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Being the fun Dad

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blinkerpu
March 20, 2017
10 upvotes
askMRP

I came across this statement in another post:

Are you the fun SO/Dad that everyone wants to be with? (Instead of an emotionless stoic father figure doling out advice and reprimanding)

I'm very much the latter, and it's one of the biggest things I need/want to change.

How can I start addressing this area of my life and become the dad that my kids need me to be?

Not sure if it makes a difference, but I'm divorced and my kids are 9 and 11.


Post Information
Title Being the fun Dad
Author blinkerpu
Upvotes 10
Comments 18
Date 20 March 2017 06:07 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206383
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/60i49j/being_the_fun_dad/
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Comments

[–]SeamusAwl9 points10 points  (6 children) | Copy

My girls are 12 and 8. Kids are a great way to practice Amuse Mastery on (to a point, nothing sexual). You know. Give them a high five and move your hand so they miss. Tickle them and then take their hands and make them slap or punch themselves all the while asking why they are slapping themselves.

Other things I have done:

Read them a book and make voices. I will break from reading to make a silly remark about the book as well.

Play soccer and mix it up with a scrimmage of keep away. Where i put money on the line (not much, $5-$10)

Run with them and then pretend to be hurt, only to run past them when they stop. Then when they do the same you over embellish your concern. When they book it you call them out on it with a mock surprised type voice.

Also you have never experienced life until you get tackled and piled on by a dozen giggling 4-6 year olds.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

you have never experienced life until you get tackled and piled on by a dozen giggling 4-6 year olds.

I miss that. I have a black belt in karate and love to throw the kids across the room onto the couch. I was able to do it with a half dozen boys until the teenage years. After that the piling on meant I was buried under a pile of football players and it stopped being fun- for me at least.

[–]zurgenfloggin5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

I remember the day we had our son's birthday party. I think he was turning 8 or there-abouts. It was during the star wars rebirth. We worked up this whole jedi thing. We sent invites to his friends that was a letter from yoda, asking them to join the rebellion, to show up at our address with a light saber ready to training.

We had set up all kinds of games in the back yard. Meanwhile I dressed up like darth vader. When the kids came back into the house I was there. I then said in my most darth vader voice, "Drew, I am your father, I have stolen your cake. Join me and together we can rule the universe."

Holy shit the dozen boys did not laugh. Their expressions hardened and they looked at each other as soldiers would before going headlong into battle. Then, they charged me.

As they rained blows down upon me, I was able to eek out a cry for help. I had bruises all over me for weeks. My wife almost pulled a muscle laughing about it.

Never again.

[–]resolutions3162 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Honestly, this sounds like the PERFECT example of being the fun dad. This is a memory you guys will have forever.

[–]macaroni_veteran-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ew

[–]abdadaRed Beret8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy

Do more physical outings with the kids. Let them grocery shop with you, picking out their own meat from the butcher and veggies. Make them proud of cutting their own veggies or using the grater for parmesan on their meal.

Go outside and fly kites, throw a ball, build a sand castle, go surfing together, learn to sail a small catamaran.

Teach your sons to talk to girls/women. Show them the value in selling stuff they don't want or need. Take them on Craigslist hunting trips to look for cheap free weights or fun items (old complete board game sets from the 70s).

Find a pinball machine in a hole in the wall restaurant and teach them to save quarters and match them 10:1 when you go plunk the steel ball.

Find other single dads and set up outings. Socialize with other men and their kids. Weekend park barbecues, badminton or cornhole bags, etc.

[–]zurgenfloggin3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

  • When you go shopping with them, race them around the isle a little. Deny you are racing. I went shipping with my 16 year old daughter, I kept darting away from her which made her giggle. Just make the normal-everyday-event fun. When the kids picks something up to throw into the cart, move the cart away. When they move to get close to the cart, start trying to get it away from them. Deny you are doing it while smiling. etc. You get it.

  • Tease them about crushes they have at school. Offer to "set them up" with someone. Use the power of Dad-don't-embarass-me. Write a note that says "Will you go with me, if so check this box:". Make it as stupid as you can and promise you'll be able to "make it cool" -- again the corny-er the better. Play the part of the corny dad who thinks he's cool...know you are playing it...wield your dad-awkwardness like a weapon.

  • Take them out to toilet paper their friends when they have a big sleep over. coach them how to do it. Throw a few roles.

