2-3 months in
I would like an opinion on the situation I had tonight, and how it could be handled differently.
Fridays I finish earlier, so we can all have a family dinner together. Kids (6,4) have a tendency to play up, especially the younger one.. not sitting in his chair, running around, being silly etc... (In the past I have taken him to his room for bad behavior, and if he settled/or my wife convinced him to eat then he would get back to the table. ) He started acting up again at dinner, and I gave him a couple of warnings that if he doesn't settle he will go to his room. He didn't settle, and I took him to his room, 1 min later my wife went to him, and they both came out of the room, and told me he will eat now. I told him if he doesn't settle, and eat, he will go back to his room, and will stay there all through dinner, and then eat dinner by himself, (none of this was said in anger, I just explained to him what would happen) , 30 sec later he is running around the dinning table being silly and not eating, so I took him back to his room. 1 min later, he starts crying and my wife runs to him, starts blaming me for upsetting the child, and this type of parenting is wrong blah, blah....they come out , and I tell my wife, that I want him to stay in his room till we finish, and then he can eat, she starts explaining to me that he wants to sit on a different chair blah - blah-blah.. I was nearly done with my dinner, so I got up, thanked her for dinner, put the dishes in sink, and took the dog for a walk. When I came back everyone was on the couch (i told kids earlier we will have a movie night) waiting for me, and wife had 1 kid on each side. After movie we took kids to bed, and she went to bed with the older one, as he is not well. I told her goodnight, and told her I am going to work to do things.
I perfectly well understand what happened tonight. I got walked all over tonight, my wife has close to 0 respect for what I say, undermines me in front of kids... My aim is to understand what the best action I can take. I could not think of any way to deal with the situation, so I left to take the dog out, and give me a chance to think it over.
1st question. In a situation like that, when I am clearly being disrespected, apart from removing myself from it, what are other ways to handle it?? ( I did not want to have a discussion in front of kids)
2nd. Any suggestions on how I can reinforce boundaries. When kids are alone with me, they behave, and listen.
3rd question. My wife has the kids on the pedestal, hence a tear, and she runs.... It makes it very difficult to parent, or enforce any boundaries with kids when the other parent undermines you (and kids know it). Any suggestions?
I will be having a talk to my wife about it. Any suggestions on how to approach this? The reason I ask is, I don't think very clearly on the spot, so I have to mentally prepare myself.