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Getting her back in shape.

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March 16, 2017
9 upvotes

Swallowed the pill in Dec 2015. Did it all properly read all the books, the sidebar twice (trp)and the top posts etc. Started to see and understand it all play out in front of my eyes in real life, hit the anger phase twice and I finally feel like I'm over all the lies, I know I see through them at least. My life is on track and eventhough I'm making baby steps In my map I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. We have 2 kids aged 2 and 6 but next month they turn 3 and 7. I'm 27 and my ltr is 25. Since swallowing the pill I've gained 6-7 kilos in muscle, down to under 10% body fat, earned a £200 raise a month ( which I save entirely for my mortgage deposit). Started leading at home and in the wider family itself and peers have noticed. Started muay Thai and ju jitsu. Grooming on point, clothes game not bad but tbh could do with a few new garms. But generally I'm a much better more attractive and successful person. The options I have at the moment female wise are better than they've ever been I get IOIS daily and women who know me suddenly see me on thier radar. I believe that my ltr and kids have responded to my leadership in a positive way and my eldest has really grown up leaps and bounds and I put alot of that down to my new attitude in the house.

Now when my youngest was born I said to my ltr in a very blue pilled Manor "don't worry about your size etc you've got 3 years for your body to recover fully from child birth. If your still overweight at that point you'll have to excersise to shift it." She half assed last summer before our holiday on an exercise bike until the holiday then fucked it off. Our sex life is pretty weak tbh at once maybe twice a week but the quality is definitely there, and she's become very submissive.

The thing is she's fat. she was a size 8 when we met n now she's a 12-14 And I've told her she's overweight, I haven't said I'm not attracted to you anymore but I'm not far off that point. I've inducted her on my gym membership and given her a timeslot on Saturday mornings when I take the kids swimming. She's a smoker and a comfort eater too which obviously is not good. I've introduced passive and heavy dread in the past 6 months(passive longer as I work with women) and it works on the sex front definitely but no reaction in the gym.

Her weight aside she's a good women don't get me wrong she has many red flags but if I died tomorrow I know my children would be raised right with MY morals driven into them. And believe it or not I do love her. I dont want to end it and I want to help her. We've been together since 17 and 18 and been through alot. How did you guys get your wives/girlfriends to step it up?


Post Information
Title Getting her back in shape.
Author Soberskipper
Upvotes 9
Comments 53
Date 16 March 2017 11:16 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206408
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5zpz3w/getting_her_back_in_shape/
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Comments

[–]dandar46005 points6 points  (8 children) | Copy

You know it's not gym that will make her lose weight. It's calories in vs calories out. Gym contributed very little to calories out on a weekly basis. She needs to lose weight in the kitchen.

[–]Soberskipper[S] 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

I understand what your saying but as a family we all eat the same healthy home cooked traditional foods. Her breakfast and lunch are different to mine but dinner is always good (casseroles, curry's, roast dinners etc). She also needs to tone up, the doctors reckon her weight is "perfect" for her height etc. But it's her body fat that bugs me. I've told her about the snacks repeatedly.

[–]SepeanRed Beret5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Her breakfast and lunch are different to mine but dinner is always good (casseroles, curry's, roast dinners etc)

If the portion size is wrong, it doesn't matter that it's "good". The calories doesn't magically get shat out because the food is "good". Our bodies will store extra calories as fat, it is as simple as that.

the doctors reckon her weight is "perfect" for her height

The official guidelines are ridiculous and call anything under BMI 18.5 underweight.

[–]Soberskipper[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Amen to that.

[–]tim_rp0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

(casseroles, curry's, roast dinners etc)

Just watch yourself on this. This may seem healthy compared to prefab, highly processed meals but I find these three examples specifically can be hidden calorie bombs. All three tend to be high fat and accompanied by tasty, tasty carbs.

I can't find the source but I read somewhere about a "golden ratio" of fat and carbs that tends to make food moreish. (1:1?)

