Keep failing shit tests

Sepean · 2016-11-22T07:54:59+00:00

And it kind of seemed like she was trying to smoke me out as a selfish asshole, so AM didn't seem appropriate either.

This sentence here highlights everything that is wrong about your frame and your understanding of shit tests.

First, your frame. A major part of having frame is that you're perfectly ok that other people don't like how you act or are inconvenienced by what you want. Say it: IDGAF. Not an angry IDGAF; it's said indifferently, with a smirk. IDGAF. When someone's pissed at your and saying you're a selfish asshole, don't feel that this is something you have to defend yourself against.

Second, stop listening to what she says. The only relevance that the words of a shit test have is something to hook with your A&A. Her words don't signal what she likes and doesn't like, they are not instructions on how you build a happy life together, and there is certainly no way to use them in a rational debate. She calls you a "selfish asshole" because that's a very negatively loaded phrase that can be applied to dominant behavior; she's just trying to push your buttons to see if you'll cave or if you really have some frame.

It is not irrational stupidity, it is advanced psychological manipulation and you're still falling for it. What you have to do is play the same game; don't get suckered into a debate, use the same kind of tactics (except the male version, they're bitchy and we're cocky). Tease her with AM and A&A. Or at least STFU.

So grow some frame. Be ok with what you want and how you are. Stop listening to her.

redearththeory · 2016-11-22T10:56:11+00:00

This is the best guide on passing shit tests I've found. It helped me a lot in early days. That covers the technical test/response element.

But also look at the emotional element. Since passing shit tests is as technically simple as smiling and walking away, an inability to pass shit tests usually stems from an inability defy a woman in the presence of her disapproval. Work on the technical and the emotional side of it.

ForeplayOrFelony · 2016-11-22T13:19:24+00:00

How long have you been studying TRP?

At this point in the journey don't worry about passing Shit Tests. You need to study them, so you can (1a) see them coming (1b) recognize them and (2) devise on the fly an effective strategy to pass them.

As I tell myself and others, "not everything deserves a response."

Before you worry about responding to Shit Tests. Part of building your Frame is learning to STFU. If you feel you have to respond to anything from your wife or anyone - well then YOUR Frame is absolute shit. Also in addition to STFU - we're all here because we're weak Beta fucks anyways, so if you haven't been doing this long you need to learn to find some amusement in the behavior of women. Just laugh, give her a peck, slap her on the ass and walk away (go lift, go read, go do something). Seriously.

Scurvemuch · 2016-11-22T13:31:30+00:00

Here is a thought excersize for you.

Pick 5 things she does, says, in general / theme that turn into shit tests. Get your DEER out on paper before hand. Put down all of it. Write down the rage, the bitterness, the pain and the butt-hurt. Treat this like homework. Then start cutting out words and sentences that do not match what you actually want to communicate. Keep going until you got the least number of words and the highest number of actions. Then re write this separately. Keep going until you have a script.

Maybe this will help initially.

note: I have not tried this in this manner. I am pretty sure I have done it in my head. Try it out.

UEMcGill · 2016-11-22T14:02:37+00:00

Women are innately equipped to deal with emotional conflict and relationship interactions in a way we aren't. Don't get down on yourself because you've gotten knocked out after sparing with Conor McGregor when you've had 2 days of MMA training.

Let's address these issues from the point of WISNIFG:

"Most of everything you do is self centered"

You are letting her judgment of your actions guide your feelings. Let go of that. There's only one judge of your actions and that's you. The answer to this is not AA or STFU it is:

"I feel like I need to be my own advocate" [I STATEMENT]

If your fast on your feet, you can add "Hmm, I can see why you think I'm acting selfish, but what is it that I do specifically that makes you think that?" [NEGATIVE INQUIRY]

I finally just said "this is enough" and walked away.

This was actually a good decision. You have every right to have a conversation on your own terms. If you feel like you are getting bombarded by verbal jujitsu 100% acceptable to take a time out. Just don't run from it and avoid it.

Where you fucked up was:

"give me a hug. None of this bothers me. I'm going to keep getting better". Hugged and kissed her with a smile. "We'll try this again another time".

Essentially the message was "I feel bad and don't want to talk anymore"

We used to have these arguments and I would get livid with her and her irrational stupidity. This time I'm just as pissed off, but its with myself. I'm nearly three months in and I can't figure this portion of it out well at all.

