Basic info about me:

Captain: Type 2, complaining passenger

Beta: Carrer Beta

Operating Dread Level: level 1, don’t be a pussy.

I am recognizing shit tests, working on resisting the urge to DEER, reading, lifting, STFU, and working on IDGAF.

I would like some ideas and suggestions on how to handle this situation.

Situation: (May contain some victim puke)

Two to three years ago I was the typical nice guy. I did everything I could to make the wife happy including sacrificing my health and happiness, but to no avail. In this period I bought my wife a mattress pillow top after she got in a car wreck. She had whiplash and I, the white knight, would save her from her pain. So, I did everything I could to accommodate her comfort. I quickly found out that this hurt my neck and back. At some points I made some bitchy comments about it, and tried to talk to her about it, but it was there to stay. My wife’s neck supposedly never recovered, or this is what she says. She has a past of feigning injuries and sickness to win arguments or to get her way and refuses to go see a doctor for it. Most people recover from whiplash sooner, but I digress.

Fast forward to this year. The topper is still there. Two weeks ago my neck started hurting from working out, so I stopped being a pussy and folded the pillow top in half and started sleeping on the mattress like I always wanted to. She didn’t mind sleeping on the folded part. Withn the week my neck felt better and a lot of aches and pains disappeared.

Tonight: There is some more backstory here tonight, but I will spare you. Short end of the long, I was shit tested most of the night, after the shit tests, I held my frame through the usual pattern of attempting to draw me into an argument for hysterical bonding purposes. I’m not doing the hysterical bonding cycle. She gets hysterical and I go for a walk. When I return I see that she has unfolded the pillow top and taken up the whole bed. I tell her “I am not sleeping on the pillow top.” She ignores me (the whole thing is a shit test). So I decide to cut it in half and solve the problem. I go get the scissors, come back, and calmly start the procedure. Acta non verba. Wife decides this is no good, and prevents operation by physical obstruction by refusing to move and preventing me from pulling out the foam part of the mattress to cut it in half. She then proceeds to tell me to sleep on the couch saying a lot of words justifing her actions because of things I have done in the past. She’s still attempting to draw me in and is showing every sign that I am not welcome unless I engage.

I’m not sleeping on the pillow top... I’m not loosing my shit either and engaging in the crazy cycle of our past... and I don’t want to sleep on the couch, but I cannot do anything about the bed. I don’t want to appear butthurt. So, in the heat of it, I go sleep on the couch like IDGAF. I remove my prescience and affection in the most dignified way I could think of. But this feels like a loss.

Options: What are my options as I see it?

  1. Go through with cutting the pillow topper in half tomorrow and be considerate of her needs like a good leader without sacrificing my own needs. Deal with her manipulative complaints of “You destroyed my property!”

  2. Remove it entirely. AKA, be a tyrant.

  3. Remove affection (incite a punishment) until it’s resolved and make the couch my new bed. Note, she supposedly hates sleeping alone per her words, but this doesn’t mean shit. She is initially empowered for this act of mutany, but it shouldn’t last long. The downside to this is it looking like it bothers me.

Talking to her won’t do any good.

Any suggestions? Am I missing any other possible actions?

Note: I typed this up on my phone. So it may be shitty.