Do men in Western society who miss out on young love (high school and college) and sex ever mentally recover?

iggybdawg · 2014-10-25T07:32:36+00:00

What do you mean by "mentally recover"?

I didn't have sex until right after I graduated college, and one noticeable side-effect is that I can't love a woman who won't have sex with me. However, I don't really care to "fix" that.

chivalry_augustus · 2014-10-25T16:24:44+00:00

Not without a very strong will. The problem isn't missing out on young sex (love is just an irrelevant term here, it's young sex and only the sex that matters to young men), it's the feeling of shame and rejection that follows you into later life. It's the stigma that surrounds the ageing male virgin, that he's unworthy in every way, irrespective of his personal success. This culminates in a pressure that comes both from within and without; the sense, first of all, of a personal shame, at having come up short in relationships when there are likely guys vastly inferior in every way who have rode their way through woman after woman, then, second but no less important, the shame that is exerted on you from without, with society judging you by your lack of experience with women, and thrusting upon you once again the personal shame.

And thereafter it becomes a vicious cycle. It doesn't matter if you become wealthy and good-looking, even successful with women, because even if that does happen, you have a realisation of truth in the shallowness of women. It might be that you were always good-looking, but you just weren't masculine or dominant or alpha enough, or, as is much more likely the case, extroverted or interesting enough, to hook the opposite sex's attention. That does not matter, if you are inexperienced when you are young, you will ALWAYS believe that you are ugly. That will be a millstone around your neck for a very long time, and there is no force on earth that can shift the weight of a decade of dwindling self-belief as you told yourself that you were ugly, simply because that was a belief reinforced by the rest of society.

But nobody ever tells a man he is good-looking. And nobody really cares if a man is lacking in self-confidence or not. Each successive generation from here on will present more of these men, who are, as you allude to, facing a long and difficult recovery from being incel. And it's awful for men, because it's perfectly possible to go a decade without the touch of a woman, if not more - look at the sidebar for Michael's Story, and you have just one poignant example. And involuntary celibacy repeats itself by its very nature - if you're not good with women, women don't want you. If women don't want you, other women don't want you. They just want to know what's wrong with you. And if women don't want you, you subconsciously believe that women are never going to want you, and that women think you're ugly. It will poison EVERY element of your life.

The reason why men aren't likely to recover from that is because of a combination of factors. It's a dogfight to get out of it, for a start. You have to work so hard on bringing value to yourself, on finding happiness, because it's only through finding happiness that you can begin to build a life that is perceived as attractive. Happiness is so elusive if you don't have the interest of the opposite sex. Heterosexual men need a sexual release, it's biological. Building happiness as an incel? Fuck, that's a mountain, that's an Everest. That's where the difficulty begins. But, building an attractive lifestyle isn't that hard, compared to the other factors.

Bitterness, that's what kills most of all. Do you know that guy who was unlucky in love at the start of life and became a full on jackass who hate fucks women? He's borderline red pill, yes, but he genuinely hates women. He hates them because he couldn't fuck them in his prime. When he's with a woman, he's treating them all with the disdain they treated him, when he was young, virile, and nice. He probably hates himself as well because of all that accumulated self-hatred I talked about earlier. His insecurity is built up over a lifetime, you can't blame him. He hates that he changed so much, and he hates that the nicest manifestation of himself had to be broken just to get satisfaction. You have to be carefully taught to hate ...

Then, there's the apathy. Why bother about women when their perception of quality in a man is not worth a damn? Why "slay" pussy in your late-20s/30s when that same pussy has been slain multiple times, for far less effort than you had to put in to get there? Why take washed-up pussy when you could never get your hands on youthful pussy, when it turned you down time and again? Now that it's got a few tattoos above and around it, and some stretch-marks, and is willing to drop to your level, do you really want it anyway? Yes, maybe you can turn it all around so much that you're getting high-quality girls, but PLEASE, don't other guys project their life experiences on other men.

So, you see, it's hard. You know those women who hate on bitter men, who hate women? They will never understand. Life for them is a cakewalk relative to the hordes of thoroughly decent guys who have been turned down, repeatedly, by woman after woman, and have developed complexes and insecurities so convoluted that they make that bulimic psycho borderline suicidal bitch who is about the archetype of a modern woman look sane. But, nobody gives a shit about a man who is struggling emotionally because he cannot sate his physical needs. Woman don't give a fuck if you're an incel because an incel is a loser. And that's what you'll always see in the mirror if you didn't succeed sexually when you were young.