[–]Soberskipper[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

All our food is cooked fresh and we use lactose and gluten free ingredients but I'll definitely look deeper into the calories. I've heard that before Aswell, my brothers big on nutrition but for gains rather than cutting and I'm sure he's mentioned it before

[–]tim_rp0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Dude, calories/kilojoules are consideration number 1 for weight control. Number 1.

Cutting lactose and gluten is only beneficial if you're sensitive to those ingredients.

Made from scratch is all good but fat used in cooking (or not trimmed from meat) can hide tonnes of calories in your food. Portion sizes is the other one, especially carb-heavy side dishes like roasted potatoes, rice and pasta.

[–]Soberskipper[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah I've got coeliacs disease so I can't eat gluten and lactose. So we all have the sane as it's easier to cook that way. The reason I said it was the pasta/bread and cereals are a lot less bloating, I'll definitely be watching cutting fatty edges off meats, that's never crossed my mind thanks.

[–]officerkondo5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

We have 2 kids aged 2 and 6...I'm 27 and my ltr is 25

Please explain what you were thinking.

you've got 3 years for your body to recover fully from child birth

Where did this idea come from? Why did you say it out loud?

She's a smoker and a comfort eater too

Oh boy.

she's a good women don't get me wrong she has many red flags

Pick one.

How did you guys get your wives/girlfriends to step it up?

You can't. You can't want anything for anyone else. You can't make her get in shape any more than you can get her to learn Punjabi. People will tell you "just lead her" but that is simply a covert contract. "Oh, if you do make the meal plan and buy the food and cook all the meals and she sees your SMV go up with exercise, she will slim down." NOPE. She'll still keep gorging on chocolate. I would say that she won't get in shape until she decides that being fat is worse than losing you, but you made two kids with her so she knows she can force you to pay child support.

You need to accept that her weight is much more likely to go up, not down.

[–]Soberskipper[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

We had a pregnancy scare because she "forgot her pill" when we went on holiday and didn't realise until day 5 or some shit after I've smashed that ass repeatedly. I spent the rest of the holiday reflecting in some BP fantasy trance mentally preparing to become a dad and afterwards when we got back I was massively disappointed she wasn't pregnant, don't ask me why but I felt devastated so she stayed off contraception and within a week she was pregnant. It was a ludicrous desion, I don't shy away from that . However I was sure on having no2 Ive always wanted my kids to be brought up together so they can have a close relationship and help eachothers development. I don't regret becoming a father at an early age at all, of course financially it's been tough but we are comfortable. I can enjoy parenthood and my kids get to be raised by me in my prime which In today's age could turn out to be a big advantage for my son.

The 3 years recovery from pregnancy was something they said to us both in the hospital. Both our kids were big and she's petite (was)I think it's regarding hormones, muscle recovery, breastfeeding the uterus and other women business. Why I said it? Because I was fucking idiot.

I do accept that I can't make her do shit.The problem has been acknowledged by her, she knows the deal she just needs a catalyst to motivate her. Suppose I could be looking for a jedi mind trick that doesn't exist.

[–]officerkondo0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

she "forgot her pill"

It is to laugh.

she just needs a catalyst to motivate her.

Motivation is what people talk about when they don't do the shit they know they need to do. Do you need to motivate her to eat her favorite food? Does she need to motivate you to have sex? No, because people do things they see as their own reward.

[–]SepeanRed Beret2 points3 points  (20 children) | Copy

The gym is the smallest part of it. You lose weight by being in a calorie deficit, and exercise does very little for that. She needs to count calories, stay in a calorie deficit and adjust her daily calorie goal so she keeps losing weight. If she's not losing .5 kg per week, she needs to lower her intake.

And she has to accept that it will suck. She will be hungry. She will have to say no to offered snacks. Cutting weight is unpleasant.

Also, intermittent fasting and keto makes it easier for a lot of people. It still sucks, but it sucks less.

