Wife addicted to weaponized sex; impending divorce

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November 6, 2017
13 upvotes

TL;DR: wife has issues, can't stop herself from weaponizing sex even past DL 10, going to have to end this shitshow in 3 weeks. Any advice for what to do until then?

20+ years relationship, 2 kids, read all the sidebar plus extra stuff, lifting, shit tests are effortless now etc.

I've been implementing MRP stuff for 2 years. Great results. Came from DB, sex is now 2-3 / week and much better, when things are okay. But this is mixed with regular episodes of hardcore ice queening, indignation overdose, cold wars and weaponized sex.

The thing is that we've been playing this "look how you made me feel" passive aggressive ice queen routine for years. She suffers from low self esteem and her way of dealing with conflict is that she cranks up her self-victimization to 11. She can go full ice queen for days, even weeks.

This comment by /u/jacktenofhearts is an eerily close description of this shitty dynamic.

It's a childhood thing, and I'm guilty of reinforcing this behavior for almost 2 decades. But it's been 2 years since I stopped doing that, she's been on therapy for the same time and she's still doing the same shit.

The pattern is this:

  • Things go well.
  • Something makes her feel bad. It can be anything from saying sth, not saying sth, NGAF, taking her on a surprise trip abroad (!!!) etc.
  • She goes full ice queen, complete with silent treatment, crying, laughing at me when I initiate with lines like "you didn't think you'd get sex after this, did you"? Past 2 years, I deal with this with NGAF and she always blinked first, I haven't apologized for anything. Kept myself busy.

Almost from the RP get go she understood that if she keeps withholding sex, the marriage is over. She said this out loud and I neither confirmed, nor denied in words, but she knows. She can't resist weaponizing sex anyhow. Last time after "Cold War VI (?)" and 10 rejections in a row I went to the lawyer and in fact gave her the fuck me or fuck you speech complete with paperwork. (To my wife, not to the lawyer.)

Right after that, sex was back for a couple of days, but now ironically (?) the divorce talk became her source of indignation ("how could you talk to lawyers, that's not what normal people do! I thought you were trying to fix this!").

I've head enough of this bullshit. There was plenty of progress, the post MRP part of my marriage was the best and honestly only worthwhile married time together. Lots of fun and adventures, decent amount of sex. Except for her ice queen episodes which she can't stop doing.

It's literally like a fucking addiction. I'm not even sure if it's fixable and how many years of therapy would that take.

Few days ago she took sex off the table again, asked for "more time to think" because she's "having her doubts about the relationship". Wants to wait until her upcoming appointment with her therapist and I said sure. (Yeah, yeah, you'll say she's preparing a branch swing. Whatever. I'll high five Chad for ending this for me if this is the case.) I still do like her a lot, she's otherwise a decent woman, but her issues have been cock blocking me for too long and show no signs of retreat after 2 years of therapy and MRP.

This nominal deadline is in 3 weeks. The question is what should my approach be during this time. Is there any magical last minute thing I can try?

Past this agreement, I've been friendly to her, still joking, teasing, but held off of on initiation for a few days. She's not hostile by far -- in fact, I think she's enjoying it -- but still sleeps in a separate bedroom.

I'm pissed at myself for wasting so much time, but honestly I'm also thankful because if I needed this dumpster fire of a marriage to find and implement MRP and I wouldn't be ready for what comes after divorce.

p.s.: it occurred to me that she wants me to kill the puppy, but she could have just signed when I gave her the papers before.


Post Information
Title Wife addicted to weaponized sex; impending divorce
Author herp_a_merp
Upvotes 13
Comments 59
Date 06 November 2017 03:51 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/205198
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/7b5z3c/wife_addicted_to_weaponized_sex_impending_divorce/
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Comments

[–]WesternhagenWinner21 points22 points  (2 children) | Copy

If you threatened divorce; if you said FMoFY; and her behavior doesn't change, and you don't follow through, then you are fucked. She has broken you, and you're back to DL0.

[–]herp_a_merp[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah this is clear.

[–]trp_dude1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

yup. There is no other answer. File.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret18 points19 points  (2 children) | Copy

“What to do until then?”

Stop fucking around and finish it.

It’s only just YOUR LIFE you are wasting.

