Almost 20 year marriage, and it's actually going well. I do a lot of the things suggested here (very consistent weightlifter too) and my SMV is definitely above hers. edit: we have kids too. As you all know, most couples go through a period before the engagement where they date "exclusively" (aka "steady") For us this was about 2 1/2 yrs before the engagement.

We were recently talking about ex's before we met, and she told me a story of an ex who had called her out of the blue and they had a 1-time hookup. She swears this happened before she met me. But she gave a clue which could pinpoint the exact date of the hookup -- he was in town for a friend's wedding (she gave the name of the couple), but I can't find the exact date of it... yet.

If I were to find the date corroborates with her claim that it happened before we met... no problem. But...

What is the standard operated procedure here in MRP-land if I have a good marriage and find out this happened during our dating phase?

Specifically... what if it happened well into our dating phase, say past the 6 month mark? (we would have definitely been considered "exclusive" by then)

Or what if it happened early on, say before the 6 month mark?

What's the standard MRP response? I'm thinking I could use this as some kind of psychological dread tool if things ever get bad, but I want to hear what you guys think.

EDIT: here's some extra information I left out of the OP for anyone else who's responded so far: Apparently she was butthurt over at least two previous LTR BF's (before me) who cheated on her, and she's developed a deep paranoia about cheating. Me, I've never cheated on her - but before you call me a beta bitch - the reason is that I don't like all the time-consuming female drama of plate spinning. I just want one woman at a time so I can focus more on what needs to get done in life. But because of her previous ex's cheating, and my SMV, she mate-guards me like crazy, and often talks about how she could never stand me cheating and "once a cheater, always a cheater".

How ironic would that be to confront a cheating pontificator about her own cheating?

Or this could all be moot if the date checks out.