[–]WesternhagenWinner2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

IF and low carb enabled both my wife and I to lose a ton of weight with very little exercise. Also, this program didn't involve a lot of mental pain. All we did was eliminate bread, pasta, cereal, rice, and skip dinner every other day.

[–]Soberskipper[S] 0 points1 point  (18 children) | Copy

Maybe it's just my mindset from my sporting background but in my opinion there's no better way to tone up and burn off fat than exercise. At 25 I believe she needs to be quiting smoking, eating right and doing cardio twice a week to be a mentally and physically healthy women. Plus she's already a shit testing machine at the moment....keto diet will seriously cause me some headache lol. Plus for 3-4 days of the week we are awake at different times due to her shifts so I know I can't enforce it. Her portions are too big quite often and she stuffs her face with chocolate on a night. I came in from the dojo last night after a real gruelling pads session to find 3 chocolate wrappers in the bin that she had bought from the shop.

[–]SepeanRed Beret2 points3 points  (13 children) | Copy

Maybe it's just my mindset from my sporting background but in my opinion there's no better way to tone up and burn off fat than exercise.

Your sporting background is shit then. Sorry, but you're just factually wrong.

eating right

Largely irrelevant unless you're talking about total calorie intake. That's pretty much all there is to it. Eating "healthy", it's bullshit. The only good thing about "healthy" foods is that many of them give good satiety per calorie which makes it easier to hit your daily calorie intake goal.

keto diet will seriously cause me some headache lol

I hate keto too. Try intermittent fasting then. I've been doing leangains for a long time, it's really great. I start the day with two large classes of water and a cup of coffee and keep on with the fluids, and that makes it fairly easy to not eat until 2pm. And that's a lot of skipped calories, which allows me to eat proper meals later on (I still have to count calories though).

Her portions are too big quite often and she stuffs her face with chocolate on a night

She has to weigh what she eats and count calories.

[–]Soberskipper[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

"your sporting background is shit then" Epic comment had me in laughs this afternoon.

[–]SepeanRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Sorry I hurt your feelings, but look bro. You think you know it all because you're good at sports, but you're wrong about cutting.

[–]Soberskipper[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're right I'm a natural "know it all". I actually get accused of this daily! And i know fuck all about cutting your right. Don't worry about hurting my feelings, I'm a big boy.

[–]Soberskipper[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

OK boss thanks for The input

[–]SepeanRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

What's that, smugness? If you would rather protect your ego and have a fat wife instead of taking advice, then go ahead.

[–]Soberskipper[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Not really. You know your shit so I took it on board. Ego is at the door as always.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I've always eaten whatever i want, largely because I lead a really active lifestyle. But that may not work for everyone

[–]SepeanRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I know skinny people who hardly do any physical activity. It might just be your appetite levels that are low.

But the thing is, someone who needs to lose weight, how can they do that? A 500kcal daily deficit is the norm, that's about 1lbs per week. A 130lbs woman needs to run 10 miles every other day to burn that. That's a fuckton of exercise and absolutely unrealistic for most people. On top, burning that many calories on exercise will make her more hungry; she'll eat more and that will eat up a lot of the deficit. So we're back to square one, limiting calorie intake below what is natural for you and enduring hunger.

Exercise is not the cure for fatness, diet is.

[–]Soberskipper[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That's me bro so I find it difficult when people talk about diets I look at my own metabolism and think I could eat whatever as long as I burn off the calories. I've never understood how people get fat, but not everyone has our lucky metabolism.

[–]A_RexRED KNIGHT0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I'm using MyPlate now. So is wife. Even has a bar code scanner to make input a breeze. Put in your height, weight, activity level, and it calculates your TDEE based on your goals (bulk cut or maintain). Also tracks Macros. Great stuff.

[–]Soberskipper[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Is myplate an app yeah?

[–]A_RexRED KNIGHT0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yes, it's a mobile app. I have my on my iPhone, not sure about other devices

[–]Soberskipper[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

OK well she's got an iPhone so there's no excuses. When I get home I'll be searching that shit.