Not every hole you stick your dick into is worth the effort. And this dumpster fire will never go out.

Devote 100% of your energy to your children and your divorce.

Your little game playing special snowflake is going to become Lucifer’s personal cock-sucking whore in hell, swallow his fiery cum and spew it all over you in court to burn your shit down. They always fucking do.

Your life right now looks and smells like shit because your head is up somebody’s ass, I’m just not sure who.

You’ve done 99% of the work.

Fucking finish it and MOVE ON.

[–]JudgeDoom696 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Not every hole you stick your dick into is worth the effort. And this dumpster fire will never go out. Your little game playing special snowflake is going to become Lucifer’s personal cock-sucking whore in hell, swallow his fiery cum and spew it all over you in court to burn your shit down. They always fucking do. Your life right now looks and smells like shit because your head is up somebody’s ass

I think that is the most awesome thing I've ever read

[–]tacoduck_3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

"Devote 100% of your energy to your children and your divorce." I would devote my time to work, friends, gym, kids and hobbies. For gods sake... be interesting. Have shit to do.
OP- Sounds like your wife is hitting you with a comfort/ shit test. Kiss her on the forehead and roll on down the road with your plan.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

2 years.

Not going to lie, glad this isn't the same theme as usual.

Like everyone always says. Defer the big decisions for the high value man. If you're not bullshitting yourself, you're now that man.

Got the bitching out of your system? Best time for next steps...

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sometimes you just need to put that puppy down.

[–]SgtSilverBack16 points17 points  (1 child) | Copy

YOU: Don't do X thing or we are getting divorced

HER: ok

HER: does x thing

YOU: guys she did x thing again, what should I do

[–]wolvesnsheeps2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is so frequent it's a god damn epidemic around here.

[–]Red-Curious5 points6 points  (11 children) | Copy

Well, you could have that conversation with your lawyer too ... they just wouldn't ethically be allowed to represent you afterward.

Seriously, though, you sound so butthurt it's hard to imagine that passing "tests are effortless now."

You say you like her a lot, but that's only because your sexual frustrations are so blindingly large that you can't even see all the other minutia about her that you can't stand. Even if you could solve that problem, I can all but guarantee you'll see another issue almost immediately afterward. We're all imperfect, broken people. Despite what the feminist agenda says, 49.55% of the population aren't excepted from this rule.

Magical last minute thing? Beyond divine intervention, no. She probably needs at least two years of dialectical behavioral therapy from someone who has experience (and success) treating personality disorders. Last I knew, there were only 3 people in my entire state that met that bill. So, don't get your hopes up. I think the world record for overcoming these types of things is somewhere around 5 years, but some psychologists theorize that it can be done in 2. My guess is that the rinky dink therapist she has now hasn't given her an MMPI-2 yet and isn't treating her for any officially diagnosed issue. More likely than not, she's just dealing with typical stress management, anxiety, and the normal garbage that doesn't actually help her improve; it only helps her cope with the fact that you're satan and she's married to you and it's all your fault but she feels stuck (her therapist's attitude, not mine).

[–]herp_a_merp[S] 0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy

Seriously, though, you sound so butthurt it's hard to imagine that passing "tests are effortless now."

I'm fucking pissed, mostly at myself. I was going to end it after one year 'unless things improve' but there were just enough positive signs (or self delusion on my part) not to kill it then. The divorce would be mostly over by now.

We did have good times in the past year, but the shitty times kept coming back. As I said, it's much like an addiction.

And I have a suspicion that she reaches for weaponized sex because that's her last tool that still works on me.

[–]Red-Curious5 points6 points  (8 children) | Copy

that's her last tool that still works on me

That's the problem, though. RP is about sexual strategy. It's mostly about sexual dynamics in a relationship. RP doesn't revolve around whether or not you have stimulating conversation or fun vacations or enjoy similar hobbies. It's about sex. If she can still use sex to get to you - that's the whole of RP right out the window. None of your other improvements matter. AWALT. The next girl will weaponize sex against you at some point too. It might take 2-3 years before she learns she has that power. But if you don't figure that crap out now, you're in for a sore disappointment in your next relationship too.

[–]herp_a_merp[S] 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

Not sure how to handle this much better.

