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I understand abundance, but I keep getting oneitis for every girl. Give me some strong words of advice

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September 3, 2019

Hey guys,

So I understand TRP and it's firm principle of abundance mentality but for some reason I can't stick it through my brain. I was recently on vacation, met a gorgeous Belgian girl, clicked really hard with her, hooked up with her that night. Thought I could make something of this. Started messaging her on Facebook after and killed any attraction that she had of me. The thing is... She lives in Belgium.. I'm from north America.. yet I still think of her and tried to text with these soft ass nice guy shit to her even though there was a 1% chance of things working out for us. But I feel like an idiot catching oneitis for a girl on the other side of the fucking world. Even though I know abundance mindset. How do I stop becoming so needy and obsessed with girls? It's fucking me up emotionally. I currently live in a small city so beautiful women aren't that available, I intend on moving to a big city but that won't be for a solid 1.5-2.5 years

Post Information
Title I understand abundance, but I keep getting oneitis for every girl. Give me some strong words of advice
Author chickenwangz666
Upvotes 74
Comments 56
Date 03 September 2019 12:51 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Original Link
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
abundancethe red pill

[–]YtBlue121 points122 points  (10 children) | Copy

Simple explanation. Your self esteem is low. You tie your self worth into getting girls.

[–]chickenwangz666[S] 16 points17 points  (8 children) | Copy

Honestly, this could be it. I've been able to hook up with better looking girls since TRP but always get attached to them because I do tie self worth into getting hot girls. It becomes the only thing I think of and that was a few weeks ago. I understand hooking up with more girls will help but how can I reverse me valuing self worth of getting girls?

[–]YtBlue39 points40 points  (0 children) | Copy

TRP is made so hopefully you realize women arent shit. So tying your self worth into women is logically retarded. However most people use only certain parts of TRP and disregard the rest. Id look into your childhood and face that past fear that is holding you back. Identify, acknowledge, and accept. Its either that or your hormones are wild at the moment.

[–]Schhwing23 points24 points  (1 child) | Copy

If the problem is you putting your self worth in hooking up with girls, how would hooking up with girls help? Kinda like giving crack to a crack addict.

Work on yourself as a human being. Invest in your honest feelings, desires, thoughts and motivations. This might sound new agey but the top tier girls go for guys that have this shit down pat. So in reverse it gets you were you want to go, ironically. Put yourself first, love yourself, the rest will come.


[–]RPthrowaway1232 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Base it on something else. Pick other goals and accomplishments. Run faster, lift heavier, work harder, anything else that you can take pride in.

[–]chickenwangz666[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I need to get back into the gym. I was backpacking for two months and haven't hit the gym yet. That'll focus my energy on something else, rather than a girl across the world.

[–]novalentineforyou0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

How old are you? Do you have a job? Study something? Have any hobbies?

[–]chickenwangz666[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

23, I workout, used to go to boxing (can't afford it anymore), play guitar and study (last semester, doing a fieldwork placement, however I'm in a degree in not passionate about). But I met this chick on vacation and was gone for 3 months and hadn't done any of my hobbies so I'm completely out of my routine as i'm back home, I haven't been able to get back to the life I was living before. However, before my trip I had never done cold approaches and this trip (done solo) helped me get over my fear of approaching. But for some reason I'm still catching oneitis even though I'm not scared of approaching anymore.

Im getting back to the gym tomorrow, but I've gone through a little depressive episode since I've been back to reality. I think it's due to my lifestyle here at home where I know I'm not going to encounter a lot of beautiful women like I did in Europe The trip really changed me as I developed my approaching skills but I still have weak game and can't seem to keep women to stick around.

[–]imtheoneimmortal0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think everybody got their obsession

I got obsessed with calculating everything in my life to get the best

[–]Schhwing2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]Pdubzilla31 points32 points  (2 children) | Copy

Solution = bang more women

[–]Final_Pantasy7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Doesn't solve it if your mind isn't in the right space.

I caught oneitus last year and probably fucked 20 - 30 other girls and I still couldn't get over her until I realized that there were other issues that I needed to take care of.

Like others said, don't tie your value to others girls or how many girls you can fuck.

[–]sebastianconcept6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

This 👆

[–]RedSkeller22 points23 points  (9 children) | Copy

Pretty simple, how many women have you had sex with? Once you realize they're just people you'll stop idolizing the puss. Good luck.

