Holiday Planning

cholomite · 2017-11-20T19:17:57+00:00

Don't make mountains out of molehills just to prove a point. If you have no where else to go, and you and your wife and kids are going to where she said, then she's right, correct? Don't get butthurt because she didn't run it by you.

There's a post on the main TRP by /u/Archwinger about being the social dynamo so she doesn't have to be. Look it up and read it. Maybe as you continue improving your wife will actually respect you enough to feel the need to run things by you.

rocknrollchuck · 2017-11-20T19:17:31+00:00

"Yes, [~~the kid~~ my husband] and I will be there Thursday."

FTFY

So what are you saying? That she's planning your family holiday without your input?

matrixtospartanatLV · 2017-11-20T23:30:33+00:00

Is she planning to go without you?

mrpthrowa · 2017-11-20T19:19:20+00:00

ok, so first, work on knowing how to give internet strangers enough context in your post.

Second, I assume you think she planned the holiday with your kid somewhere on Thursday without telling you?

Well, she is telling you now.

Did you plan anything?

Sounds like you don't even know what to do, so in the absence of some leadership, she stepped up.

crimson_chris · 2017-11-20T19:34:44+00:00

It's Monday of Thanksgiving, how do you not have plans? In the absence of leadership, your wife will take over.

My wife really misses her family. I planned our summer vacation around seeing her family in the Southeast. I also planned our Thanksgiving vacation around her family in the Northeast.

Key words are "I planned" and "around". I initiated, planned and led both vacations. I also made sure there was other shit I wanted to do (other than seeing her family, who I do like) while on vacation.

So, plan. Pretty simple. Stop being a bitch and put in the work. Read the sidebar.

screechhater · 2017-11-20T20:09:54+00:00

Can't bitch if she is making the planning for you guys and you have no where to go

Stop stumbling around in life and take some control and initiative

BobbyPeru · 2017-11-20T21:31:23+00:00

I don’t have any family in our state, and my wife has a ton of family here. She loves throwing parties. All I ask is she tells me dates/times in advance. Let her do that - she can handle it as first mate.

turn12 · 2017-11-21T04:40:30+00:00

Wow. For a first post here, this is great stuff. Thanks. I am looking forward to participating here as I learn.

Yes, she has planned this without my input and is planning on going without me. She has not told me and she is not aware that I know. She thought I was outside. She was having her weekly chat with her Dad when he must have extended an invite. She accepted on the spot for her and our kid. She will tell me 20 minutes before they leave, invite me to come if I want, then leave. She will claim she told me and I forgot.

This has been happening a lot. I get home from work and hear about some event that know nothing about, like "we're going to dinner for the school thing, we're going to Jenny's party, whatever." This is just the first time I have caught the whole act and understand fully what she is doing.

This is not how I think a married spouse handles an invitation. It is "thanks, my husband and I are finalizing plans. I will let him know and get back to you." Am I wrong on this?

You're all correct, I don't know what to do.

2ndal · 2017-11-21T12:37:11+00:00

My wife is generally very respectful but when she's talking with other people she almost always says "my house, my kids" etc. even when I am standing right there and clearly it is our house and our kids. I used to get butthurt about this and pull her aside later in the day and ask her to stop doing that, which of course never worked -- because really she doesn't mean any disrespect, she's just self-centered and thinks the world revolves around her most of the time. Now I play right into it and make some joke that calls out her self-centeredness in a cocky way that she gets embarrassed about. It ends up having the same affect as the "talk" but entirely in my frame instead of hers while keeping it lighthearted.

She also is fucking horrible about introducing me to other people. I used to respect the social norm and stand around awkwardly like a statue waiting for her to introduce me to the group, which she never did, until I finally realized -- fuck the social norm -- it was my goddamn responsibility. Now I bounce right into the conversation by confidently introducing myself.

turn12 · 2017-11-22T18:50:05+00:00

Okay, maybe I am miscommunicating. My wife did not plan for us because I am not. She decided what she is doing. Period, full stop. Nothing I plan will change it. She doesn't care.

I can plan the best holiday ever. It will not matter. She is going to her Dad's

I can plan dinner and movie at the park night. She will be in her pajamas eating Taco Bell and watching Wendy Williams when I get home.

I can invite our friends and family over for a cookout and watch the game. She leaves to go shop.

It doesn't matter what I plan. She ejects. Our friends are starting to drop because of this. Now, a holiday where she is only self concerned.

Holiday Planning

Comments

What is the point of running anything by you if your schedule isn't already packed with interesting things?

Title	Holiday Planning
Author	turn12
Upvotes	1
Comments	15
Date	November 20, 2017 7:06 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/7eb8wy/holiday_planning/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/holiday-planning.205148 https://theredarchive.com/post/205148