What happened was that she went ice queen over sth, shut down the sex, I withdrew and got busy. These episodes lasted a few weeks. Sometimes only days. Were more common in the first year. I myself was very much a work in progress and I though this was just part of her adjusting to the changes.

But when the episodes kept coming back even later, I changed from being NGAF / busy to DL 10.

I expect future women to be easier to handle, since they won't be able to hold my kids hostage.

[–]Red-Curious4 points5 points  (6 children) | Copy

she went ice queen over sth, shut down the sex, I withdrew and got busy

When I read this from most guys, I get the image that he tries to initiate, she says no, and he says something fairly innocuous (or nothing at all) and just leaves. Maybe this is you, maybe it's not, but it falls under the other kind of butthurt.

  • Butthurt 1: Aggressive - Guy gets emotionally aggravated at the rejection and picks a fight.

  • Butthurt 2: Passive-Aggressive - Guy represses his emotional aggravation at the rejection and withdraws.

In both cases her actions have sparked an emotional response, which proves to her that she has the ability to control you. She can't control which type of butthurt you'll express, but she knows she can get to you all the same - and that's all that matters for her to keep her power.

The solution is that you literally have to stop caring. It cannot be just an act. At first it will be an act, but fake it til you make it. If you express any emotional response to her rejection she's going to see it as a sign of weakness and keep pushing that button whenever it advantages her to do so.

At the same time, when you punish your wife (whether by being emotionally aggressive or emotionally repressive) when either one of you initiates sex, you're conditioning her to see sexual initiation as a danger zone where she is likely to feel emotional pain of one form or another. So, she'll do what she can to avoid that initiation in the first place in order to stay safe. That's why you probably get the "I'm tired" or "I have a headache" line approximately 5-10 minutes before she heads off to bed - just in time to cut you off from trying something before she walks into the room where sex happens (and shame on you if you let her go on thinking that the bedroom is the only room where sex happens).

The only real way to avoid being butthurt is literally to act like nothing happened and continue offering to let her live alongside your awesome life. She says no? "Cool, another night. Want to drink some wine and do a puzzle then?" I used to be super emotionally repressive against my wife (i.e. passive-aggressive butthurt) when she would deny me or show "duty sex" signs. Result? Even after discovering RP and trying to initiate, at first she would shrivel up into a ball and cry about how I must be so mad at her for saying no. Is that how I want her reacting when I try to have sex with her? No, so I'd respond, "If I were mad at you, would I do this ...?" and then I'd make out with her for 30 seconds, feel her up a bit, then walk away.

Eventually every denial was met with that kind of attitude. I showed her that her denial had no impact on my emotional state. Guess what happened? She stopped trying to manipulate me with denials. When she realized I was happy and fine without getting sex from her and that she couldn't get to me - even with her balled-up feelz (i.e. guilt-tripping me into compliance), she started trying different approaches to getting her way ... but sexual denial reduced significantly as one of those methods.

[–]herp_a_merp[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I was really bad at this early on. I could barely hide my anger even after 3-4 rejections.

I like to tell myself that I got better at this.

But 10 rejections in a row in 3 weeks after so many years of weaponized sex do get to me. I'm sort of pissed at the repeating pattern of multiweek sexual denials at this point. (6 weeks was the longest I think).

[–]Red-Curious4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

6 weeks was the longest I think

Hah! Try 18 months ... then after that reading up on RP and realizing I had to set all of my resentment, frustration and anger aside if I wanted to become attractive again. That was not an easy pill to swallow - probably the hardest of all the RP lessons I had to accept. But it works.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

she started trying different approaches to getting her way

Are you sure she didn't read Laura Doyle? I like those different approaches!

[–]Red-Curious0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Funny timing ... I just bought her The Surrendered Wife a couple days ago. It's not in yet, but she's been asking me what it looks like to be submissive ... complaining that the church says wives should be submissive but gives no practical advice on how to do that. So, I took that to be a pretty solid opportunity. I also told her a lot of people talk about the book and I've never read it, so I want a book report to know what everyone is saying.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is a post I did not long ago on Laura Doyle.

