How to reward?

chachaChad · 2017-06-12T15:31:14+00:00

Don't take your foot off the gas.

She's not going out of her way to be nice, she's reacting to the better man you are becoming.

It sounds like you want to reward her for no longer generally treating you like shit, not for some specific event that would actually merit a reward. All of what you listed isn't special, it's normal- if you are a valuable man.

[deleted] · 2017-06-12T15:32:45+00:00

Covertly with time and attention. Overtly with honest feedback:

"Huh, you know, I like it when you're being all cuddly."

"Damn you looked fine in that lace last night. You should experiment like that more often (wink)."

donedreadpirate · 2017-06-12T16:17:52+00:00

This is a delicate balance. My wife has been working really hard on something I asked her to do. I rewarded her with appreciation, time and attention. Now, she wants me to just sit on the couch and keep giving her the validation. Had to kill that this weekend. Got shit to do. You've been rewarded. It's over. Moving on.

Edit: Proof this works. Got home from work last night, she had appetizers on the counter, cooking dinner, "I've been thinking about you all day", kids in bed, lingerie, smash town. Didn't have to listen to her or give any attention. She got her reward and now we are back on track. Just reminded her with a little absence that I am not a fountain of validation.

thewholefnshow547 · 2017-06-12T16:33:44+00:00

I am of the opinion, rarely to never reward. Unless there is above and beyond the call of duty. Seems to me like she should have been behaving like this the whole time. Do you celebrate when you press the power button on your TV and it turns on? Now if you press the power button and hardcore porn comes on, yes that is cause for celebration! Don't reward her for behaving how you expect her to behave on a daily basis.

You are trying to foster a chase mentality. Giving her a treat may give her the idea that she is still the prize. You don't want that. Only once the Red Pill is cemented as you and you wife's way of life would I even consider a reward.

As SlowRide said, Don't take your foot off the gas. You got her on the hook, don't get silly and start to pedestalize her.

RuleZeroDAD · 2017-06-12T17:02:31+00:00

Honestly, she's just getting back to acceptable behavior. Nothing to reward. It's great for you, because you're not used to being a valued person. Lack of abundance will do that to a guy.

If you reward her for sex with stuff, what are you doing in actuality? Is she a whore?

Be pleasant. Say thank you. Make her life easier if you want to. Demonstrate your ability to lead and reward her with your security and trust.

Just remember to be the prize and not the provider.

redandswollen · 2017-06-12T15:59:11+00:00

One thing that hurt me was taking my wife's progress for granted and treating her like she's not doing enough. So she'd be nice, pleasant, sexy etc and I'd think "Well, she's not offering threesomes and packing sandwiches daily." So I'd get butthurt and bitchy.

So make sure you're mindful of the improvements that your lady is making. You know what she enjoys, so take time and effort into giving her gifts of time and attention. For example, I hate beach vacations but the wife loves them. Lately, she's been uncommonly good so I booked a trip for us. Uncommon acts from her deserve uncommon acts from me, at least in my mind.

The flip side is that negative reinforcement rarely works well for me. Punishing her for bitchy, disrespectful attitudes only get more bad behavior from her. So when she's a bitch, I take the affection down to a neutral stance. Neither good nor bad and wait for whatever mood she's having to pass.

Tebulus · 2017-06-12T18:10:52+00:00

This is an example of when you reward behavior.

InChargeMan · 2017-06-12T18:40:53+00:00

Rewarding her new normal (which isn't above and beyond expected) just tells her where her minimum effort level lives. She should always be striving to keep up with your rocket ship of awesomeness.

screechhater · 2017-06-13T04:05:33+00:00

Read the sidebar.

You, the Masculine, unshakeable man, is the reward.

matrixtospartanatLV · 2017-08-22T16:00:55+00:00

She wants your time, attention, and validation. Those are rewards.

Reward her when you see what you want to see more of.

Ignore her when you see what you don't like.

It's been 2.5 months.

Your shit good?

Title	How to reward?
Author	chachaChad
Upvotes	7
Comments	19
Date	June 12, 2017 3:20 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6gsv3u/how_to_reward/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/how-to-reward.206020 https://theredarchive.com/post/206020