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[FR] Five months in - lessons learnt

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March 31, 2018
28 upvotes

I was just reading over my victim puke over on /r/Deadbedrooms, the terrible advice given over there and then comparing me from then, to me from now. The changes are stark so I thought I'd document the learnings in a more comprehensive and consolidated format. If the mods find this objectionable, fair enough.

Me

32 years old, 6'0 tall, 190 lbs. Right now I'm at the end of a bulking cycle but am going to train for a half marathon as I embark on an 8 week cut. I expect I'll get that down to about 180. I've put on a substantial amount of muscle since I started lifting, most prominently in the chest, shoulders and arms.

Lift stats: BP = 205lbs, Squat = 325lbs, DL = 315 lbs, BoR = 170lbs, OHP = 135lbs (I know, I know). Started doing pull ups for the first time, up to 11 with eyes on 25 as my current goal. Bicep curls at 45lbs.

Readings done: Sidebar of MRP/TRP, Book of Pook, NMMMG, TRM, MMSLP, listened to BPPs podcasts, had a lot of really important early conversation with /u/Red-Curious on PM's

Operating at somewhere between DL 5 and 6 (consistently at 5 with spikes of 6)

Initial Situation

In short, I was a fat fuck who thought he was masculine because he had decent cardio but managed to completely neglect his own body aside from that and completely ignore my wife's desires at all. I'd basically had 2 years of near deadbedroom status and was on the verge of just ending it rather than face going back to have to pester my wife for one more night of really unenthusiastic starfish sex.

Today

Ive started a new job that takes me travelling a lot, and will keep doing so for the year. This keeps windows for sex relatively short (2-4 weeks at a time) but I'm consistently having more sex in a week, sometimes a day, than I did in that 2 year period - with the sex being far more enthusiastic and enjoyable for us both.

I have a mission, goals, higher career aspirations, a better relationship with other people in my family and with work colleagues. All thanks to MRP.

Lessons learnt

It's important that I point out that there isnt anything I'm about to write that hasn't been written before on these boards, in the sidebar or in the required readings. What I will be doing is relating these things to my own situation and explaining my own mini-epiphanies along the way.

  1. My wife isn't different or special. She is a normal woman. (MMSLP)

Like most guys on here, the anger phase came at me hard. I'd been lifting before I ever found MRP but after reading /u/Red-Curious guide on what is essentially 'kino for dummies' I was able to get some pretty quick results. I, naively, thought that getting sex would make me happy. The manner of getting it ended up making me angry and almost nauseous. Every day I'd take frustration out on the gym, stewing in the disgust of my new found knowledge. How could my wife be just like some club slut? Is she only with me because I got there first? Is it just a matter of time until her head gets turned by some random gym rat?

Well - its not her fault. AWALT. This wasn't something she did to me, this was something I'd done to myself by putting her on a pedestal. That knowledge is really liberating. I found myself realising that I didn't need to try so hard to try and please her or prove myself to her in some way. All I had to do was be the best version of me and try to have some fun with her.

A residual effect of this is finding other attractive women to be far less intimidating. Flirting with just about anyone comes far more easily to me these days

  1. Lifting is a pre-requisite. It is not, in itself, enough

You know what the call a beta with good muscle mass? A beta.

As soon as I'd achieved some newb gains I started getting the compliments. If you have any gay friends they can usually be relied upon to let you know when you are looking good first - other women soon followed. That didn't really translate to attention from my wife, let alone sex, until I'd made other changes.

Lift for you. Lift because its good for your health and good for your confidence. It is not the silver bullet.

  1. Fixing her feelz is the most important thing (sidebar)

So you've got your muscles, mission, assertiveness and dread. All good right? Not even close.

The hardest part of the process for me (so far) was translating self improvement into the happy, fulfilling sex life that I always wanted. Being a better me opened the door to that but it did not take me through it. I'd always compartmentalised different parts of our relationship and not really paid enough attention to what generated real desire in her. This is why the kino for dummies post got me started so well. A little grope here, a ten second kiss there. I had to learn to make her feel desired all the time before she became truly receptive to having sex with me. I'd never really thought of myself as selfish in the relationship before but I guess I was. Me doing all the choreplay, bringing gifts and flowers etc never really made her feel wanted and I'd never once stopped to work out why.

Once I'd made her feel desired she started to feel free to reciprocate. Now she's kino'ing me all the time, dropping into the bathroom as I shower to give me impromptu oral etc. We are also able to openly communicate about our needs and desires (which I think I must have glossed over because only TFA's create your slut really covered this from what I've read).

  1. I was always far too passive - in everything (NMMMG)

At 32 its embarrassing to admit that you know practically nothing about how anything in society really works. I'd basically gone through life like a feminist, toiling away and expecting that things be handed to me as my just rewards. That isnt true in my marriage, in my career, in my hobbies or in fact any thing at all. Covert contracts are absolute poison. You have to be willing to advocate for yourself, put yourself first and really go after what you want. This I didn't really learn from TRP but from the workplace where some advice on payrises and promotions essentially came down to coldly calculating what you are worth (aka make yourself the prize) and making a strong case to overcome any resistance.