I wouldn't make her verbalize it in the form of a book report! That would destroy..the magic. Read it yourself. It is annoyingly easy and simple minded. It takes a lawyer 2-3 hours to speed through it although I studied it a little closer. Basically she tells the wives, STFU, use your feminine power (which is receptive and cooperative and accepting) instead of your bullying masculine power (which is competitive and penetrating) to manipulate motivate your man by surrendering to his leadership.

[–]Red-Curious0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I wouldn't make her verbalize it in the form of a book report!

Of course, I was just speaking as to my agenda. It was more, "Give it a read and let me know what all the fuss is about." I'll definitely take a read when she's done, though.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

her last tool that still works on me.

What would be her response if that tool no longer worked on you?

[–]Tebulus3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

I think you are setting yourself up as a victim and are a child with dynamite and have been this entire time. This whole situation reeks of being a big covert contract for you to get the sex you think you deserve. Follow everyone's advice and proceed ahead with the divorce preparations. However, I like to point out that any negative behaviors your significant other exhibits are projections of your own behaviors and I think based on your post history you have misdiagnosed your wife and yourself as far as how successful you are with RP. Not trying to talk you off the divorce, but if you do not fix the real problems they will follow you. Obviously your wife is weaponizing sex since thats their currency, but you overplay it significantly here as something wrong with her and not her expression of not being attracted to you and it helps create a narrative where you are the victim of this ice cold wench and there is nothing you can do which from your posts is far from fact. I wish I would have read your previous OYS as you wrote them because I would have made some observations about the same trend I am seeing now with this post.

It also sounds like you treat your wife like the enemy instead of a second.

From 4 months ago:

Otherwise she is weaponizing sex again. This has been super clear in the last 4 days, but thinking back, it could have been going on for months actually.

And you handled that situation with things like:

I told her that she's acting like a 40 year old virgin. :) She tells me that she "needs to feel closer".

So if your wife is point blank telling you she needs more comfort, and you fail to lead her emotions with your actions and respond with confusing shitty jokes then how is she suppose to get the message and change her behavior?

When I ask her for a BJ she says "I can't because I'd have to cry afterwards!".

Negotiating sex/desire. No blowjobs = work on creating your slut and upping smv.

I think it correlates with my increased work hours. She says she "wants to feel closer" but I'm getting more excuses

You know this is why. She complains she doesn't feel close enough to you, you self admittedly work too much but do not make changes to either of your schedules to accommodate? See the problem?

Next day took the wife to a show that we had the tickets for and afterwards I sat her down in a nearby hotel bar and told her that we regressed into a dead bedroom and I won't do that any more. I used up all my sexless marriage time I had available for this relationship. I showed her the doc from the attorney (with my signature already on it) and told her that the weaponized sex stops and if she disagrees she can sign. Gave her the pen. If she doesn't we can go upstairs to the hotel room and 'make peace'. Wink. I was calm. I was through. I joked with her. I think it was scary for her seeing me ready to nuke things when I generally haven't talked about divorce not matter how shitty she acted. But I was counting down the days for a long time.

Fucking cringe dude. How did you expect this conversation to go?

Maybe it can work with your wife or maybe you really are the victim and need to bounce out of this marriage asap, but overall you have a ton of work to do independent of how this plays out.

You posted this in an early OYS as something you feel applies to you and I wholeheartedly agree:

My best guess is that you're going all push, no pull. You are failing to reward good behavior. Your wife starts fucking you, wants to experiment even. At that point, you provide her with comfort. You make her feel validated and emotionally close to you. You want to encourage that behavior to continue, rather than fucking her, nodding once, then going on with the completely separate life you suddenly started to live. You also sound like you're failing to lead. You're living your own separate life and trying to make that separate life awesome, but you don't seem to have planned a spot for her in that awesome life, other than being the person you fuck when you get home from living it. You're not assigning her tasks or instructing her regarding the role she's supposed to fill or showing her a picture of where you want to lead your family. She can't fill a support role when she doesn't even know what she's supporting or how to go about it. You have to lead her. Not just lead yourself and ignore her.

[–]herp_a_merp[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Obviously your wife is weaponizing sex since thats their currency, but you overplay it significantly here as something wrong with her and not her expression of not being attracted to you

Yeah, it's very possible that she's not attracted to me. It's definitely part of the reason. Maybe the sex I did see, was just her attempt to hold the family together.

