I'm 38, my wife 34. We have a 14 month old child. I'm American, she's French, we live in an Asian country. I'm 175cm, 75kg.
I found the pill about 2 months ago. I've read through NMMNG, doing the activities and have formed a men's group to meet and talk. Currently reading WISNIFG. I've been doing stronglifts for 3 weeks. I have trouble discerning shit tests from comfort tests from genuine needs. Also, I have no fucking clue how to game my wife. I realize recently how little I touch her.
Since September, my wife has claimed to want to separate 4 times. The first 2 times this happened, it threw my world into a tailspin. Since reading and digesting the pill, I see things differently, but I am still not full RP because I am still scared of her emotional storms. Right now, the big reason for not wanting her to leave is my son. Like I said, we are from different countries, living in the Far East, and if we separate, I'm not sure how long she'll be in this country, and as of now, I don't know any way to keep her from leaving with him without my consent. This is the reason I want to keep her on the ship.
The first instance was predicated on her having a crush on someone else and wanting to fuck him. Of course, I set a hard boundary there, telling her to cut all contact, which she did. Subsequent snooping on my part has revealed no other signs of contact with this man or anyone else. I feel confident about this because my wife is not the sharpest tool in the shed and doubly dull when it comes to technology. The first instance for calling for separation was the only time that someone else was the reason, but she has had the i'm-not-attracted-to-you talk with me before. It hurt, but I get it, and I am taking action to better myself.
Yesterday, she says she's confused about staying or going. And I know I fail because I engage. I'm not very good at STFU. Also, I'm angry at her for being an entitled cunt, but mostly at myself for failing to be a good captain. So I enjoyed pointing out all the logical (yes, I know, pointless) reasons that she's acting like a spoiled teenager. Surprisingly, she agrees with some of what I have to say.
So on her way out today, she says something about trying to speak up for herself more often and maybe this will ease her urges to leave.
I told her that it was unacceptable for me, that I would not accept living with a woman who could go at any moment, when her hamster spins her some bullshit. Either she's leaving now or she's staying until the end of the year, my son's 2nd birthday, and then we can both reassess where we are and what we want out of the relationship. This sort of wishy washy blowing in the wind is not acceptable for me or for my son. I use the 2nd birthday of my son because it will give me time to fully digest the pill and become a better captain.
She said she will think about it and tell me on Monday. I said no, she can tell me on Sunday night. She agreed.
My question is...what the fuck am I doing?
I get that my mental readiness to next her is crucial to RP, but honestly b/c of my son and her potential to leave with him, that is the last thing I want. After RP, I understand that I cannot trust her to make the best decision for my son, which is to be near his father.