[–]rocknrollchuck1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

You could get her to do IIFYM (If It Fits Your Macros), because then she could eat some chocolate every day as long as it fits her macros.

[–]Soberskipper[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'll look into that sounds decent. In the uk we got these slimming world and weight watchers programmes but I've always thought once she's at her preferred weight she'll fall off.

[–]rocknrollchuck0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The problem with programs like that is you lose weight as long as you eat the food they sell you (and it's very expensive). Once you go back to regular food, most people gain the weight back.

The key is counting your calories. Get a digital food scale, they're not expensive. You would be surprised how many more calories are in something than you think.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

CICO.

the best benefit from exercise is speeding up metabolism, and repairing muscle damage. Of course, you already have a caloric surplus under the skin...

She's hiding 1400 cheesburgers under her clothes every workout

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I've inducted her on my gym membership and given her a timeslot on Saturday mornings when I take the kids swimming.

That's probably not enough motivation for her. In a way, she and I are not unalike. I have a hard time training without something to train for. I've been this way all my life. So, what did I do? Well, I'm glad you asked. I sign myself up for events: fights, races, obstacles courses etc. This provides me with all the motivation I need. I don't want to lose an amateur fight because I get winded. I don't want my neighbour to run that 8KM race faster than me and watch the disappointment in my kids faces when I cross the finish line after their friend's Dad etc. Having something to train for motivates me. This has translated into my marriage too. While my wife doesn't fight (martial arts) she does run races: I sign her up for them. She doesn't want to look like an idiot any more than I do, so she trains. Perhaps this will help with your wife. Good luck.

[–]Soberskipper[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I was thinking exactly this earlier after reflecting on my post, I'll definitely be looking for something.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

My SO's hair is badly damaged, botched dye job. At some point, she knew she was going to have to cut it. She asked me what I thought of short hair. I said I don't like lesbians.

Long story short, she got it cut, bout the same length as Gena Davis in "Long kiss goodnight" says it was the stylist going too far, but was psyched and loved it, I figured it was bad when my phone blew up with pics of hot chicks in short hair.

She got home, asked me if I like it.

"no" (WISNIFG)

The growth plan is underway, 3 months until It's back to a normal girl length again.

Had this same talk about weight, I don't lie to make her feel better, but I don't beat her with the truth cudgel either. As few words as needed, no more. Granted, I'm postitive throwing a photo up here would show an average girl size... I'd rather she be slim enough that when women talk, instead of ignoring her and being pleasant to me, that they be bitchy to her.

I know 'lead' is the goto advice here, and it is true. I find too many guys assume 'lead' to mean 'micromanage' and 'handhold'. I'm going to disagree there, has the feel of being a crutch.

I'm going forward with the idea of getting the hamster to work for her. I'll write a field report when I can articulate what I've tried... how good are you at speaking womaneese? How are your actions? On a simple level, dread and being hawt are easy starting points

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don't beat her with the truth cudgel

Easy to do .

[–]Soberskipper[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My dread levels are good. Well I think so anyway, I work in a university twice a week as a sub contractor in the fashion department. So it's rife with pussy and many of them have my personal number for professional reasons, cash in hand jobs etc. I've had the flirty texts and don't delete them Aswell as invites to shows etc. A while ago she did some Facebook research on a chick who was constantly ringing me all hours because she came out of uni to set up her own business, I've done well out of it and made a bit of money but ltr wasn't happy lol. Plus her school mum friends all want my cock......since trp. I have thought maybe my social life could improve but it's hard to fit in I'm finding time once a month at the minute. BTW I totally agree with the micromanage point you make, I'm busy enough I have my own business, 2 kids and all thier activities, my martial arts, lifting, extra studying I do and trying to lead in our relationship surely a 25 year old woman can sort her diet out ffs. Also going too hard on her (with the truth) will have the opposite effect, she's a stubborn bitch and will dig her heels in, I need to plant the seed. She already feels and knows she's getting fat because she gives me the "I'm so fat!"comfort test daily. I normally either stfu or say she's overweight but it's easily put right if she exercises. But she needs to decide herself that she wants to do it for her it's almost the same as" you cannot negotiate desire" Otherwise she'll go to the gym and practice fuckarounditis. Thanks for the input.