Or maybe the weaponizing sex is about her holding on to her one last weapon to feel some level of control and try to get me to do what she wants.

Or maybe I was an asshole and didn't give her enough comfort even when that was the right thing to do.

Or maybe her psychological issues and her childish way of dealing with conflict is in fact pathological and she needs to be in therapy.

Probably a combination of the above.

But I don't think I have the energy to invest any more in this relationship. The way I see it, it's a net negative in my life.

Fucking cringe dude. How did you expect this conversation to go?

It was my first FMOFY. Maybe the next one with the next woman will go better.

BTW, the prelude is missing. The discussion started like:

It was obvious at that point that it was a power game for her. And she didn't expect me to nuke it at that point. Going back I would do it again pretty much the same way.

Maybe it can work with your wife or maybe you really are the victim and need to bounce out of this marriage asap, but overall you have a ton of work to do independent of how this plays out.

I wouldn't describe myself as a victim. It's not that black and white. Part of her issues come from me reinforcing them over the years. Also she saw me as a beta for a looong time. Which is my fault. I did fumble early on with the RP stuff. Also my fault. At this point, I strongly doubt I can turn this specific relationship around after 20+ years. Especially now that it devolved into divorce chicken.

Definitely agreed on the 'plenty of work'.

You want to encourage that behavior to continue, rather than fucking her, nodding once, then going on with the completely separate life you suddenly started to live.

I did make this mistake in the past. Maybe still doing it now. Very hard for me to calibrate this with her. She never really turned into what I would call "a sweet woman". She was always very, very passive in every aspect of the relationship (low self esteem). Not only in sex, but also expressing affection, initiating conversation. Everything.

My biggest fear from day 1 was too much comfort. Overdoing it and sliding back into unfucked beta-land.

It didn't help that I never saw a single pure comfort test from her. All of them were shitty comfort tests. E.g. she would cry, but most of the time wouldn't let me hug her and would keep throwing disparaging comments at me while crying. ("You're going to leave me if I stop spreading my legs for you! [comfort?] You are a psychopath, you need medical help! [shit]" etc.)

She's kind of like a female Nice Guy sometimes. She obviously needs comfort and attention, but she never seeks it out herself (e.g. by coming to the same room where I am to initiate conversation or even asking me when I'm coming home). But when she doesn't get it, she gets pissed. And when I give it to her without her indicating that she needs it, I never know if I'm overdoing it or not. Kind of flying blind sometimes.

[–]imguralbumbot1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

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[–]Tebulus0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good luck, sounds like you are done with this one. Just be extra sure you are not overlooking some huge flaw. Definitely be mindful about your adversarial thought processes and make sure if its a problem, that you start working on it sooner rather than right before the next marriage ends if you decide you still want to get married ever. Give this JackTen post a read.

Life is not "you vs. your wife." It's not you vs. your job, or even your kids. It's you vs. you. So I repeat, the only thing that matters is: how fast are you running, and how fast do you want to run?

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

weaponizing sex is about her holding on to her one last weapon to feel some level of control and try to get me to do what she wants.

Again, do you have to end it and get divorced to take away her final weapon? Or can you take it away before the divorce? And what do you think will happen?

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

Jack would tell me that sometimes there are shitty people in your life. AT some point you decide to get rid of them.

Your shrew sounds a lot like mine. Mine I deeply rooted in Feminist ideals. She wants equality on everything so badly it's literally the only thing she thinks about, and this is due to her upbringing. Long long story.

Still this post, as pointed out already, is an angry rant about her.

I'm pissed at myself for wasting so much time

So reading some of your post history you just started posting in OYS and some of your milestones are were I would expect someone who is just beginning. No sure what part of Red Pill you've been doing before that.

I also noticed that she knows about your Red Pill conversion. There is the source of most of your issues. In her mind she is fighting fire with fire and you are coming out like Rambo. Not bad if you have the guts to go all the way....Rambo works if you are DGAF about the collateral damage.

