How do you divide housework when both people work?

Kara__El · 2019-05-21T02:41:58+00:00

My husband and I work 40 hours a week, each, his manual labor and mine mental labor. I bring in twice what he does and it's completely irrelevant. We're pretty egalitarian. We generally divide responsibilities by chore, so there's no issue of who did it last. He does the dishes and I do the laundry. He cooks and I pick up all the clutter, pay the bills, organize things like the termite inspection and taking things to Goodwill.

Some days the sink is full, though, and I don't go in until noon, so I do the dishes and sweep and still do the laundry. Some days I come home exhausted and he cleans the kitchen, picks up the living room, and does a load of laundry.

Ideally, you want to get to a place where you can each concentrate on what you give, instead of what you get. My husband and I are almost there. I try really hard to think more about how I can contribute than how he isn't contributing, but that absolutely requires a base level contribution.

notyetsaved · 2019-05-21T04:01:40+00:00

I don’t like coming home to a sink full of dishes, so I make sure the sink is empty before I leave for work. We share most of the household duties (mostly because he wants to) and we share some of the “guy” duties (I don’t fix cars or chop tree branches). He makes triple what I do and never comes across to me as if I am not “earning my keep”. Like a previous poster said, it’s not what you get, it’s what you give.

BayHairDontCare · 2019-05-21T03:44:19+00:00

If you both work, if you make a good income and y'all live in a paid-off house, have you thought about outsourcing some of the housework?

It's not as expensive as you might think, especially if you're just looking for "help" and not people who will do EVERYTHING.

For example, we pay a guy just to CUT our grass, but he doesn't do any landscaping work, so it's cheap (we pay $40 each time, and we have a little over an acre! but he just zips around the yard in his zero-turn mower...he gets it done fast!). It still takes a big load off of my husband, and the yard always looks at least presentable, even if hubby doesn't have a chance to do the other stuff.

We haven't paid anyone to do any house cleaning yet, but I have thought about it and have priced it. I was told $100 for each cleaning, although our house isn't very big (~1200 square feet.) My sister-in-law pays her cleaning lady $200 each time (she comes every two weeks), and they live in a 3500+ square foot house in a major city.

Of course, with the cleaning lady only coming once a week or once every two week, stuff still has to be done. Knowing that the main stuff is being taken care of can be a big relief, though, I bet.

Asmaraniya · 2019-05-21T07:29:21+00:00

I have little ones and prefer to use my income to pay someone to come round twice a week to do the cleaning and laundry

Our garden is my work place and my kingdom so I pretty much handle that. He handles the rent and utilities. I handle the food and the kids.

It just has to be fair

aftertheafter-party · 2019-05-22T16:26:34+00:00

Both work full time. My husband takes out the trash daily, does most of the laundry, does the bulk of the grocery shopping, unloads the dishes every morning, & makes coffee. I do most of the cleaning, all of the cooking, some laundry tasks, & shop for specialty ingredients or grab a couple things to finish off dinner. I also keep the house tidy & organized.

For us, it comes down to teamwork. We both want a clean, comfortable living space, so we pick up each other's slack. If I want to do my nails or have night off cooking, it's easy to get takeout or go out, or he can make dinner. We've discussed hiring someone to clean, & we'll probably do that when we move to a bigger place.

greenfrog60 · 2019-05-22T23:45:10+00:00

We both work and earn decent money but I do 95% of the household tasks. He just sits there watching me do it. He used to be motivated and ambitious, now he is just lazy.

NotaNPC · 2019-05-23T14:46:35+00:00

I do most of the housework, he takes out the trash and usually cooks dinner. He'll help me with other things with no complaint if I ask for it but I usually don't.

Its telling you immediately tell us you make more money then him, do you think he should be doing much more then you becasue you bring home more money even though he works more hours? Do you think he picks up on that?

MaxwellPancakesMcgee · 2019-05-25T16:37:23+00:00

I pay all the bills aside from his phone and car. I also work 6-7 days a week. He only works 2 or 3 tops. I give him free reign over what groceries and other necessary items are purchased. Anything he forgets, I go get. If he needs something like clothes, I give him the money and go with him if he needs me to. Anything he doesn't clean, I clean. He generally cooks for himself as I work past dinner. If you aren't around a lot, they remember they know how to take care of themselves. I do my own laundry and cooking.

As long as people have enough time and their needs are met things tend to get done, otherwise, you are living with a child, man or woman.

[deleted] · 2019-05-24T12:04:03+00:00

outsource outsource outsource.

It'll get done and done right without it being a problem for either of you. It's so worth the cost and will cut this problem out almost completely.

extraketchupthx · 2019-05-22T14:45:46+00:00

I make about 2x my fiancée. We work the same hours or I a little less.

We do outsource major cleaning to a cleaning lady. So she deep cleans 2X a month then we maintain in between but it keeps fights about who cleans the toilet to a min.

I do 90% of the cooking. He does 90% of the dishes. He likes dishes okay, I hate them. This works for us. He takes more of a lead in outdoor chores and I definitely see dust and dirt underneath bookshelves more so I take care of those things. We each do our own laundry and have decided we will join laundry together and do as a family if/when we have children. I.e all towels together, all whites together, jeans etc and then divy from there.

I run 75% of household management emotional labor etc and expect that will continue. It’s not my favorite but my guy really tries and does do anything I ask. I think we can get this closer to 50/50 as time goes on, but if not I’m cool with it. He’s naturally a neat person so we have no issues with the other not cleaning up after themselves.

IMO it’s not very sustainable to be the major breadwinner and the person who does 90% of household stuff. I would love to know how he really feels letting you take on all that extra work while also bringing down the major $ while he sits and watches tv. My fiancée would want to contribute just to help me out so I can relax with him.

Title	How do you divide housework when both people work?
Author	rpkitty
Upvotes	16
Comments	11
Date	May 21, 2019 2:30 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/br4up0/how_do_you_divide_housework_when_both_people_work/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-do-you-divide-housework-when-both-people-work.239090 https://theredarchive.com/post/239090

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