It takes a mighty character to emerge from that without having been warped profoundly. The scarcity of my youth has destroyed me, personally. Not in the sense that I am beyond saving, but in the sense that I shall never be a decent human being again. I know that sounds awful, but ultimately, and this is a warning to any young men out there, there is no strength in valour, in decency. Women will only ever see your sense of moral duty as a weakness, and they will exploit it accordingly. Women are cunning and they can generally surmise your motivations, if not your character.

needless_pickup_line · 2014-10-25T07:47:05+00:00

The truth is that it will never be a better place to hook up with a large number of attractive girls as it is in high school and college, but it's not the end of the world if you didn't slay pussy then.

I think it's a combination of rose tinted glasses painting an idyllic picture of high school (easy classes, close friends, tons of free time) along with regret about how they handled themselves. I think every RP man would do things differently if they went back to high school. But there's no reason you can't do it big now. Shit, you can just hop on Tinder if it's the young pussy you want.

The old football star who circles the parking lot in his letterman is no less pathetic than the guy who constantly fantasizes about going back and "doing it right". Whether it was great or shit, you can't live in the past. You can only move forward.

skoobled · 2014-10-25T07:50:43+00:00

My first gf (at 17) was/is a nut job, but THANK GOD for her. Had my first kiss and first blowjob in the first night because of her crazy ass. Virginity lost soon after. This definitely made life a lot easier although my college years were pretty dry

Knew a guy at uni who turned into quite a big player even though he started a Virgin...

But after uni/college? Tricky. A lot of people think the experimentation years are over and would expect certain experiences...

raceAround126 · 2014-10-25T09:11:16+00:00

I'd say yes. I have a couple of new plates now. I've been through a few plates already. Frankly, if any one of them got run over by a bus, I doubt I'd care all that much. I knew a good few girls growing up, I was nice to them under the strict guidance of my female role models. Nobody once even suggested that this was the wrong thing to do. Naturally, I was left behind in the ditch only to have to be that ear of comfort later when shit would go wrong for them and they'd need to bitch and cry. When shit went wrong for me, exactly how many of those same girls were there for me? Yep, nada one.

I spent 8 years in a sexless relationship where I was shamed and called all manner of things under the sun should my want for sex come up. Yep, rapist, predator... shit, I though rapists actually "got some" if you catch my drift. And if dinners, movies, holidays etc. is me being predatory, then fucking hell...

I have discovered, since reading TRP and becoming entirely disillusioned with modern women, that being nice in any way is showing weakness and will not be tolerated. So I don't. The easiest way is to genuinely give not two fucks. Anytime I've genuinely given a shit, it was abused almost instantly.

So in reality, I use girls for what they want to be used for. A body I fuck and nothing more. The reality is, I'm far happier as I've learned not to chase companionship from girls. They're not capable of it. I hang out with friends or do shit on my own when I want companionship.

mykonos_rm · 2014-10-25T18:31:05+00:00

I never went to prom, didn't get laid until 22 - and it was with a fat chick.

After taking some initiative to learning game and eventually securing a six figure salary at 28 I've been on a bender lately that's ranging on borderline vindictive. Even though I have girlfriend, I cheat on her with a new girl every week over tinder or when out with friends. I thought I was trying to play catch up for my "lost years", but I find that when I'm out with my coworkers or typical brahs, shit turns into a competition. It's like fucking crossfit. Suddenly its not enough to just fuck the hottest girl I can pull at the bar, no- she has to have some social stature, boyfriend/husband etc to make the conquest more rewarding. Long story short, it's not about the sex, if it were I'd just chill with my girlfriend. No, its about the conquest.

Also, I read one other response and I want to be emphatic that I don't hate-fuck women and I don't consider myself bitter.

ShinyBrah · 2014-10-25T07:50:15+00:00

For the most part, I don't think most do truly recover unless they're Blue Pill and still believe in a One True Love^TM

I was this kind of guy growing up. Growing up in high school, I was far too beta and ugly (judging by how people from high school reacted after seeing me 2 years after) girls would friendzone/use me or just look at me with pure disgust. Going through that for 80% of my life did leave me with emotional damage. I found the PUA and eventually the Manosphere because I just wanted to be loved and accepted.

Now that I've become a lot better looking, confident and masculine, I'm still bitter and depressed over my past and even my present. I find it hard to open up or trust women again because when I did that as a teenager, it always ended badly for me. As an adult, I'm pretty scared of committing to women and the only "relationship" I've ever had was a 1 month thing back when I was 16 that ended because I was too clingy and BP.

Deaddpooll · 2014-10-25T14:43:51+00:00

Get rich and have an awesome career

The amount of chicks you'll get in your 30s will put college guys to shame.

Girls are everywhere, you just have to be alpha enough.

Even in colleges only the football jocks fuck all the chicks.