But coupled with the fact she is resisting it seems to me that you need to put the gas down hard and not let up. There are no threats with this one. You had a main event. She backed down a bit....if you do it again it needs to be over. Done. Then you can see if she works to take you back.

p.s.: it occurred to me that she wants me to kill the puppy, but she could have just signed when I gave her the papers before.

She either thinks you don't have the balls or you are staying for the kids.

[–]herp_a_merp[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I also noticed that she knows about your Red Pill conversion.

Yeah, she found out about RP early on and knows all the lingo. She used it to 'upgrade' her shit tests ("My SMV is not high enough for you, huh?", "Haha, you failed this comfort test big time!") and to drive her self-victimization because she is now the the target of an evil online cult.

In her mind she is fighting fire with fire and you are coming out like Rambo.

Absolutely.

She either thinks you don't have the balls or you are staying for the kids.

I don't know what else I can do at this point other than actually pulling the trigger.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

she's fucking with you. She knows the lingo only. She doesn't know a shit test from a comfort test from a compliance test.

She is fucking with you end story. Your main event wasn't really. It was minor. It's ok sometimes they occur, but the next time?

she either signs or gets on aboard. No middle ground. You're biggest sin here is that you are still in her frame. Break out of that and I suspect a lot of changes will occur all at once. The process is messy at times especially with a strong willed woman.

Like always. She will follow or she won't

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

she is now the the target of an evil online cult.

That's rich. Half the guys are telling you to man up and stay married but its an evil marriage busting cult. LOL.

But there is a reason for the first and second rules of Fight Club. We really are not kidding.

If you want to contribute to the community, I suggest you post something on what happens when the wife finds out about Red Pill!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Look, you have been with her a long time, shit gets old, humans are not monogamous. Even if she was a perfect partner and the sex was never off the table during the whole marriage you must be getting bored of each other by now. Just kill that puppy now. Try your best to do it without blaming her, get Machiavellian. The only things you say to her from now on:

  • “we had a great run, we have great kids but this has run it’s course”

  • “I will always care about you and I want to be friends, it is better dor us not to fight, let’s set a good example for the kids”

  • “You are a good mother and a good person but neither of us is happy”

  • “We don’t need lawyers, we are adults, we can work this out ourselves, lawyers are the only people who make money from divorce”

  • “we need to just put on a brave face and pretend for the kids”

  • “I want us to stay friends and I want you to be happy”

That’s it! Stick to the script, do not vary. No blame game, do not let her trigger you. STFU. Do not rub it in her face if you are with someone else. Don’t blame her for ANYTHING, even when it is 100% her fault. You are going to need to hold this line forever. This is not a short term deal, fake it til you make it. If she has done shit wrong, forgive her, not for her, for your own sanity. Be the good guy, keep off your high horse, even if she sees a lawyer and plays dirty tricks, hold the line, STFU, give her a chance to come back to the negotiation table and keep the lines of communication open. Good luck and enjoy your new life.

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

You never mention any plates, f-closes with married game, getting needs met elsewhere, nothing that would move you from a scarcity mindset.

Fuck some other women during the next three weeks, or don't. Your morality or whatever still has you in only two possible scenarios: (1) Divorce or (2) your current situation of sex being at the whim of your wife.

The entire point of Rule Zero and the sexual strategy we term Married Red Pill is to MAXIMIZE your attractiveness and ability to attract WOMEN (notice plural), not polish yourself up all purddy for one woman.

[–]L0git3x1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Nothing to add I just upvoted /u/SgtSilverBack 's comment because that is my comment 100%.

Just posting to say..

Holy hell, I have a really easy marriage.

[–]wildnight98MRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Oh shit, you described my marriage to a 'T'. Ice queen / days-weeks / weaponing sex / low self-esteem / good-bad periods / hurt feelz trigger / chronic problem / seems addicted because ends good periods fast in favor of freeze-out periods...

[–]mrpthrowa0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Victim puke. You came here for validation.

Do whatever the fuck you want. DO IT.

[–]470_2_700_nm0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

I’d like to know more. What is your body fat? What are your lifts? Tell me about women who you could have fucked in the last while?

When your wife froze you out, and you had had enough, why didn’t you just go fuck one of these women I’m assuming you had in the kitty?

I need answers. I’m betting you lurked And told yourself you followed MRP’s advice. I want your typed out proof mother fucker.

