes, but don’t Supplicate. Speak to her quietly and confidently. She needs to know that everything will be ok not because you tell her it will, but because she resides in the shade of a massive oak tree. (You)

And get some fucking sleep. You are going to need it.

myothercarisapickle · 2018-05-03T03:39:07+00:00

Does she have friends of family she can lean on besides you for emotional support? Is she getting regular medical care? Is she able to discuss her stress levels with her doctor and/or a counsellor through her school? Is she aware of support groups for new and expecting mothers? Do YOU have other sources of emotional support?

Being pregnant is a huuuuuuge deal and throws you for a loop. Its very difficult physically and mentally to grow a human and for some women the hormones are very difficult to deal with. But it can be a lot for a partner to handle on their own. And it sounds like you are stressed out too. You both need support from each other as well as others.

Big_Daddy_PDX · 2018-05-03T20:15:00+00:00

Jesus. She’s in her 3rd trimester but you think she’s “needy”?! She’s not letting the squad down, but it sounds like you are. How about getting into action to solve the things that are making her “needy”?

ReddJive · 2018-05-03T12:22:10+00:00

There's a fine line between leading, and enabling. You can't stonewall her concerns. The mere fact that you listen and parrot back her concerns means something to her. You need to be the leader to address real concerns, but also promote an atmosphere of self reliance and strength.

I have to

But you have crossed that line.

1) I have to...because I feel like I have to - you are trying to fix her problems. You feel compelled to. So you are in her frame and she will continue to complain to continue to keep you in her frame.

2) I have to...because she'll lose it otherwise - You enable her. When that kid is born...she is going to have to step up and help out. If you continue to enable her behavior then she will surely have you with the main workload of baby duty because "it's too taxing on me". Don't set a bad precedent.

gameoflibidos · 2018-05-03T13:10:00+00:00

Shes pregnant. Quit whining pussy. She needs your help during this particular process.

thunderbeyond · 2018-05-03T13:29:30+00:00

There are some great answers here already. I can only add to them by saying that as the father you get none of the glory - you have already found out that you are the support crew. Third trimester is a bitch. Newborns are fucking hard work. It is going to be hard.

So...

Look after yourself. Your own health (mental and physical) is paramount.
Look after her. She's going to struggle and its your job to keep bub and mother healthy and in good spirits.

Don't sweat it so much. Hard work but the reward is immense.

RedPillCoach · 2018-05-04T16:02:41+00:00

NEEDY AS HELL. It grinds on me pretty bad.

The smartest teenager in the house needs an Oak Tree? Who knew?

she has a lot going on: job, some small medical stuff, school and of course pregnancy, and she breaks down constantly.

She needs sympathy and support, especially during the 3rd trimester.

I would go with her to the next preggo appointment and tell the doctor about her crying and fears of being a bad mother. Sounds like she needs help. Are you going to be the man and get it for her or are you going to whine online about playing daddy to a mostly broken pregnant woman?

Ive had a history in the past of being way too giving and likely partly codependent, but given this is a LTR and she is growing our baby where does this change things?

It changes things in the direction of you being even more giving, but not codependent which is not "giving." That is "taking."

friendandadvisor · 2018-06-01T00:23:10+00:00

Grow some balls, faggot. Holy shit, she's pregnant, working, small medical stuff...and is TOO NEEDY???? You need to knock this shit off about your past of being 'way too giving', cause you sure as fuck aren't now.

Best thing to do is man up, don't cry about it and make it fun...kind of as if she is going to be the mother of your child soon.

Title	If shes great in general (and pregnant) but NEEDY where is my line before it becomes codependent?
Author	BigKyle23
Upvotes	5
Comments	21
Date	May 3, 2018 3:31 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8gnf11/if_shes_great_in_general_and_pregnant_but_needy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/if-shes-great-in-general-and-pregnant-but-needy.204543 https://theredarchive.com/post/204543

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