Right time to have kids?

Alpha_Rising · 2016-07-29T23:15:58+00:00

I have five kids. Let me be brutally honest:

Until you have kids, it is impossible to even begin to understand how much having kids turns your marriage and life upside down. Right now it's just you and your wife. Your relationship has been based on your romance as boyfriend-girlfriend, lovers, husband and wife. It's a wonderful phase of life. A wonderful phase that should not be cut short and that should be extended and enjoyed as long as possible.

Why? Because, as you will discover after it's too late, your romance-based relationship will die and become a domestic-business-partner-type relationship as soon as you have a kid. Right now your wife can focus on you, care about you, want to please you, etc. As soon as a kid comes along, you're pretty much off her radar. She'll become obsessed with the child/ren and you'll take the back seat in her care and concern. She'll stop seeing herself as a sexual woman and will instead increasingly see herself as a nonsexual mom. You'll become domestic business partners constantly arguing over who should have to do this or that.

Right now you two are free as birds and can be spontaneous and travel. You can fuck in every room and have loud sex without having to worry about waking up the kids. Kiss that all goodbye when you have little kids. You'll be lucky if you can get out of the house just to eat at fucking Pizza Hut. Don't get me wrong: kids are great, but they're also a huge pain in the ass.

The great irony of life is that kids ruin marriages, and at the same time kids keep marriages together--people in loveless marriages stay married just for the kids.

Personally, I think you're crazy for wanting a bunch of kids. Take it from the guy who has five of them. I would give my life for each of them without a thought. But to be brutally honest, if I were to live my life over again, there's no fucking way I'd have five kids again.

I'd have one or two, starting in my mid-30s.

You and your wife should live it up for another 8, 9, or 10 years. There'll be plenty of time in the future for changing shitty diapers at 3 a.m. and not having sex.

tim_rp · 2016-07-29T22:49:21+00:00

What's your mission in life and how does supporting a wife and 5 kids fit in with that picture?

redearththeory · 2016-07-30T06:32:01+00:00

She'll be a good mother if her mom is a good indication.

How is she right now, with you, as a wife? Does she admire you, respect you and fuck you like you want? If you're not getting what you want from this woman, now is the last chance you will have to find another one. Marriages can be ended, finances can be separated. That's all a piece of cake compared to risking your ability to spend time with the most precious things in the world to you. Most of the guys you find here who are really stuck in marriages to terrible women are trapped because of their kids.

What do you want from her OP? Most guys want good sex, respect and some domestic effort. Are you getting that now? If not, do the smart thing and go find a woman who will give it to you.

dandar4600 · 2016-07-30T12:31:37+00:00

I think it's a sound idea. Personally having a kid in my early 30s (wife mid 20s) and second at 40 (wife mid 30s) it was easier on both of us when we were younger. Sleep deprivation wasn't such a big deal, house was smaller (back then rented a 2bd condo vs owning a 3bd house now.) Also by the time you're 40 the kids are reared and in school. It's just easier if you have them early.

Having said that, as /u/Alpha_Rising has mentioned kids DO turn you life upside down. I have a 9 yo daughter and 7 months ago my wife gave a birth to a baby boy (got her pregnant when we were fucking like rabbits a few months after I discovered the red pill.)

Women or at least my wife just has this innate ability to care for the baby. To calm it down to get it to sleep. It's SO easy to defer it to her on this which leads to deferring on everything else which leads to her leading the household ... and eventually divorce rape. You really have to be on your game not to fall into that trap. Segment the baby care from the house care. The lead in the baby department from the lead where the ship is headed.

Also kids are fucking expensive. Between formula, diapers, first solids, pacifiers, bottles, wipes, clothes that he outgrows on what seems like weekly basis, doctor visits, car seats, etc, etc it's a fucking fortune. Never mind that, my 9 yo camp, gymnastics, ballet, clothes, ipad, etc, etc and she costs just as much if not more than the baby. I could not have afforded those expenses when I was younger.

Start with one then see how that plan for 5 holds up. When I was getting married both of us wanted 3. My wife said she was done after the first one. No wonder, I was in my senior year of college when the first was born ( went to college at 28) and turned into fat, full time beta. No shit she was done after one. Thanks to TRP the second is here but now that I'm 40 I am done.

SteelToeShitKicker · 2016-07-30T14:00:16+00:00

Postpone for a few years and pay down that mortgage. 400k is nothing on 150k/year, you will be a frazzled motherfucker having to come up with that monthly nut on 70k. And you have kids, wife will want to upgrade to bigger house maybe with a yard (might not be avail in taiwan).

And you haven't paid off debt. You may have paid off some debt, but you just took out a new big ass loan. Welcome back to the grind.

GargantuaBlarg29 · 2016-07-30T00:57:10+00:00

What? How? How does this have anything to do with MRP? Are you that air headed that you cannot decide for yourself when to have kids? That you post on a forum for male sexual strategy for opinions on when? Dude this isn't a tea party. We're not a bunch of dudes sitting around eating crumpets gossiping with limp wrists. Would you walk into a locker room of sweaty football players and say "hey guys when do you think the right time to have kids is?" There are proper reddit forums where you can discuss this shit but it isnt here.

(Checks post history) oh. Okay. Troll. Got me. Gotta start paying better attention.

The_Litz · 2016-07-29T22:12:52+00:00

She, she, she. Go ask her if it is ok to go and ask r/personalfinance because askMRP asked you right back: What do you want?

How much you make is irrelevant. I know broke asses that are high earners and land barons on lunch money.

Something to consider, where are you going to keep 5 kids in a 2 bedroom flat?

redmountainpill · 2016-07-29T22:14:55+00:00

If you want kids, have kids. Make sure you really, really, really want this woman in your life forever. If there's any red flags, think seriously before you have kids. I'd make sure your marriage is a redpill marriage for at least a year until you take the plunge. Make sure you are strong, confident, and OI, because she WILL go crazy when she's pregnant and breastfeeding. After assessing if your wife is willing to be led, and that you've established a good track record of being a leader, then by all means have kids with her.

Now, onto the separate topic of stay-at-home motherhood. I think it sucks for women. Their whole identity becomes wrapped up in raising the perfect little children and having the perfect little home. And it sets you up to be divorce raped. I'd encourage her to set herself up to at least work 2 days per week after having kids. It lets her have an outlet outside the house, and it will establish that she has some earning potential. She'll probably be less neurotic.

FRedington · 2016-07-30T00:13:06+00:00

What you are describing is how your grandparents did it. That is not going to work in this day and age. Worse, if you have 5 kids and for whatever reason (AWALT) she divorces you, you will be so impoverished that you would be a high risk for suicide.

Just don't fuckin' do it.

Title	Right time to have kids?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	1
Comments	24
Date	July 29, 2016 9:24 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/4v8xgt/right_time_to_have_kids/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/right-time-to-have-kids.207286 https://theredarchive.com/post/207286

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