Divorce with child(ren)?

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February 28, 2017

Heya. Just wanted some input on how did your divorce work out for you for those who have child(ren). My situation is 1 daughter and wife wants another -- I want another one too, just not with her unless things get really better.

Our first daughter came about when I realized 3 years ago that my wife had grown quite bored of the relationship, dead bedroom, no communication etc. I had a huge oneitis and thought that having a child together would make us all very close and happily ever after or something.

Of course I know nothing of this RP stuff or having children at that time and was a horrible beta. Looking back that's probably the worst decision I could've made but I love my daughter to bits and hence have zero regrets.

After RP awakening, I've come to realize that for the whole 6 years of us our relationship has been a certain way and there is a great possibility the dynamic in our relationship will not change to the way I want it to be.

Although I'm not there yet and there's still a long way to, me to grow and see how it affects this relationship. I need this information for my exit strategy. I keep telling myself that without resistance there is no growth and I will have to keep improving for at least a year before I can make such decision but this situation very likely may come to a crisis if I deny her having another child and I have in the past promised her that the next pregnancy deadline is 6 months from now. She made it clear after our first child that she wants more or gtfo.

Also, I can't help but feel trapped unless I can convince myself that it's ok to leave when I had enough.

So those of you who opted to eject, how did life work out for you? Regrets?

Supplement info, although it sure feels that way we're not really married, in our country when you live together you are technically called wife and husband and I started calling her my wife as sort of a joke when we had our daughter. But there will be no financial concerns for me aside from child support. Also I will probably get partial custody. She is a great mother and I would like to be a great father still.

Post Information
Title Divorce with child(ren)?
Author TaistoKarhu
Upvotes 6
Comments 14
Date 28 February 2017 09:08 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206477
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5wn0jx/divorce_with_children/
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[–]mrpthrowa8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy

What's your age and her age?

You say you're not there yet and there is still a long way for you to grow, so that should be your focus for now.

On your growth journey you will slowly come to realise whether fundamentally you want this woman to be with you or not. Realise that you're in this situation in no small part due to your own actions.

Don't give her a hard deadline on pregnancy. Hold your cards. Don't initiate the pregnancy discussion.

Once she brings it up, ignore once or twice (this awakens the hamster), eventually she will want a clear answer, tell her you would like children but not right now, because you're not sure about the relationship yet. Tell her you want things to improve. Don't argue. Just state it as a matter of fact and move on. Go broken record once, then move rooms or move outside for a bit. If she shows signs of too much discomfort, tell her you would like all your children to have the same mother, but it doesn't have to be that way - it's up to her.

That will make her hamster roll at full speed.

This is effectively you downgrading her in this relationship.

Time is on your side, so stop worrying. You can be 60 and your juice will still make babies.

As a couple, with age, you're getting better (higher SMV into your thirties and fourties), and she's only getting worse (lower SMV with age, biological possibility soon disappearing). She is acutely aware of this - don't bring it up.

Proceed to use this time to improve until you come into a position to decide.

If she has any sense she will slowly come around. Reward good behaviour, don't let your guard down and continue to imrpove. She will probably ask you specifically what you want - don't be afraid of giving clear commands as captain of the ship (e.g. I want us to never argue in front of the existing child).

You must also at some point make it clear in your mind at what point she would have redeemed herself. It's not clear what you're nt happy about - make sure she knows what you want. State what you want once - give her the option on the table and let her go to it on her own. Don't force it. It's her choice.

Through all of ths process, be firm, benelovent, don't talk too much, and keep your poker face. The person who cares least in this relationship has all the power.

You also appear to have mild anxiety over what she will feel like if you tell her no to pregnancy. Read when i say no i feel guilty. Be firm and proceed as stated earlier. The worse she will do is pack up and leave - not great loss, but realise no woman with a child ever does this unless she already has something on the side, in which case she's not a keeper anyway, and no high SMV man will take a woman with a child unless he was a loser or she was Emma Stone or something.

I am aware I haven't answered your divorce question - fact is, it's likely going to fuck you over, she will get custody, and likely some form of child payment and possibly maintenance if she is earning less or a stay at home mom. Doesn't mean you should never divorce, but you should do a lot of rsearch and have a full plan once you do.

Use this time to plot too.

Also you owe it to your child to try to fix what you fucked up - give that a try.

[–]Griever1140 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

In a similar situation but with no kids. This is great advice.

[–]Chump_No_More0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You say you're not there yet and there is still a long way for you to grow, so that should be your focus for now.

Agreed. The 'Stay Plan' is the same as the 'Go Plan'... always.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Isn't it fucking sad that our beta side wants marriage to work so bad that's we'really willing to birth an 18 year responsibility into the world on the hope it'll change things.

I did it twice before RP so I'm with you there. I mean I've always wanted to experience being a father...but I'd be lying if I said making the marriage "better" wasn't part of it.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Searxh divorce in search bar. Itll be more helpful than asking

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I can't help but feel trapped unless I can convince myself that it's ok to leave when I had enough.

No one on this sub can give you what you are asking for. The answer is only going to come from within you, as you work on yourself, over time.

The short cut to the answers you seek, are not here. There Is No Silver Bullet

Do your own work and come back another day.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do not have another child with this woman. Not under any circumstances. Not ever.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Do you really want to have a kid with someone who says "baby or gtfo?" She's not on your side.

My wife said the same thing. So I gave her a baby. Same situation as you. She was such a raging bitch after the first kid that I refuse to give her another one. She's been in a sour mood all week because my sister is pregnant.

Maybe I'll change my mind, but as long as the first pregnancy is fresh in my mind I doubt it.

Part of me knows it was a failure of leadership that caused our relationship to deteriorate. But there are two adults in the marriage and hormones are no excuse for bad behavior.

[–]mrpthrowa2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Reframe. It's not "baby or gtfo", it's "no baby, earn it or gtfo".

Also OP, just to be 100% safe, always use your own condoms. I wouldn't even fuck a woman who I 1% suspect of wanting to trap me with a pregnancy, but a redpill man is ruthless and leaves nothing to chance.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You may want to post this on the main Red Pill forum. Most of the experienced guys managed to turn it around with the wife so most of the experienced guys know little of divorce.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

As you know, kids are a lot of work and put a good deal of stress on your marriage. She is not on your team if she is demanding another child irregardless of your feelings. This is just a symptom of her general lack of respect for you, and can likely be reframed over time.

I would advise against having a child into a contentious, disrespectful relationship. I know because I did it twice, and its created a huge hill for me to climb to rebrand myself.

I know the feeling of being trapped too, I'm sure many of us here have felt it. There's no easy way to deal with this feeling. I've developed a conviction that I owe my children my presence and commitment, and I want to raise them. Now, I feel less trapped because I'm owning my decision to stay in the marriage. My wife can act poorly, but its still my decision to stay in the marriage, and I have a purpose for doung so.

[–]IBeMadToo0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Supplement info, although it sure feels that way we're not really married, in our country when you live together you are technically called wife and husband and I started calling her my wife as sort of a joke when we had our daughter.

So you aren't married? How can you divorce then? Just walk away but take care of your child if you aren't happy?

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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