  1. I hadn't done everything wrong

It's tempting to throw everything out when you realise how much of a bitch you are. Don't do it. There is a reason they tell you not to go Rambo like some spergy asscrack of a man. Over time I've realised that what MRP is really about is remedying my deficiencies and enhancing the strengths to increase my value - I'm not making a new person entirely. People have always found me funny. Why would I throw that away? I've always had athletic talent. That doesn't mean I stop cycling or running or playing sports and just spend every day in the Iron Temple. I'm intelligent and respected in my industry. I should combine that with assertiveness to increase my presence and overall worth. The tools and potential I needed were everywhere around me. I just needed the instructions to tell me how to use them.

I was going to do a section on the future but this is too long and that can probably be covered in OYS anyway.

Cheers


Post Information
Title [FR] Five months in - lessons learnt
Author mrp2017
Upvotes 28
Comments 22
Date 31 March 2018 01:52 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204666
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/88iqsu/fr_five_months_in_lessons_learnt/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
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Comments

[–]BobbyPeru3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are in the right track! One of the best FR I’ve seen in a while.

Keep your foot on the pedal.

[–]cleanthes_conscious2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

At 32 its embarrassing to admit that you know practically nothing about how anything in society really works. I'd basically gone through life like a feminist, toiling away and expecting that things be handed to me as my just rewards. That isnt true in my marriage, in my career, in my hobbies or in fact any thing at all.

Solid. You're well ahead of me but I'm realizing the same thing. I've played 2-d chess forever while the winners play in 3-d.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockChief Autist in Charge2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Great job dude. Chad is proud of you.

“I have a mission, goals, higher career aspirations, a better relationship...”

Now, work on a Vision.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

good report.

i am going to take exception at one thing and I am thinking it's the way you wrote it not what you meant.

3) Fixing her feelz is the most important thing (sidebar)

Your text talks more about game. which again is YOUR fault. you haven't gamed her making sure she knows marriage is a first and foremost a sexual relationship for you. otherwise you are giving her all signals it's beta bux situation and she should look for sex and kink elsewhere.

women want sex. they want the reasons for it. they aren't like men.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Cheers. Solid FR.

[–]johneyapocalypse1 point2 points  (9 children) | Copy

Good field report.

How fat were you?

A residual effect of this is finding other attractive women to be far less intimidating. Flirting with just about anyone comes far more easily to me these days.

Confidence slays, bro.

If you have any gay friends they can usually be relied upon to let you know when you are looking good first - other women soon followed.

Gay men are a killer barometer for SMV, though not for weak-willed, homophobic assholes. In a trendy town they will be at the forefront of looks, muscles, style, self-care, and mostly everything preached at MRP, with the exception of that taking-it-up-the-ass thing.

Once I'd made her feel desired Once I stopped being a fat pussy she was capable of desiring me and she started to feel free to reciprocate. FTFY.

You have to be willing to advocate for yourself, put yourself first and really go after what you want.

Amen.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret3 points4 points  (6 children) | Copy

though not for weak-willed, homophobic assholes

I've often found it interesting when paper alphas get so emotional about gays (or pretty much anything else that doesn't affect you). It isn't masculine to be aggressively homophobic. That is operating in somebody else's frame. Why are you so worried? Are you afraid they're going to come find you and touch your pee-pee? Sometimes I suspect a "doth protest too much" situation is going on.

I love gays, particularly when it comes to getting fashion advice. You can't really trust most women for it, since they are going to dress you to match the part they have assigned for you, which may not be the part you are trying to play. At stores if I'm not sure about something ironically I head straight for a queer. They are attracted to men similarly to women but they know you are straight so there is no ulterior motives clouding their judgement.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

They are cool with shaving your back for you to. If your hot.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Totally agree with you here. Apart from the fashion thing - most gay blokes I know dress pretty crap.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Maybe you need to surround yourself with higher quality gays ;)

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Not the typical advice you get on mrp

[–]InChargeManRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You think that's air you're breathing?

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lift, STFU, sidebar and surround yourself with higher quality gays.

The new MRP mantra.

[–]auto-xkcd371 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

taking-it-up-the ass-thing


Bleep-bloop, I'm a bot. This comment was inspired by xkcd#37

[–]mrp2017[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How fat were you?

At my worst I was 35 pounds heavier. I'm lucky to have a big frame but there is no way to disguise that much weight. I was just fat. I lost it in stages though so the start of the process I was only about 5 lbs heavier, just little of it was muscle.

A residual effect of this is finding other attractive women to be far less intimidating. Flirting with just about anyone comes far more easily to me these days.

Confidence slays, bro.

It's a different kind of confidence. With most other things it's a sense of knowing I can do it. With women now it's almost like I just don't care if I fuck up or not.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret-2 points-1 points  (4 children) | Copy

Where is this that people learned to use learnt instead of learned?

Sorry, can't focus on the FR, keep coming back to the title...

[–]TurdDoctor2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

[–]hystericalbonding0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

[–]InChargeManRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

But he gave his stats in imperial...

[–]rebbit_reddit0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Why do you think it’s called Imperial? British Empire. The question is why do Americans use the system that they fought so hard to become independent from



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