Wife with questions

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January 5, 2017


Post Information
Title Wife with questions
Author misslaceylove2
Upvotes 6
Comments 29
Date 05 January 2017 01:53 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206691
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5m6hhh/wife_with_questions/
Similar Posts

[–]innominating2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

The SSRI killed his libido and chilled him out.

[–]nastynickdrRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Provided you are not a troll:

1) Check /r/RedPillWomen/

2) Anti depressants can screw libido / general will to do stuff

3) I dont know if he fought any real combat / killed people / saw people die, but if he did, this can really fuck a mans mind up. While he was in the army, he had all that "ideology" surrouding him, living it day by day, being reinforced daily, and now that hes retired its all gone, and he may be questioning himself "oh god what have I done!" If this is the case, what MAYBE could work is him seeing a professional and be willing to fix himself. You cant fix him.

4) You cant make him man up. You cant change him. Only he can do it, if he wants to and is willing to put in the work. Sometimes shit needs to happen for change to happen. Maybe what could MAY work is you giving him a copy of Married Man Sex Life Primer. But you cant force him to read it.

[–]misslaceylove2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

He was in real combat. I'm not sure if it's all connected and that's why his whole personality has shut down. I know I can't make him change. I've tried applying principles I've read in RPW, but it's not happening. He's not leading. And if I don't do, it doesn't get done. I've watched my nagging and I basically just orbit around him in our daily life letting him be. But I'm running out of ideas

[–]FrogTrainer1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

The VA's solution to everything is to prescribe pills. Get him off that shit and kick him in the ass.

Go to RPW and good luck!

[–]Griever1140 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Cannot upvote this enough. The VA nearly killed my father 3 times and succeeded on the 4th (from all the fucking damage they did on the first 3) from trying to pill him. Literally just threw pills at him before we got him off of ALL the pills except for ones that kept him alive from the damage those FUCKERS caused with the previous pills.

I have nothing but contempt for the VA.

The only thing that's gonna help is therapy so that he can either learn to live with himself or let it go.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

where are his mates?

[–]misslaceylove2[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

We moved back to his hometown a few years ago. He sees a few teammates regularly who live within an hour drive. But there's no one he talks to regularly. And I certainly wouldn't reach out to them about this.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

as a veteran I can tell you his teammates should know. I don't know how you go about doing that. The Wife Whisper line? Maybe. I don't know you'll know better based on your relationship with them.

I can't explain the bonding that goes on. It's beyond explanation but having been around it you may have a level of understanding.

I am not going to guess whats going on in his mind. I can tell you what was in mine when I left service. I left my brothers. We trained together bleed together and within seconds it was gone. I was no longer in the loop. I was no longer a captain in the Army. I was just...me. It's pretty humbling and I didn't deal well with it at first, but I eventually found my warrior spirit again, in part thanks to MRP.

He has to find a purpose and direction again. He has to find a mission. He's lost it. He knows how to do all this stuff, but he's lost purpose.

All the medical stuff that's going on are just obstacles. But he's lost his mission. my first step would be to reach out to his teammates. They have been there for him before and will be again. They will understand. Asking for help is not weakness.

[–]misslaceylove2[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

My husband is (was?) the type of man with private segregated parts of his life. I'm close to team wives, but I'm in no position to talk directly to his teammates like that. My husband would consider that a complete betrayal. I've considered reaching out to one teammate but I know if my husband found out I talked about our home life or his issues with anyone, he would be enraged. I think I could trust this person not to tell my husband, but if I'm wrong it may cause more problems.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

this is what yo need to negotiate. He has pride, that's for sure, so its likely he is holding a lot back. Which is now eating him up. Its a vicious circle where he doesn't want to appear weak so hides it but doesn't realize that hiding it is killing him.

Look it this way. This guy is a badass. Not sure what his MOS was before but he went through the Q Course. Robin Sage, served with the best the world has to offer. How many tours? He came out on top. he beat the odds, he did the dance and fucking took the trophy.