[–]chickenwangz666[S] 6 points7 points  (8 children) | Copy

I've had sex with 11 girls and made out with dozens, I'm 23 and none of my fucks have been over a 7 so I'm not satisfied with lots of them. I guess I'm obsessing over that one girl because she was the first 10 I've hooked up with, just feel autistic obsessing over a girl on the other side of the world.

But they are just people, I'll have to stick that in my head.

[–]RedSkeller6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah occasionally I've relapsed into oneitis. You hit it off and there is good chemistry or they're just hot. No one can talk you out of it, but you're young and relatively inexperienced still. Any woman who isn't sucking my dick currently or in the near future isn't on my radar, so I wouldn't put any stock in a chick in another country because there is a girl down the street who can fuck tonight if you go out and meet her. Not to mention, pussy still has magic, which you need to forget about. It's all the same, and as you get older with experience, you realize it's trivial.

[–]sebastianconcept2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Did you had sex with her?

[–]chickenwangz666[S] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

No just made out. First 10 I've hooked up with so that's why I'm feeling obsessed

[–]sebastianconcept7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah, I know the experience. You need to have sex with other girls fast so your attention stop gravitating to her. It works. Just do it.

Some reminders that I think can be helpful:

  • Nor all hot girls are great or good at bed. You can have insanely good sex with a 7 and mediocre or poor sex with a 9.5
  • All is about sex except sex. Sex is about power. So until you don’t fuck them to ecstasy, you can’t really hold frame
  • Women are the guards of access to sex and men are the guards of access to relationships. Never be cheap for any girl. Keep them working their pussies to try to convert you.

I’ll say, never marry. Is too dangerous.

[–]chickenwangz666[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

It sucks man I thought I was truly over oneitis until this girl. I just gotta start approaching women again. Thanks for the tips.

[–]jbpostv0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Damn we've got very similar stats there my friend. I think it comes from the pleasure of the specialness of honeymoon phase relationships. We long for a sense of deep personal affection and connection and rather than letting it come to us once a relationship has grown strong we fantasize and impose it on a lay. Best not to fantasize or think too much about the girl and focus on getting action elsewhere. The less you think about a girl when you're not spending time with her, generally, the better.

[–]chickenwangz666[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yea I'm trying not to think of her bro, but right now I'm back in school doing a fieldwork placement and I'm not in a position where I'll be meeting lots of women like I was when I was on vacation, I think that's why I'm catching oneitis. I guess I need to focus on grinding for now.

[–]Some_Situation10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

i'd say you should have an abundance of plates, not just an abundance "mentality". if you're only fucking one girl ofc you'll catch oneitis

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

i'd say you should have an abundance of plates, not just an abundance "mentality". if you're only fucking one girl ofc you'll catch oneitis

Right, had to scroll to the bottom to find the right answer. Abundance mentality can only be faked so long, the goal is to actually live in abundance.

[–]DaftOdyssey18 points19 points  (0 children) | Copy

Pretty simple. Just focus on your career and goals

[–]BurnoTaurus5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

but do you understand that being in a position of understanding abundance, and being in a position of having anundance, are two findamentally different conditions?

[–]krizzywizzy5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

try fucking more bitches.

if that doesn't work that means you're unhappy with your life, and you use women to fill that void.

find a better purpose in life, something you'll give a fuck about instead of bitches.

ironically you'll fuck more bitches this way.. and bitches aren't even a problem. seriously man..

lastly: maybe you have adhd, which makes onitis more intensifying for people like me.

[–]SlappaDaBayssMon3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Reframe that shit.

From: "I catch feels for every girl I date"

To: "Every girl I date is dope, so if this doesn't work out, there's another badass chick up next"

[–]chickenwangz666[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Love this quote. Going to read this a lot and get it through my head.

[–]SaharaFatCat2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You should have multiple "girlfriends". You might start with a few rated below your normal standards. As you get girls you like more, you can replace them or add them based on your available time/interests. Oneitis is easier to avoid while you're banging other girls.

[–]Zero-Milk2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

That's an easy answer: you're letting your self worth be determined by whomever shows interest in you. Step back from women, work on your career, hobbies, and physique. Develop things about yourself that make you proud of yourself, and THEN reintroduce women into your life. By the time you do that, I guarantee you'll find that you value yourself a lot more and them a lot less.

