Two of the books in the reading list in r/marriedredpill are by Athol Kay. The one recommended for reading early in the reading list is The Married Man Sex Life Primer (MMSLP). The other one is later in the reading list and is titled The Mindful Attraction Plan (TMAP). Each of the books outlines a “plan” that covers a sequence of changes on how to look at relationships and yourself. Each plan has seven phases, but the overall focus is not the same between the two books.
In MMSLP, Kay calls the plan “The Male Action Plan” (MAP). The primary focus is to work on yourself to improve your relative “Sexual Market Value” or “Sex Rank”. The idea is that as you make genuine improvements to yourself, you increase your Sex Rank relative to your wife or LTR. The timeline for this plan varies, but depends on how long it takes you to increase your Sex Rank. The concept of Dread is not really directly discussed in the way that we have seen it explained by u/BluepillProfessor in The 12 Step Plan of Dread which is an excerpt from his book Saving a low sex marriage: A Man's Guide to Dread, Seduction, and the Long Game. Nevertheless, implicit in the MAP from MMSLP is that by increasing your Sex Rank you are increasing your attractiveness to all women, including your wife or LTR which is a form of Dread.
In TMAP the plan is called “The Mindful Attraction Plan”. That plan is oriented towards relationships in general, and is applicable to males or females. Kay’s approach in this MAP is to focus on “energy”. As in the MMSLP MAP, Kay emphasizes that the TMAP focuses on making changes for yourself that move in in a better direction. And that despite what may be substantial improvements in critical areas in your life, other people in your life may not recognize or value those changes. But, in general, those improvements will lead to better relationships because you are a better person with whom to have a relationship - whether it is romantic, work, etc.
This post is a result of me wanting to integrate aspects of both MMSLP and TMAP into my “master” MAP. And also reconcile my MAP timeline with the The 12 Step Plan of Dread. A quick overview of me for those not inclined to review my history: I am 49, 210lb, 20% BF, 6’1”, married 22 years. Have been aware of MMSLP for a couple years, and started choking on the pill Jan 1. Have read the prereq (NMMNG several times), as well as TMAP, 16CoP, BoP, 48 Laws of Power and Day Bang. Have been OYS until having a major setback several weeks back. That setback is what set me on the course to review and remake my MAP and get back to owning my shit.
MMSLP and TMAP both lay out 7 phases in their action plan. Here is a side by side comparison along with the implied “Dread Level”:
|Phase ||MMSLP ||TMAP ||Dread ||Length |
|1 ||Lift, reading ||Get “Red” Energy Areas under control ||Dread Levels 1 & 2 ||Will take some time (until within 5-10% of ideal weight) |
|2 ||Initiating Sex & Game ||Work on “Yellow” Areas, Ask for what you want, learn to say no ||Dread Levels 1,2 & 3 As long as required ||(Up to a year or longer) |
|3 ||Upgrade Clothing & Appearance ||Appearance & State Intentions ||Dread Level 4-5 ||2 months MMSLP, 3-6 months TMAP |
|4 ||State Intentions Clearly ||Act on Intentions ||Dread Level 9 ||1 week |
|5 ||Start Distancing ||Withdraw Support ||Dread Level 6-8 ||As long as required |
|6 ||Ultimatum ||Ultimatum ||Dread Level 10 ||Days |
|7 ||New Life (Wife?) ||Life without “Energy Vampire” ||Dread Level 11-12 ||As Long as Required |
A couple of interesting points. First, while both MAPS generally line up with overall themes, the mapping to dread is not sequential or perfect. This is something that sort of threw me off in my attempts to draft out a plan. In fact, when I started in January, I was just following the Dread levels, and never really wrote out a MAP. I sort of had one in the sense that my OYS posts had some structure. Second, MMSLP is very focused on improvements in sex rank and getting sex and intimacy needs met for men - while TMAP is focused on improving “Energy” ( I read “Energy” as outlook) and is focused on relationships of all sorts.
What does this all mean? Well, for me I think that the Dread Level outline is actually a more practical timeline, and it is logically sequential. If I am being totally honest with myself, I am still at Dread Level 1 & 2 at 5 months in so realistically still in Phase 1 of either MAP. My reformulated MAP will be based on the Dread Levels, while pulling in tidbits from the two Athol Kay books. I need to get real with myself about where I am at right now so I know what my jumping off point will be on my reworked MAP.
I know this is a little bit spergie and rambling (so, probably best put here on r/askMRP), but I am curious as to how others created their MAP. Did you write it out all at once before you started? Winged it? Wrote it out as you went along? Did you base on MMSLP, TMAP or Dread - or a combination? Other thoughts?