[–]SeamusAwl2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

You need to lead her in this area. I say that hypocritically as i am slacking in this area too. But i dont have a problem with my wife's weight (she is a big girl). This means you make the meal plan and you create the shopping list. It also means you take her out to exercise. If your gym has child care, use it. If not, find one that does.

[–]Soberskipper[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I do the shopping list and plan what days we eat what because of my gym routine. She will not exercise with me because apparently I'm a drill Sargent (I taught her to drive and it was an absolute nightmare). To be honest I pay next to nothing for my gym and it's open 24/7, the banter good and it holds plenty of classes she could join for fat burning there's no way I'm changing my routine for her. FUCK THAT. She will buy chocolate and shit from the shop and eat them regardless of what she's had for dinner. This is the main problem I think.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Imagine if someone was micromanaging you at the gym, how would you take it?

This is why I disagree with 'taking over everything' as leadership. Because if she wants to, she can sabotage it at every step.

Another story. Guy I worked with, partied every weekend, was late to work and hung over all the time. Bosses promoted him to watch leader. Never showed up hung over since. Pissed me off, as I was a straight arrow, did everything 100%, and he got the promotion ahead of me...

Responsibility for others straightens people out.

[–]Soberskipper[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is true. My own responsibilities helped me straighten out my desion making.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

Who buys the food?

[–]Soberskipper[S] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

She buys it, I make the list.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Ok, you need to really regulate the food entering the house. Eliminate the junk and you are already half way there. Also, you probably know this, but don't drink soda, juice, etc. Water should be all you drink, except for milk which is really a food.

[–]Soberskipper[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

The water point is one I make to her every single day. I don't like any juices apart from fresh orange juice,so I only drink water.

"what's the strongest animal in the jungle?" "a lion!" "what do lions drink?" "water!"

My grandmother used to say that to me when I was 6-7. It's always stuck.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

In my house soda and juice are referred to as candy.

[–]SepeanRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

That can backfire. My wife really drove the point home to our kids that candy, ice cream and all that stuff is "unhealthy".

For years they asked "I want something unhealthy".

[–]InChargeManRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don't see the backfire part.

[–]rocknrollchuck0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My wife works in a preschool. When she wants to encourage the kids to eat vegetables she asks them "Why do rabbits run so fast?" works every time!

[–]creating_my_life0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm late to the party, but I've wrestled with similar concepts. My wife has always been "average" weight, and I'm the one that has yo-yo'd up and down. Anyways, when I focus on eating better and healthier routines, I take control of the shopping, pantry, and menu.

My wife knows I'm serious when I walk into the pantry, and throw every bit of garbage food in the trash. All gone.

I can't snack on shit if it's not in the house.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I've introduced passive and heavy dread in the past 6 months(passive longer as I work with women) and it works on the sex front definitely but no reaction in the gym.

That is what they keep saying. Dread triggers a secret attraction trigger in women so it directly takes care of the low sex naturally because she wants you more. Dread doesn't help with the gym. Weird. It's almost like people will only do what they want to do.

How did you guys get your wives/girlfriends to step it up?

I didn't. If you wait for her to get just a bit fatter a safe and easy bariatric surgery would take care of your extra large problem (100 lbs overweight and/or 40 BMI). Sounds like yours is only 50 or 60 pounds in the trunk at most.

[–]Soberskipper[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Na she's nowhere near that size, I wouldn't allow it or I'd be gone. She looks good with clothes on, it's when they come off and everything flops and sags. I generally thought dread would work and give her the little shunt she needs. She does have low confidence and self esteem though maybe it's a bit of fear. Or laziness. She's seen the bitches in the gym, a few of them work at her company and I know they've had conversations about me....Maybe them conversations didn't go as I imagined lol.



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