[–]herp_a_merp[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

6", 168 lbs, bf 15% based on ultrasound a few weeks ago, but my home scale says 19%.

I have an injury only do high rep stuff not the usual 5x5. Squat 145 @ 10 reps, Bench 140 @ 10 reps.

Other women I won't post about because the wife (and other people I know IRL) know about MRP and I'm easily doxable. It's not worth it for me. I only have eyes for Mrs. herp_a_merp! (for the next 3 weeks)

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

6 foot and 168 at 15%...you have absolutely no muscle at all. What injury affects the ability to do both squats and bench?

I still do like her a lot, she's otherwise a decent woman,

With an attitude like you describe she sounds intolerable.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Parkinsons

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I guess coma as well. Hmm.

[–]470_2_700_nm0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ok it all checks out to me.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Other women I won't post about because the wife (and other people I know IRL) know about MRP and I'm easily doxable.

So? You could coin a new term- MRP Dread. I think some guys actually do that i.e. covertly message their wives by posting.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

If you're honest with yourself, how many of these ice queen episodes immediately followed an instance, or even period of time, when you got lax or dropped the ball on leadership, OYS around the house/marriage? How long would you say that you've been operating at 90% or better MRP standard CONSISTENTLY, day-in-day-out? Don't BS us or yourself.

[–]herp_a_merp[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I do think about this a lot.

I'm not an MRP god. I could probably use 20 lbs more muscle. Used my injury as an excuse to not spend time in the gym (I'm trying to correct this).

I work too fucking much. I have to if I want to keep my job and our standard of living, but I suspect she doesn't understand this. (She's a SAHM, never had to work in her life. We live fairly comfortably -- pre-divorce -- and can afford a cleaning service, trips abroad etc.)

Like many, I did go Rambo early on. I did make the mistake of withdrawing too quickly after sexual denials. (I became too good at NGAF and almost all her comfort tests were shitty comfort tests.)

I might never be top 10% MRP guy. It's not easy to admit, but I think, I've plateaued and don't have the juice to invest much more. My current relationship sucks out my life energy tbh. I'd feel better off alone.

Her indignation is a spiral. It can be triggered by something small and when I don't try to appease her she works herself up to MegaIceQueen. My lack of reaction to her indignation is her source of the next level of her indignation.

My favorite example is when I took her on a surprise long weekend to a very cool and popular destination abroad. And she broke down crying when she found out where we are headed, her nominal reason being that she won't have the right clothing for that climate. o_O It was completely fine, they had the same weather that time of the year, but she gave me the silent treatment for the first half of the trip. Like I murdered her puppy. It's truly pathological, self sabotaging behavior.

I remember her mentioning Hypersensitivity, but I don't think that fully describes her problem.

[–]dcapt461 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I might never be top 10% MRP guy. It's not easy to admit, but I think, I've plateaued and don't have the juice to invest much more. My current relationship sucks out my life energy tbh. I'd feel better off alone.

Lots of honesty here. I am in a similar boat with an imperfectly implemented MAP but after swallowing the pill I am happier and can't go back anyway.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She is playing you like a fiddle and the music sucks.

[–]BobbyPeru0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You’re bitching about symptoms that point to you lack of leadership

Get to work

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Ya, umh with Dread and doing it properly, which takes time.....especially working Level 3, 4, and 5, your should be playing her like a fucking accordion, but you must be operating in your frame...

Basically it is a choice you need to make. Generally you want the frame that a sexual denial is nothing- you just don't have time for a sex denying wife. So you withdraw your attention for the rest of the day/night. Then the next day NOTHING HAPPENED so you initiate again or not as if nothing happened. Build up to the initiation as if it is going to happen. Kino, seduce, etc. Be the fun, in-charge guy that she likes. Then hard initiate. Then withdraw your attention if denied again. Rinse...Repeat until she gets the message. You may begin increasing the time of your withdrawal if it doesn't work after a couple repetitions.