Trouble is he isn't saying what's bugging him. What's really going on? Now don't get me wrong I am not saying he needs to victim puke his feeling but he hasn't learned to reach out to his mates. They are the only ones that can help at this point.

They were there before they will be again. How you do it? no idea. I can't advise you here. The safe route seems to be use the spouse hotline. They will talk to their husbands and things should happen.

I don't think MRP is his problem. I think he's

  • 1. an alpha without a mission, a whole other sort of beast. Goes to long then he beta out.
  • 2. He needs help or to get something out, but is too prideful to ask for it. This is also common among the special operations community.

You can go to RPW, that will help YOU but i don't think it's the whole answer here. He was in the thick of the fight, likely some of the worst of it. He needs more then just Red Pill.

[–]misslaceylove2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I needed to hear this. Being without a mission makes sense and it's how I feel watching him. He's lost; but I don't know how to help him. What I have tried has made the situation worse. When I asked him last night if there was anything I could do to make him happier, he snapped "stop treating me like a faggot." He NEVER spoke like that before. For Christmas I bought him golf lessons. I thought he would enjoy this and it would give him time to be with other men. He said he's not interested and passed it off to our oldest son. I'm not sure how to help. I

I think he's bored in domestic life and finds doing civilian life suffocating. I get mad and think he's throwing it all on me, and then I wonder if he isn't able to handle things like the bank account because it's mundane.

[–]theunconquored0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I'll echo what a lot of others are saying here. He went through some real shit and changed, then changed some more when he started taking pills to deal with it.

One of my best friends is a retired Army Ranger. He went through these same sort of personality changes after his time in the sand. What finally helped him come out of it was getting heavily involved in CrossFit. Building brotherhood type of friendships with people through the mutual suffering of intense exercise helped him get off of the antidepressants and to face the reality of what he went through.

Your real husband is still in there, he's just covered under layers of shit. Get him into an intense exercise regimen (CrossFit, Brazilian JiuJitsu, or some other sort of Martial Art for example) with groups of men and encourage him to spend time with them outside of the gym as well. Then get him to a therapist with experience in PTSD or some sort of professional help with the goal of getting him off the pills.

He has to peel those layers back one by one, and you have to steer him and let him make the decisions.

[–]misslaceylove2[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

How to I suggest cross fit or these other activities in a non controlling seat? Thank you for the advice. We moved right after he retired and it was a sudden change in life and his connections

[–]theunconquored0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'd get in touch with these guys:


Ask for their advice on that. I'm not sure where you're from, but they are in MN and CO I believe. But even if you're not near them, they work with this exact sort of thing and I'm sure they'd have advice, or maybe even be willing to reach out to him. They unquestionably saved my buddy's life.

[–]Aaren_Augustine-3 points-2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Pretty stark picture to him shoving you and your sex life sucking 2 years into your 20 marriage. Posts in deadbedroom about your rape and rejecting husbands advances.

Did his recent cheating on you bring about all this "fixing" you are trying to do? Bring you out of the "years of maintenance duty sex"?

[–]misslaceylove2[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

I have no idea what your talking about. Our sex life didn't start sucking two years into our marriage and he's never raped me and I've never given duty sex.

[–]Aaren_Augustine1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

It aligns with misslaceylove...without the 2.

[–]misslaceylove2[S] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

Still don't understand.

[–]Aaren_Augustine2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

my mistake

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

looks like there is a user with a very similar userID who has posted to deadbedrooms. This account is BRAND new and has not ever posted anything. Dude put two and two together and maybe got 5. It happens.

[–]jeezydasnowman-3 points-2 points  (1 child) | Copy

You can't negotiate attraction. If you were a guy we would say ramp up the dread. I recommend you post on rpw.

I would become the storming bitch. If he's not gonna fuck give him hell til he divorces you or starts putting out.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Jesus that's terrible advice

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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