Don't be too hard on yourself. It's ok. You've made progress and you are now aware. Remember she is the storm and you are the oak; her needs are for you to be a strong but bending oak to her emotional storm.

In lifting we see it all the time, "How do I get a better bench?"; more bench silly. Practice, practice and practice until it becomes second nature. The other side you need to do is learn how to fail at a lift. If you can push heavy weight and get out of it, then you now know how to keep pushing. Add those two together and you have a strong feed back loop for improvement. It's the same for dealing with your wife.

drty_pr · 2016-11-22T13:22:36+00:00

I'm going to keep getting better

I'd avoid this for the foreseeable future. With a frame this soft, it comes off as bullshit. You need the so called "monk mode" man. Talk to her about logistics and fun stuff. When the shit tests come (they always will), STFU and go do something. Go to a friends place, go lift, go to the garage, shit clean a closet your sick of looking at. DO NOT ENGAGE IN HER FRAME UNTIL YOU ARE 100% READY!

Triadis3 · 2016-11-22T05:01:44+00:00

Self - centered?

Own it. "yes, I've decided to work on myself." You don't owe her an explanation.

Just want sex?

Many many answers to this common shit test. Might actually be THE shit-test.

"You should only be worrying when I don't want you for sex."

"No, I like the way you make sammiches. In fact, go make me one now"

" I'm also with you because your sisters' cute too."

You're still treating her words as something you need to respond to. Treat her like the emotion seeking little girl she is.

There's a golden post here about how discourse is optional. Read it.

But above all. STFU.

mrpthrowa · 2016-11-22T09:20:57+00:00

You sound like you get butthurt because of what (you think) she thinks. Why do you fucking care?

stonepimpletilists · 2016-11-22T13:55:02+00:00

You care too much about validation and approval. Don't even worry about looking for pithy comebacks right now, worry about some confidence in your fucking life.

Also, you are treating masculinity as something you need to be ashamed of. Fuck it. Yeah, you're an asshole, yeah, you're selfish. so what.

Next time, try one word answers

"So?"

stops this whole questionning in it's tracks

RP_SuitScholar · 2016-11-22T15:42:36+00:00

So? You've been failing shit tests for years before you found the Red Pill. New guys always stress about this. Don't. If you fail a shit test just laugh it off and don't fail the same one again next time.

She's just a woman. Does it make you mad when a little kid talks back?

pirateninj4 · 2016-11-22T15:44:37+00:00

You're trying too hard.

Example: "Most of everything you do is self centered."

Agree: Fuck yea it is.

Amplify: Everything I do is self centered.

FireTempered · 2016-11-22T16:04:22+00:00

I watched the TV show Lucifer last night. Great examples of frame, and great examples of it making women wet. The writer for the show, is either RP or DT or both. You might give it look…..

BluepillProfessor · 2016-11-24T00:31:41+00:00

There should be a book on the sidebar about not feeling guilty when other people criticize you. Maybe even explain how you can tell other people "no" without feeling guilty.

FireTempered · 2016-11-22T05:34:49+00:00

First, the good news. You walked away when you finally realized you had been ambushed.

Second, more good news, you are able to recognize what you are doing wrong.

Since making your changes is a trial and error process, you just had a trial, you made some errors and you live to game another day.

You are not required to even talk to her unless you want to. You can always, leave the room, go to sleep, or leave the house; then finish the discussion later. Best

Alpha_Rising · 2016-11-22T17:44:54+00:00

Am I wrong in seeing those statements ("Most of everything you do is self centered" and "You're just making time for us when you want to have sex") as comfort tests rather than shit tests? It seems what she's asking for is more concern for her and more time for her. Those sound like comfort test statements, not shit test statements. But I'm still learning, so please correct me if I'm wrong.

SDSAM21 · 2016-11-23T04:44:33+00:00

IMHO a man DEER's when he still GAF. Just wait til you can look at her sex denial as Mogwa when white bitch jumped off the cliff in "last of the Mohicans." You shrug it off and make a Bill Burr ham sandwich on her or right in front of her. She needs you more than you need her. You just don't know it yet.

Title	Keep failing shit tests
Author	prarrott
Upvotes	6
Comments	26
Date	November 22, 2016 4:28 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5e8syy/keep_failing_shit_tests/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/keep-failing-shit-tests.206848 https://theredarchive.com/post/206848

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