"But 10 rejections in a row in 3 weeks after so many years of weaponized sex do get to me. I'm sort of pissed at the repeating pattern of multiweek sexual denials at this point. (6 weeks was the longest I think)."

the reaction you give is operating in her "frame" your whole post is her frame. Regardless of the outcome, you will rinse and repeat all relationships in the future, until you are playing her like an accordion I DO NOT GIVE A FUCK WHO YOU ARE, YOU WILL RINSE AND REPEAT UNTIL YOU GET OUT OF HER FRAME

I hit the anger too, then one day, I just laughed in her face and said, "Ok, you win...... you win this game of denial and you win me not giving a fuck" I cemented with walking away and literally not giving a fuck, so much so she asked me a question a few minutes later and I answered it with literally no abatement. none It was as if we didn't have that conversation a few minutes previously. Panic came right across her face, tears flowed and she quipped, "Please don't give up on us "

See, when you truly operate in your "frame" her "ice queen" means shit and its evident. In her "frame" you ran to the attorney for the Ultimatum...... there is no fucking past problems controlling her, it is her reaction to you and you operating in your frame or hers, nothing else

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

one day, I just laughed in her face and said, "Ok, you win...... you win this game of denial and you win me not giving a fuck" I cemented with walking away and literally not giving a fuck, so much so she asked me a question a few minutes later and I answered it with literally no abatement. none It was as if we didn't have that conversation a few minutes previously. Panic came right across her face, tears flowed and she quipped, "Please don't give up on us "

This gave me a Red Pill boner.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Got a pm to expand on a recent comment, and if I would write a post

I started it so many times: I stopped operating in her frame- the end

just can't bring myself to write any further than that

Anyhoo- I am really shocked @ how many miss the fact Dread 1-5 can literally turn a shit show into puppeteer performance, if applied under frame

[–]herp_a_merp[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

"Ok, you win...... you win this game of denial and you win me not giving a fuck" I cemented with walking away and literally not giving a fuck, so much so she asked me a question a few minutes later and I answered it with literally no abatement. none It was as if we didn't have that conversation a few minutes previously. Panic came right across her face, tears flowed and she quipped, "Please don't give up on us "

See, my wife doesn't do this.

I don't know why exactly, maybe because she knows about MRP and gotten really good at power games, maybe because she overplays her hand because she still doesn't realize that yes, I'm going to really end it. I think it's a 3:7 of those maybe.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

you need to embrace that the practices properly deployed in Dread Levels 1-5, change the entire dynamics of the relationship if you operate your life in your frame- because you live for you

Just FYI, you need to call her bluff........ most women don't want to be divorced @ her age, especially if you have been operating in your frame and improving yourself........ So, are you operating in your frame

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

She suffers from low self esteem and her way of dealing with conflict is that she cranks up her self-victimization to 11. She can go full ice queen for days, even weeks.

Days should not be a problem. More than 2 weeks even "just" every few months is a problem and you pointed it out in your post. It is 'weaponized sex.' It is deliberate, malicious, and spiteful.

Is there any magical last minute thing I can try?

You have gone to Dread level 10. Before you go for the divorce, why not get a plate? Weirdly, women are turned on by a man who is indifferent when they reject the man's advances. You can get that by faking it- or you can get that by actually not caring if she turns you down for sex because you can call one of your bootty calls on speed dial. Just a thought. Good luck.

[–]herp_a_merp[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Let's say hypothetically speaking that I can get my needs met elsewhere.

If I accept that she can't stop playing these power games with me, and I truly run out fucks to give then what the hell am I doing in this marriage?

Co-parenting? We can do that without living together.

Then I'd rather use my precious time and energy to build my post divorce life.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That is up to you. We are just telling you the moment you really give up is often the moment she realizes her power games are not going to work. Women are attracted to men NOT wanting them, except we really do want them.

So the solution is to fake it or position yourself so you don't need to fake it.

The problem as you point out is once you get to this point you really don't care. We see a lot of guys get to this point before she suddenly decided to treat you like a human but by then it is to late

Ask yourself, if I had three fuck buddies on speed dial would I care if this woman left me? No! You would leave her! While she would suddenly discover her sex drive and work to tie you back down.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Put it all in a pretty package with a nice bow on top. Play up a narrative like 88wills new post, and get her to sign off quickly, before someone else tries to weaponize her for cash.

I skipped all the rest. I'm surprised, for a pending divorce and ice-queen, how many words are devoted to anything but what I said above



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