[–]SeamusAwl0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Just make the normal-everyday-event fun.

Yup. Bought my oldest an ice cream bar last week. She couldn't make a decision (AWALT at age 12), so I picked a klondike bar for her. started to drive away and I stopped in the middle of the parking lot. I told her that I picked a klondike bar because i love klondike bars. She stared at me and then handed it over. I took a bite. then down the road I kept looking at her while stopped at a light. She saw me and turned away. then she said "here have another bite." I thanked her profusely and asked how did she know I wanted another bite. She just gave me the look and then she giggled. The everyday mundane turned into something dumb and fun.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

Its a mindset, first and foremost. Start with a positive attitude when you are around them. Think of them positively. Smile. Develop an "inner game" that doesn't have room for negativity, frustration, and performance-based affection. Internalize that life is short, and sweet, and its what you make of it. So make it fun.

Once you change yourself internally first, then the actions and concrete advice from abdada will flow more naturally.

[–]wally5923 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think the negative/advice giving/reprimanding Man you find your self to be boils down in part to doing stuff you want to do with your kids (and in life). If you find yourself doing stuff you think you're supposed to do, then you'll see life as a place of NON-abundance. NMMNG has a blurb about this I believe .. life being a place of abundance versus a place that's barren.

If my needs are being met, then I can rid myself of the covert contracts that I've got setup and the expectation that the world is around to help me be happy. Since that never leads to happiness, I find myself pointing out everybody else's problems in an attempt to get them to fix my problems.

Kind of circular ... Glover delivers it well in his book. It sort of crystallized for me when I read it the first time. Then it went fuzzy, and I had to go back and re-read that section. Then it went fuzzy, etc, etc, etc. Look for the Caring vs Caretaking section in NMMNG. I'm going to go look it up now and read a bit of it again...

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Buddy, there is so much published material on how to be a good father. There's some good stuff here and on red pill father hood. Main advice for you:

Consistency is key. Don't forget it. Make sure they know what your expectations are and that they know what the consequences are for not meeting them.

Learn what your kids are developmentally capable of for their age and work from there

Don't be their friend, be their father. The bulk of your relationship with them will be when they are adults. When they are adults there will be time for you to be friends and if you do it right being their father then they will WANT you as a friend. My kids are all grown but call me and text me frequently.

Don't be stingy with your praise but don't be stingy with the discipline either. If you feel the need to hit them then you are doing it wrong.

There is no shortage of things that you can do with your kids. If you can't think of any then try google.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Balance my friend. I've learned with my kids, that if I'm always fun and praising and giving they get spoiled. When I'm always stoic and critical they get numb. Every situation is unique, but try and find a balance that also fits your personality.

[–]Captain-Keys0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Take an improv class.

[–]WesternhagenWinner0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How did you "bring the fun" to them when you weren't divorced? Keep doing that.

The thing you don't want to do is get into a mutual bribery contest with your ex, in which there is a race to the bottom to see how can be the most permissive ("fun") and thus liked by the kids more than the other boring disciplinarian parent. But you already knew that...

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Camping. Let them play and help build a small fire they can add too.

Shopping for groceries. Teach how to price, pick fruits and vegetables.

Cooking.

Teaching requires tremendous patience and self discipline to allow for mistakes. Allow them to make them, laugh and then step back and enjoy a completed project, meal or activity

Coaching. Dress like a man in a collar shirt and learm to drill them for good grounded fundamentals and accuracy. Lots of hi fives and fist pumps to all.

Affection. The 11 year old needs it now.

Remember to reprimand bad behavior immediately but punish in private with a stern low voice.

Make damned sure you understand this is their life and they deserve a great father. Not a friend. A father is an example and leader to emulate. They are watching and learning. Read jack10heaets. The Mayor Learm to work the rooms. And be active in their behalf, it is about you but mainly about them. This is their time

[–]Soberskipper0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm 27 my daughter is 6 and son is 2. I'm just the biggest kiddie out of the 3 of us. Playfighting is the best bonding I've experienced on a Feelings level if that makes sense. I have to stop myself squeezing them so tight because I feel the love between us. I on purpose do my dance routines wrong with my daughter which is great fun. She laughs uncontrollably when I "shake my butt". Stoicism is great for the teenage years, when they start to question life but at this early stage I'm a big goofball. However they know my serious voice, n i even use the term "no more Mr nice dad".



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