Crying and vulnerability

StingrayVC · 2018-10-17T11:53:05+00:00

You show vulnerability because you're vulnerable. This;

calming him down by shedding tears and showing vulnerability is a very feminine and rp way to make him more receptive to your opinion.

is manipulation.

Kara__El · 2018-10-17T12:14:39+00:00

This is emotional blackmail. Being submissive doesn't mean acting like a child.

jack_hammarred · 2018-10-17T12:22:39+00:00

Vulnerability is the correct response, but being vulnerable =\= forcing or allowing yourself to cry.

Let’s assume the man has been properly vetted, and is a high value man who more than merits submitting to and following. This man likely won’t fly off the rails for no reason, for the most part anything that angers him is a matter that should be attended to seriously. In this case, being vulnerable will allow you to get to the heart of the conflict, open yourself up to understand what he’d like to see changed, and demonstrate a heart of submission so he can have confidence that you’ll help work to improve the situation.

You shouldn’t wield your emotions to gain the upper hand and make him stop expressing his. The man is expressing emotion, and (assuming he isn’t a heathen) that’s a good thing.

toothfairy222 · 2018-10-17T12:18:58+00:00

During arguments when I get too hurt , I used to just burst into tears to make it stop. But you know it just comes off as pathetic or makes him feel guilty, which makes the situation worse because he is equally hurt and yet I get to be the victim. Not very fair. I found that the best way to deal with it is calm down and just be kind, mature. Crying is not feminine it's childish .

GingerDoughGirl · 2018-10-19T12:16:56+00:00

I feel like here is where red pill barely makes sense for women. We are supposed to be the more emotional sex but crying seems to be viewed as so manipulative and awful. So, women are manipulative for having feelings and showing them? Even though being emotional is a feminine trait and red pill women are supposed to be feminine? It's like the real message is that women are supposed to look feminine but pretend to hold frame like a man at all times. I'm not buying into this premise. Men who want emotionless women who never seem anything but happy either want robots or secretly want to date a red pill guy who has awesome frame...I also feel bad for all you ladies with guys who get angry and can't be comforting because of their own emotional responses to a woman crying. I would not want to marry a man with so little emotional intelligence...

GingerDoughGirl · 2018-10-19T12:42:22+00:00

Also thought to add...how does he react to my tears? My fiance is pretty much the only person on this planet who gets to see me vulnerable enough to shed tears. He knows that I hold frame like a boss in almost all of my social interactions in real life, and with him I remove that mask and show the full vulnerability underneath, which includes tears no one else sees. This is special to him and he often encourages me to stop trying to act so tough and just let it out. He wants to be a protector and comforter. He wants to be a shield that gives me a place to be soft and in touch with my feelings. I don't cry to manipulate. I cry because I genuinely feel something and it's something most people will never witness from me...my fiance does and I love him for being such a strong presence that I can feel safe being real.

Ironiaton · 2018-10-17T13:06:09+00:00

I definitely have a problem with this. I find it extremely hard to cry no matter how hurt I feel during argument. I hide my pain and attack back. I'm shit scared that he will make fun of my tears, thinking that they are manipulation. And he has done this before.

I definitely have some huge issues with letting myself be vulnerable. It's on my rp-self-development list...

[deleted] · 2018-10-17T13:54:35+00:00

Vulnerable, yes. Crying, no. At best it’s highly manipulative and he falls for it but you feel guilty because you know it’s manipulative. At worst, he sees right through it and you get slapped with “stop acting like a child” and full fledged disgust like I got in my last relationship.

Ariel125 · 2018-10-17T15:27:59+00:00

My DH is very fair and gentle when he’s angry, but still I can’t help but cry! I’m not being manipulative, but I can’t help it!! Then he gets mad because I’m crying and making him feel bad for being mad, lol. Good thing we only have arguments like once a year or less. But I still feel guilty for always breaking down in tears when it happens. I don’t want him to feel worse... I want to be able to have an adult conversation during an argument!

kaylin_xx3 · 2018-10-17T15:44:05+00:00

I am an angry crier. If my husband and I are arguing and I cry, it's because I'm mad or he said something very hurtful. If my husband gets angry I typically try to give him space after I've said what I need to say, I will apologize if applicable. And while I may cry, I have never, and will never, cry on purpose to "make him more receptive to my opinion." That is manipulation. I use my words to get my point across.

Hartley7 · 2018-10-17T20:01:38+00:00

I don't think that there's anything wrong with crying if you're hurt. I agree that showing vulnerability can be very feminine.

ClearBolt · 2018-10-25T05:14:58+00:00

If you fake vulnerability to win petty arguments he will either realize you are doing that or he will or not. If he keeps trusting your displays he is going to think you are weak and incapable of handling emotionally tense situations, if he disbelieves the way you are acting than it just means when you are actually vulnerable there is suspicion. Either way you lose.

There may be genuine times when it is a good idea to manipulate someone emotionally, say guiding them subtly to a better path. But it doesn't sound like you are talking about that.

Title	Crying and vulnerability
Author	LaneysWorld2
Upvotes	0
Comments	13
Date	October 17, 2018 9:37 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/9ox4s7/crying_and_vulnerability/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/crying-and-vulnerability.208354 https://theredarchive.com/post/208354

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