[–]chickenwangz666[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's weird. I've been working on myself, got in shape, almost done school feeling good about myself, but went backpacking for two months this summer and was meeting tons of girls and found myself reverting to BP and getting really attached to them, especially this one girl.

I need to get back into the gym and keep myself busy

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

[–]JSuma1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Oneitis is clinging on to a girl because you think you wont find better, when in reality, you're not sure you'll ever get laid again. It's a rationalization. There is always better and you will get laid again. Stay on the rp path and you will see results.

[–]chickenwangz666[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks brother. I know I can get women, I just haven't been able to meet any new ones since I've been back so my mind is set on her. Gotta start approaching again.

[–]DaniKopt991 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

you need to find a purpose, something that is higher and more important to you then any girl you could possibly ever meet.

[–]SolidLiquidGasPlasma1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You don’t understand awalt yet

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Abundance is not about knowledge but about having it or not having. You do not have it. That's why you catch oneitis, partially at least

[–]chickenwangz666[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I guess I need to get back to approaching. While I was on vacation I was approaching a lot and understanding abundance but I never secured a roster of women yet. I need to get to that point it seems.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Again, you say understanding. The point is to have it. I understand how bodybuilders look ripped, yet I am not ripped because I do not work towards this goal.

So work towards having abundance. Approach, escalate, close. But all of this will be futile unless you work on yourself and your career too. Don't ditch women entirely but make them an occasional thing and keep focusing on other stuff

[–]thesatellite230 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

The best way to gain an abundance mindset with women? Gain an abundance mindset with other aspects of your life first.

[–]chickenwangz666[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Such as what? For example?

[–]thesatellite230 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Money - start a side gig, earn passive income, etc. Even if you lose your job for whatever reason, you won't be totally broke.

Social situations - build a network so no matter where you hang out on any given day, you'll be likely to run into somebody you know. Male or female. If you don't know anybody, you'll be confident enough to make new friends.

Hobbies - get really good at something. Be better at it than anybody you know. For example, I play chess and write creative fiction.

[–]SpecialSpnk0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Plate a bunch of different chicks.... Hard not to have abundance mentality when you are banging 3+ girls at a time.

[–]SpinPlates0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You can't fake abundance. I hate reading bullshit about faking confidence, faking abundance. "FaKe iT tiLL YoU mAke iT BruH"

Fuck that. Go to the gym. Get yoked. Spin plates. Get real confidence through abundance and then you will stop having oneitis.

[–]2INNASKILLZ2K180 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

It's learning. Man, I still do it at times. Was texting this chick yesterday, then my brain snapped back into gear - 'motherfucker stop!'

Abundance mindset to me involves action. You have to get your mind off 'that one girl' and be approaching others.

It truly is the only way to win. You have to casting the fishing net out over and over.

[–]chickenwangz666[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yea bro I have to get back to approaching. I noticed when I was travelling, I didn't think of her as much cause I was meeting girls a lot but now I'm back home doing a fieldwork for my degree, im not in a position where I can meet a lot of women so that's why I'm thinking of her so much.

[–]throwawaydegar0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You say you understand abundance but you don't have it ) haven't experienced it as obviously if you did this wouldn't be a problem.

Next ten girls you sleep with impose on yourself that you can't see them again. Go do that. No matter who they are just make that your rule. Then you'll get it.

[–]smartfunction300 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Same thing happens to me, man, I meet a chick and then I start thinking about relationshiping them. Not always, but when I have good chemistry with them.

[–]Andgelyo0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

She’s probably getting fucked by someone (not you)

[–]chickenwangz666[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Facts. Needed to read this.

[–]sirdaaz-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

stop being a loser

[–]Nyquil-Junkie-3 points-2 points  (2 children) | Copy

The beta thirst is strong in this one.

[–]chickenwangz666[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Bro get out of here with that shit. This is a self help subreddit. We're here to improve myself. Obviously not everyone is born an "alpha".

[–]Nyquil-Junkie-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

Bro get out of here with that shit. This is a self help subreddit. We're here to improve myself. Obviously not everyone is born an "alpha".

I am helping you.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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