2014-10-25T10:18:59+00:00

I missed out on sex in high school. I was working all of high school for a ROTC scholarship, and you choose three out of four: grades,sports, sleep, women. i remember kissing and making out in middle shool and grindingn was a lot better than it is now. theres an emptines that will never be filled in between making out and sex, or a quality highschool girlfriend. nothing better than knowing a girls past, if any, and know you are the best shes had. you dont get that without whorefaxes on these liberal whores in college. as gay as it sounds, my first kiss to a great gf was 1000x better than losing my virginity to a slut

tl;dr no

kanaduhisfruityeh · 2014-10-25T11:39:13+00:00

Do women who get cocked down and passed around like doobies when they're in high school and college ever recover? No, no they don't. They may marry a beta but they'll never really be capable of loving him because they're dead on the inside and will probably cheat/divorce-rape him in the end.

Shaft-of-Patriarchy · 2014-10-25T12:21:53+00:00

I certainly never did.

I slay reasonable pussy. But its always at the older end of the spectrum because I look way older than my years and for some reason young women just dont go for me.

I roll in the 26-32 age range. I'm 29 in a couple of weeks.

But I can't ever recover mentally from that first decade of sexual viability (14-24) and the total distain with which I was treated.

Its never going to go away, and its why I can't stay faithful, I can't be happy with one woman. And I can't be happy with the kind of women I can lay. I need women in the barely legal category (here that's 16-19). And I can't get them. And it gets to me.

I'm sure its all kinds of fucked up, but I am where I am. I can't seem to stop wanting it

2014-10-25T15:30:23+00:00

Short answer: No.

The "abundance mentality" that RPers talk about develops in early adolescence. I remember a guy at my first job who was actually annoyed with the attention he got from girls. His psyche and worldview are going to be totally different than some poor schlub who went through ages 16-23 with no sex.

You might bounce back later in life but you'll never have the same natural born player mentality of someone who got his start at age 14. You'll never have the illicit thrill of parking on a lover's lane, going into the hotel room after prom, or having a quickie on a creaky dorm twin bed while her roommate is out.

SquatsAndEggs · 2014-10-25T16:02:21+00:00

As men, our confidence comes from success. With dating, a lot of this is determined by women (no matter how one embodies RP, it's still possibly to lose with women based on other factors). If one hasn't had any success in the past or has been rejected countless times, how the fuck is that man going to have confidence with women? This is why confidence gained in early life can have as profound of an effect on one's success; if one is successful with women/girls effortlessly (which most of us aren't, otherwise we wouldn't be here) he's not going to have confidence issues.

Confidence and an abundance mentality can't be faked.

jacks_not_surprised · 2014-10-25T12:18:28+00:00

Yes they fucking do man!

e.g. Kong, Jesse, Jason, William Beck

favours_of_the_moon · 2014-10-25T14:39:11+00:00

It's not easy.

In fact, this goes back farther to childhood bonding with the mother, and also to puberty, where nowadays boys are shamed and drugged into submission.

We live in a very sick world. Btw, the reference for this is FUNCTION OF THE ORGASM and CHARACTER ANALYSIS by Wilhelm Reich.

You could also check out his BioElectrical Investigations of Sexuality and Anxiety and People in Trouble.

notsointelligent · 2014-10-25T14:51:59+00:00

I can answer this. No, they don't ever recover.

2014-10-25T15:33:54+00:00

I think a guy who had maybe one or two girlfriends between hs and college would be fine.

But a guy who never had a relationship or sex at all will be a little messed in the head forever. He can recover in the sense that he can bang chicks or get relationships, but the past will likely always bother him unless he can get very young girls.

feelinglazy · 2014-10-25T09:11:54+00:00

This describes me and I'm basically an Omega now, pushing thirty with nearly zero experience with women (and most of that ending quite badly). I do often think that missing out on formative experiences in my youth has damaged my ability to relate with women. Environment is a factor here - I live and work in one of the worst dead zones for quality night life in Southern California, and when I briefly lived abroad in a foreign country I was at least getting dates nearly regularly. But no lays and now no dates either. MGTOW, even before I'd heard the term, was and remains a pretty big temptation to me. I haven't given up yet and the red pill approach served me well when I was living abroad. I know it works and I know it can work for me. But the sense of missing something is definitely there. I can ignore it, but I don't know if I can really work around it. I guess I'll find out eventually.

redpillbanana · 2014-10-25T08:16:00+00:00

There was a large discussion on exactly this topic a couple of weeks ago: http://redditlog.com/snapshots/1188261

argunta · 2014-10-25T14:01:47+00:00

They have the choice to spend the rest of their lives fucking 18 year olds once they get their shit together. What a tragedy.

the_red_scimitar · 2014-10-25T19:44:07+00:00

That was me. For various reasons, I was in college during most people's high-school years (and part of middle school as well). As a result, I was around people who were not going to date me. Sure, I had neighborhood friends my age, and there was some messing around, but it was minimal.

