So I'm all awesome and shit. Unplugged a year ago, and have been making huge gains in every way. Some areas need work, but that's just me being impatient. Fuck yeah!
I'm doing to much lurking on MRP/RP/Ask(M)RP so decide to revisit the books. Sex God method was nice reinforcement and affirmation. I'm on track. Check.
Then I get into NMMNG. No prob. YAWN. I've read this already... wait! Fuck. I'm on page 60 and I'm having pangs of dissonance. WTF. It's hitting me on all fronts. It hurts the feels to read. I try three times to text the wife for comfort and reassurance. But my new programming kicks in. STFU! Don't jizz your insecure feels all over her. Man up. Take the beating. It's a cold shower that will make you stronger... fuck.
The book tells me to accept who i am and share. Not to put up walls. That by hiding my imperfect self, i create walls and stifle intimacy. But i need to be Alpha. I need to be self nurturing. I should fake it till i make it. This cunnundrum was a no brainer two hours ago.
So. I'm not nearly as far along as I thought. So I'm gonna STFU and keep reading.
So basically, this vomit post is to substitute my wife with all of you for the reassurance and validation i have not yet learned to provide myself. Yuk. I feel small and gross.