To cut a long story short I'm married with 3 kids, but I have oneitis for a coworker. I reached the point where I wanted her over my family so I told her and she rejected me. Not through lack of attraction, through the fact she didn't want to be a home wrecker and ruin her own LTR of 10 yrs.

The usual advice for oneitis is to go and plate other women. I can't do that logistically because I'm married. Catch and release is fun but it's futile, never leads anywhere. I still fuck my wife but I can't help thinking of my oneitis, so this isn't really helping. I lift but I still can't get her off my mind.

My wife thinks I'm depressed as I've become more withdrawn in general, I often come home from work and lie in a darkened room (Fridays are worst). We argue a lot as subconsciously I'm almost trying to engineer a split.

My conscious mind tells me "what the fuck are you doing? You're about to blow up everything you have worked for over some fucking chick who probably doesn't love you and who you've never even fucked".

However rationally I look at this, and know it's true, I can't get this girl out of my mind. I can't stop going over conversations we've had, trying to figure out whether I acted "red pill" each time and whether my actions are turning her off or on.

I know I need to fix this right now and I also know that counselling is not the answer because I know the root of the problem:

I met my wife when we were very young and I've never plated other women as a result. I feel I've missed out on being a man. Now I am in my prime (mid 30s) I'm getting more looks on the street than ever before.

My friendship circle is too small as I live in a rural area and guys around my age have all settled down & had kids.

I simply can't go on like this, wanting to curl up in bed during the daytime and brood.

The way I see it I have 2 options:

  • quit my job so I don't see this girl anymore. The thought of this currently makes me want to throw up.
  • quit my marriage so I can go and plate other women and get over her this way. I will lose access to my kids and fuck their lives up doing this.

As you can see, both of these options seem like terrible options and I don't want to do either. But I need to do SOMETHING, because this situation has spiralled out of control.

Is there another way out of this?

Thanks for reading.

PS it may seem lame, "curling up in bed" or whatever. All I can tell you is that if you've never been in this place you won't understand. I have become bored with my life. I want this girl and I also understand that by wanting her so badly it's making her not want me even more. A horrible paradox. To get her, I know I have to get to a stage that I don't want her. But I'm finding this impossible as I see her every day and I can't plate other women.

At the moment I don't enjoy spending time with my family, and this is very sad - this is what I need to fix.