So the answer: yes, definitely. I am non-monogamous, and dating several lovely women from mid-20's to mid-50's. And they all know about the others. I feel absolutely zero anger about the earlier days. Actually, I've never been angry about it, and that actually seems an odd thing to expect.

I think the scenario you are looking at is people rejected by their peers, romantically, in those teen years. That wasn't really my situation. Basically, the only kid among young adults, until about the end of university, at which point I was age many were entering college.

Doomsday_ · 2014-10-25T22:36:15+00:00

That said, I wonder if guys who miss out on love, sex, and relationships during their younger years ever mentally recover even if they get a lot of it as adults. It seems like to me that even the guys who really turn it around and get laid like crazy as adults always feel that anger for not getting it while they were younger.

Depends on the person. Yes, some guys will allow that experience to define their attitude and remain bitter and vitriolic as a result. They will never admit it but they do so because part of them loves to play the victim.

Mentally strong, emotionally healthy men, on the other hand, will not let such a past define them. They acknowledge and accept their past, and then move on. They realize that anger and bitterness reflect a weak and ineffective attitude toward life.

twistedbrother2 · 2014-10-25T06:51:14+00:00

[permanently deleted]

exit_sandman · 2014-10-25T11:00:00+00:00

These days I notice that American media pedestalizes high school and college as being the best time in life for hot sex. It is like relationships in high school and college (not to mention sex) are shown in a completely different light, like there is just something special about the sex or love you get from girls in high school that isn't there in the real world.

Why not? It's the perfect time. You're in some kind of subculture that consists almost exclusively of people of your age (who happen to be prettier than the rest of society because of that), you are at your physical prime, you are unlikely to be burdened with too many worries about your life (unless you're really screwing up your studies or have an extremely taxing subject)... sounds pretty great if you ask me.

What do you have to say about this TRP?

I don't know if it applies to everyone, but in general I'd agree.

Experiencing constant romantic rejection during your formative years is bound to leave a mark on your psyche, not unlike being constantly ostracized (or worse) by your peers. It can be salvaged, but the longer it takes to finally turn your life around, the less likely it becomes that that happens - for example, a guy who is romanceless during high school but has smashing success during college will be more likely to be able to move on than someone who takes until his thirties to finally get some tail.

Stationarity · 2014-10-25T14:57:19+00:00

I think there are two things at play here. First, in every aspect of life, people look back at what they didn't know then and fantasize about how things would have been different had they known. Move on. Second, people assume everyone else had it better than them. They didn't. Assume nobody has it better than you and make it happen.

2014-10-25T17:09:44+00:00

you just end up feeling alienated pernamently and lost time etc, often its not about the girl its about you hence fucking all kinds of HS sluts won't make up for feeling like an idiot who couldn't have known better (oftentimes not knowing sluts are sluts because they don't dress up that way but still fuck older guys for money, aka 1 girl I fancied for a year, among many though)

a friend of mine has learned sooner about it, tall blonde lean build from MA guy who emigrated to japan and learned the language, got a girl there. (hes up to some real fun I bet, he looks just like a cowboy from their ads)

Basically he was an immigrant who didn't identify neither with his home group or the country, still identifies with it politically but just not with the people.

most of the guys who went through HS and were a variation of a loner or a niceguy orbiter or some other funny idiot and got angry when they saw themselves from the side feel alienation, and since people don't happen to be able to redo their lives this develops on further to a myriad of many things.

I don't know about college because its not right after highschool here, more like 22-25 range for 'freshmen'. and dorms aren't a huge thing.

if you are a guy who finds himself 2nd year in college and your hope ran dry and you even embarassed yourself, I really suggest going MGTOW to drop the negative social conditioning ( don't become an orbiter or a creeper) and just go to another country , you won't really feel like an immigrant the same way as others. youll feel reborn.

Transmigratory · 2014-10-25T18:10:51+00:00

Depends.

If they had the means to do so, then they might regret it (mental strength determines if they do).

If, however, they had legit circumstances and reasons for why they didn't, then it is another story.

kingofpoplives · 2014-10-25T13:55:57+00:00

Guys who don't get laid in high school and college will develop a massive inferiority complex, as sexual success is our socially accepted measure of manliness.

Title	Do men in Western society who miss out on young love (high school and college) and sex ever mentally recover?
Author	argunta
Upvotes	40
Comments	61
Date	October 25, 2014 6:31 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2k9o87/do_men_in_western_society_who_miss_out_on_young/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/do-men-in-western-society-who-miss-out-on-young.23570 https://theredarchive.com/post/23570

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